INGRID (ENGLISH VERSION)

TRIPPING WITHOUT DRUGS

Days were going by and I was living my love life with Ingmar. And for the first time, after eleven long years, I could say that, at last, I was satisfied with a relationship. I was feeling that this relationship was healthy and nobody pretends that everything is alright, only to keep it going. There was real love and honesty between us. The only relationship, in which I was feeling fine, was the one I had with Josh, eleven years before. Since Josh, not only was I changing boyfriends, as if they were clothes, but I was also getting involved in affairs, only because I didn't want to be lonely. Thus, I was feeling that someone was by my side, however, in the end, all this was completely fake. I was once again lonely. It is just like the scripts for the plays that I write, where I imagine a completely fake reality. I have known very well how to do this since I was nine years old. Exactly because I didn't have any friends, back then, I used to make stories with people all around me.

Of course, now I did have friends and moreover, I had lately started to be in girl groups, something that I would never do before. Dina, Jesikka and Sofia were constantly at my place, since 2021 when I returned to Norway. Normally, Eva was also in our company, before she killed herself. However, even though I would be close to people all the time, I would once again find communication through scripts. What I mean to say is, that you shouldn't imagine that I would only sit down and write scripts for plays, just like I was doing back then in Harvest. In Harvest, I would only find peace and this was the best thing for me. Scripts were coming to my head when I would escape from the real world. And that was the reason, why I liked going out for a walk by myself, listening to (usually instrumental/orchestral) music and even better, playing video games for endless hours. However, this was something I hadn't instantly realised about myself. Some afternoon, during June 2022, the girls had paid me a visit. I was playing video games while thinking of scenes for supposed theatrical plays. Then, I heard Jesikka saying in a loud voice: "Ingrid!"

I sprang up from the sofa: "You scared me to death and I almost missed", I complained.

"I had no other choice", she replied. "I already called you three times and your mind was elsewhere. Probably you were fully immersed in the game".

I laughed. "It's not what you're thinking. I was thinking about other stuff".

"And where was your mind was travelling this time?".

"There where it always does", I replied. "I was thinking scenarios for some supposed play".

Jesikka burst out in laughter: "Ingrid, I admire this ability of yours".

"Which ability?", I asked.

"You know that many people struggle to escape from reality because their life is so shit, that they want to disappear at least for a few hours".

Oh, this reminds me of something!

"That's why they start getting involved with excessive alcohol or gambling", I said, trying to defend myself, in the sense that I had nothing to do with something like that.

"Or drugs".

"Of course", I exclaimed. "They trip to death, in order that they can live in a more reassuring reality".

"This is what you also do", she told me.

Uh-oh! Did she know anything about the pills? I looked at her frightened.

"Without drugs, though. You are tripping, without using drugs. This is who you are; a tripper! And this is something so marvellous. So many people are trying to escape from reality and they can't achieve this nor by substance usage and you....are able to do this, whenever you like it, only because at any time given you can open a door in your mind".