3. Travis Phoebe (ManxMan)

•Travis 33.

I cried again once Raphael stripped me and gave me a bath, everything hurt and I was just not seeing a brighter side to life.

"How did it come to this?" I mumbled to nobody in particular as he dressed me. I was slumped over on the bed staring at the floor while he put on a large shirt for me, he crouched then and took my hands.

"We will find him, okay? Dante's given every Oni a call and sent a photo. Claude's done the same to every allie he could think of, I'm sure Theodore will pull some strings with the council."

I nodded as he spoke and somehow still not feeling as assured as I should be. When we tried locating him, I had a strange ominous feeling, like he had becone someone who just stopped existing and I just couldn't see past that brief horror. I sighed then.

"Why did she hate you so much?"

Raphael looked away from me then and knelt down, his hands flat on his thighs as he inhaled lowly. His bowed head made him look like a man asking for forgiveness and I frowned.

"I've never been proud of my past... Not a day went by that I didn't forgot." He used his speed to leave the room and I stared out the door and before I could jump to any conclusions, he was back, same position and a photo in his hand which he gave me.

I had seen it years ago, Raphael stood between two people, one Seren and the other I didn't know.

"It is unspeakable and inhumane, however- a fact which remains. Seren and I found one another around just after we had been turned, we became quick friends simply because we were new vampires, driven by desire and hunger. It took me the longest to regain my humanity, to remember who I was and not to live for the feed.

"Seren stayed beside me no matter what. Her beloved appeared to her sometime after, a sweet man, he wanted to be like js but she couldn't do it, she didn't want to subject him to the truth of us, eternity wasn't as bright as some may advertise. I thought I was helping, I thought I  was doing right by her and somehow...he was different, his blood was like any other I had ever had, I drained him for all he was worth, bringing him past death and forgot about him. It was like a drug, a euphoria of life to have had him to a point where I left his body, I was faster, stronger... drunk off of caster blood. Worse, a caster who hadn't known what they were."

"Raph." He finally looked at me then, eyes shining and clenched his jaw and his hands were white from fisting his pants.

"I meant it, when I said I could get addicted. It scared me and thrilled me. When I got back to our house which we shared, she had her beloved devastated and that's when I realised what I'd done. She vowed then and there to get revenge, that she kept it. Every time I took on a lover, she'd kill them, she'd wait until I was completely invested, she was disappointed when she realised they weren't my beloved afterwards and I had been glad for it each time but it still hurt. I isolated myself because of it. Tried harder not to love anyone, ever. It was rare that someone would make me hope and each time I tried to hide it... each time I failed, even with you, my true beloved."

I cupped his jaw as the tears fell and he refused to look at me.

"You learned control though..."

"Dante was a great help to that. He had had his own moment with his first taste of caster, he taught me how to focus, how not to give into the thrill of it. The power it gave."

"As you said, it's in the past and it wasn't your fault. The fact that it still haunts you now shows how much you cared, how much you regret it." He laid his head in his lap.

"You asked me once if I regret being what I am, if I would turn the clock if I could... That was the first time I ever hated myself, when I got better I promised I wouldn't let it happen again."