Gossip Girl (Book One)

Fourteen

I walked through the mall with Alanna as we made our way into a store. After a two week break I spent with Aunt Jo in Rome, I am just not feeling the school thing. I feel like I'm in a bigger slump now that I'm back than I was when I left. I know why. I miss Carter. If I didn't, I would have taken my necklace off by now. I don't know why. I broke up with him. I shouldn't miss him. "School starts back up tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it." I stated looking at some new dresses.

"You love shopping." Alanna pointed out and I let out a deep breath.

"Yeah, yeah I do." I said walking away from Alanna.

I was going through some clothes holding a couple in my arms. I sighed putting back a couple of the dresses I picked. "Excuse me." I looked over to see an older guy dressed in a black suit. "I'm looking for a present for my daughter and I don't exactly know what to get her. She's your age and I was hoping you could help."

"Well, what does she like?" I asked and he slightly chuckled.

"I hate to say I don't know much. Bad relationship with her mother didn't help."

I nodded, slightly. "Just get her a dress. I mean, the thought means more. Plus, if you throw in the receipt can't go wrong." I looked over and Alanna was walking over to me. "I should go." I said, backing away.

"Thank you for your help." He said and I nodded before turning away to catch up with Alanna.

"Who was that?" Alanna asked and I shrugged.

"Just someone that needed help." I said and she nodded.

"Oh that reminds me, mom wants to know the theme for your party, ASAP. You know how she like to have enough time to fix any errors made by the incompetident." Alanna said and I shrugged.

"Maybe i'll skip a party." I said and Alanna stopped dead in her tracks. I turned to look at her.

"Your birthday is your favorite day of the year. You declared it to be a holiday." Alanna said and I sighed.

"I know." I looked down at my hands. "I just don't know about anything that is going to make me happy. I don't want any gifts, I don't want a party." I paused letting out a deep breath. "And the one thing I want is the one thing I can't let myself have."

Alanna wrapped her arm around me as we walked towards the registers. We paid for our things before going back home. When we finally got home, I went into my bedroom, dropped my things on the floor, and laid down in my bed. I don't want to get up. I just want to stay here.

Rome was beautiful. I wanna go back. So much time to think and no one with ties. No one that knows who you are. No strings. No connections. Beautiful weather. Nice people. No possible way for me to make a mistake in seeing people I shouldn't see.

There was a knock on my door and I just let out a loud groan before pulling my blanket over my face.

~~~

I walked with Serena and Blair towards the school. I am not feeling this. I should be ashamed of myself. My brain is clouded with bad decisions and lustful thoughts. I should be ashamed of myself. I'm better than this. "At least you get to wake up from your nightmare. I'm living with mine. Thank God I have plans with Dan tonight. Finally, the return of some normalcy!" Serena said and I slightly smiled at her.

Blair stopped walking and stopped looking back at her. "B, what are you doing?" I asked. She already had a scarf covering her head, gloves, and large sunglasses. What more does she want?

"Giving homeschooling some serious consideration." Blair said.

"Look, I know you think everyone's still talking about you, but your 3 week old scandal is ancient news." I said.

"You think this thing really blew over by now?" Blair asked and we nodded.

"Yes. Now take it off." I said pointed at the sunglasses. "That too." I said pointing at the scarf.

We got to the school and the whispering started. "Don't worry, B." Serena said and then there was the yogurt. Right on her head. I should kick their asses. I just doing feel like going to jail for murder.

"Come on. Let's go." I said leading her into the school.

For lunch we went and sat at the steps like we always do. We could see the minions sitting on the steps too. "Can't we eat somewhere else?" Blair asked.

"Okay, I know this is hard for you, B. But you can't let them beat you. You're Blair Waldorf, remember?" Serena said and Blair nodded.

"You're right. These are my steps, and i'm not going to relinquish them without a fight. Though it would be helpful if there was at least one more person in our crowd."

I looked around and I saw Chuck with some kid. "There's Chuck." I said looking back at Blair and she had a grossed-out look on her face.

"Gross. And a mini blonde Chuck." Blair said bad when I looked over, the kid turned around showing it was Eric.

"He's trying to torture me." Serena said.

"I can't believe it." Blair said.

"I know."

"Does little J actually think she's anything but their lackey." Blair said and I looked at her to see her staring at the minions and Jenny now on the steps.

"They're taking her out to dinner for her birthday tomorrow night. Table service at Socialista." Serena said.

"So Jenny Humphrey is officially being inscribed on the A-list." Blair said I sighed taking a drink of my water. "Wait, how do you know this."

"Because they invited me, but I said no out of deference to you. Just thought I could have dinner with her and Dan and the whole family." Serena explained and I chuckled.

"How do you get out of everything unscaved?" Blair asked.

"Because I'm nice. You should try it some time. Come on. Um, compliment me. Tell me my hair looks beautiful."

"But your hair looks disgusting. Did you even shower this morning?" Blair said and I laughed.

"B, I say this out of love, but you being a bitch is what got yogurt in your hair in the first place." I said and Serena nodded.

"Be nice and neutral and things will swing back to normal. You're queen B." Serena said and I felt my phone vibrate. When I looked at it, my heart dropped to the floor.

'I miss you.' -Carter.

Don't do it Lena. Don't listen to your needs. They don't know anything. "I'll see you guys later." I said standing up on the steps.

"Where are you going?" Blair asked and I just started moving down the steps towards the street.

'Meet me?' -Lena

I stopped a cab getting inside and my phone vibrated again. 'Where?' -Carter

What am I doing? I know better. I can't do this to myself. I can't end up right where I started. Why do bad things happen to me?

I had the cab take me to the park. I'm not going back to school. I don't have it in me to go to school. I know what I need. I just need it without any strings. I went over sitting down on the bench in the park pulling out my phone. 'I need a favor. A big and slightly inappropriate favor.' -Lena

Just one night with someone that won't make a big deal out of it. One time. I just need one time with someone who knows what they are doing. Someone who is always there when I need him. Someone who doesn't judge. Someone who will understand. I can't believe I know exactly the right person.