The Insider Ghost Ship: She Said, He Said

CHAPTER 9: She Said: About the Band Practice

It was more than a month since Song Hwa last practiced for the band with the guys. She would probably be rusting by now. She was excited, at the same time anxious...mostly because she was going to see Ik Jun again.

She left Sokcho immediately after leaving the hospital at five thirty in the afternoon because she was running late. She wanted to arrive in Seoul with a still lighted sky, but the two-hour drive ahead just did not allow it. At exactly seven thirty, she was at Seuk Hyung's gate. She parked at the front of the cars lined along the side of the street but noticed that one was missing—Ik Jun's. She stayed seated in her car, feeling disappointed.

Is he coming? He'd better be here...If he's not, I won't let him get away with it....

But then, she thought it would probably be best if he was not there, since it would mean that she could be herself—not needing to pretend that he had not confessed three times. She would not feel uncomfortable nor be wary that anything would turn awkward at any moment. Not seeing Ik Jun and not spending much time with him would work for her advantage because it would buy her more time to assess their situation and be certain of herself. Not that she was not certain of her feelings for him—she was. It was just that having quite a few failed relationships before, you would really think twice, or even thrice, about entering into a new one. At her age, she could not afford to invest more time and emotion to a relationship with someone that could only end in another break up.

But it's Ik Jun. He's different from everyone else....

Yes, he is. He is not like everyone else. He has no inhibitions. No insecurities. Unlike her. She might have appeared otherwise—being nicknamed 'Ghost' was a proof—but there were times that she felt unsure of herself. During her twenties, she often asked why she always ended up heartbroken by someone whom she chose to trust. She had not learned her lesson yet. As she entered her thirties, she was beginning to get used to a failed relationship after another. She had finally graduated from the Academy of Break Ups and Heartaches. At forty, she had no care at all. She had earned her master's degree in Management of Emotional Trauma. Her last relationship with the two-timing Professor Jang was not even worth her time thinking momentarily about. She might have quarreled with Jun Wan for not telling her about what he saw, but when she thought of it, it actually worked for her advantage. When he confessed that he was having an affair with someone else, she felt relieved instead. An opportunity for breakup presented itself and she grabbed it with both hands.

But Ik Jun is in a different league. He had almost confessed twenty years ago. And she anticipated many times after that, but he never did. Then he confessed three times within a month. He might deserve an answer, but he had not gotten any from her.

It was not because she had no feelings for him. This was actually what she was waiting for, for twenty years. She had no doubts about Ik Jun and what she feels for him. She also had no doubts about his feelings for her. What she had doubts about was on herself. Before he confessed, she had always thought that she would accept if he ever does. But when he did, she was shaken. Yes, she was surprised. But more so, she felt fear.

It might sound crazy—or even stupid—to think that at her age, she would still be fearful of entering into another relationship. She should be excited instead.

This is Ik Jun we're talking about! For crying out loud!

Having your best friend of twenty years as a partner in life is something that every woman—especially at her age—would kill or die for.

But at this moment, she did not want to think about it. Not now. Not yet. Her current predicament was being torn between missing Ik Jun so bad and preferring not to see him.

She was greeted by Seuk Hyung's Eomma at the door. After giving her a welcoming hug, she ushered her in and told her that the guys were in the basement. She knew she wanted to talk to her more, but she was discreet enough to let her go ahead because the guys were waiting and were excited to see her.

Feeling a little disappointed—but relieved—knowing that Ik Jun would not be there, she stealthily went down to the basement. But to her surprise, Ik Jun was sitting on his spot, at the center, holding his guitar and tuning it. Her heart fluttered at the sight of him.

"Song Hwa's here." Ik Jun said without looking at her. He was still busy tuning his guitar. Jeong Won and Jun Wan, upon seeing her, excitedly went to her and welcomed her warmly, talking to her simultaneously, as Seuk Hyung followed a few steps behind.

"You're late." Ik Jun continued, still not looking at her, busy plucking the strings on his guitar.

"Geurasseo?" Jun Wan answered instead. "She's here, and that's what's important. You should be thankful, you prick...."

"Araesseo...." He answered again, but still not looking at her direction. By this time, he was practicing the chords to the song they were going to perform.

"Ya, Ik Jun-ah," Jeong Won called to him. "Song Hwa's here. Aren't you excited?"

"I brought coffee." She butted in to change the subject before Ik Jun could answer, swinging the coffee tray in the air, and addressing the rest of the guys. She should be wary. She would not want to feel awkward and uncomfortable again, like that night they performed I Knew I Loved You, when she could not even look at him straight, much more so in the eye. She went to the table and served the coffee to the three guys who followed her like chicks to a hen. With the last two cups in each hand, she was about to go to Ik Jun to give him one when he spoke.

"Of course, I'm excited." He answered Jeong Won's question. He put down his guitar, but he did not stand up. Instead, he crossed his legs, rested his clasped hands on his lap and smiled sweetly at her. "You know how I love coffee. It's always a treat for me."

She was dumbfounded. She let out a shallow sigh. She tried to find something or somewhere to look at just to avoid his gaze. Ik Jun stood up and walked towards her and took the cup of coffee from her hand. She realized then that she stopped in her tracks when he spoke.

"Gomawo." He said after taking the coffee and taking a sip of it before turning around to return to his spot.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was certain that this night would be a long one.

"Shijakaja," Ik Jun called. "Let's do this. Seuk Hyung and I need to go back to the hospital by nine thirty."

They performed Would You Come to Me? by Brother Su. She knew Seuk Hyung choses the songs they play. But why this song? It seemed like Ik Jun was confessing again when he sang—or was it just her thinking it?

By nine thirty, Ik Jun and Seuk Hyung bailed out on them. The three were left in the basement, catching up on the past month while having another round of coffee that she just made. She should be leaving by now because of the two-hour drive back to Sokcho, but she missed them so much she chose to stay.  Yet, the truth was, deep inside, she wanted to see Ik Jun again tonight—and silently hoped that he somehow would decide to come back. At eleven, Seuk Hyung came home—alone. With a bitter smile of slight disappointment that she prayed would go unnoticed, she bade farewell and called it a night. And for the first time in a month, she wished she never left Seoul.