Marupoked

Chapter 28 : Unleashing what's concealed

There are some points in our lives where we got to ask ourselves if we really are worth being protected. There are moments where we find it hard to believe that we are deserving to be loved. There are times where we also find that we are just so imperfect to be cherished; too flawed to be treasured. But I do believe that in the end, we will still find people who will fix us, people who will see the beauty inside us.

Right now, I'm still figuring out why some things suddenly turn on their respective places. I'm starting to doubt if I am really worth the love. Or in the end, I may find myself crying and battling with sleepless nights again, trying to figure out where did I go wrong.

After hearing Cason's words that day when he suddenly appeared at the AesTEAtic Milk Tea shop, my undying doubt has started. It feels like, everything was just too good to be true. Like, protecting me and preventing me from getting more heartbreaks were just his alibis. All of a sudden, I got some trust issues and I'm starting to distance myself from the person who has actually fixed a part of me that was broken.

And now, I found myself walking and walking in the middle of the night. I really don't know where to go. I just feel the need of going out and try to forget things.

Sa paglalakad ko ay nakarating ako sa pinakamalapit na convenience store mula sa dorm namin. Matagal-tagal na rin pala mula nang biglaan akong lumabas at makarating sa isang convenience store. Hanggang ngayo'y mahilig pa rin kasi ako sa mga kape. I still prefer to drink coffee than milk tea kahit pa nagtatrabaho ako sa isang milk tea shop. I don't know why. Siguro ay talagang iba pa rin ang impact ng una mong minahal.

Dali-dali akong pumasok sa loob ng convenience store at pumunta sa beverages section upang kumuha ng kape. Hindi naman ako nagtagal dahil nang makapili ng cold coffee-in-can ay agad ko na iyong dinala sa cashier. Buti na lamang din at kahit papaano, may mga dumarating pa rin sa convenience store kaya't hindi masyadong malungkot at creepy ang atmosphere.

Matapos bayaran ang kape ay agad na rin akong lumabas upang doon pumwesto sa lamesang nakalagay sa labas ng shop. Mas mabuti na rin na doon ako tumambay para mas dama ang simoy ng hangin ng malamig na gabi. At isa pa, nakaka-enjoy panoorin ang tahimik na kalye.

Hindi ko maiwasang mapatitig sa kawalan habang iniinom ang kape. Bakit kaya gano'n? Deserve ko ba talaga 'yong ginawa ni Cason na kinausap niya Fritz para lumayo sa akin? I mean, Fritz might be the most dumbass among the dumbasses but he still has his choice to pursue his studies here in Riversky. For sure, sa malayong lugar niya naisipang mag-aral dahil sa loob ng isang taon, hindi ko naman siya nakitang umaaligid dito. Even Miley's not aware that he's here too.

Marahil ay inaakala ni Cason na kikiligin ako sa ginawa niya kapag nalaman ko na ang totoo tungkol sa paglayo ni Fritz ngunit sa totoo lang, mas lalo pa akong nagduda sa sarili. Mas lalo ko lamang nakita ang mga kakulangan ko, ang mga dahilan para hindi ako pahalagahan nang ganoon.

Because in fact, Fritz isn't actually the main reason why end up ruining our relationship back then. It just so happened he did a thing that pushes me to continue my plan. Pero ang totoo, hindi naman niya talaga kasalanan.