INGRID (ENGLISH VERSION)

PLEASE, YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN MY HOUSE

I have noticed that the autumn, far from the fact that it has been my favourite season, is this period, when I have been always met with very positive changes. This doesn't mean anything, anyway, and I don't even believe there's a divine conspiracy towards me. I don't think that the universe actually cares about what I've been doing. However, in the past, it was September when major changes would happen. Also, don't forget that I decided to move to Ireland some autumn night and, of course, when I went through that major crisis concerning my band, a few years ago, I eventually changed my mind in the autumn and decided to start things anew.

So, in September 2022, my mental health was greatly improved. Then, I was already feeling ready to start working again. I had decided that in 2023 I would go to Ireland just for a holiday, but I would never live there again. Since that time, Kirkenes would be my home. And, of course, I had to move to a new house, because it was impossible for a 26-year-old girl to live opposite her parents. In fact, the latter had to happen immediately. My parents had this old-school actors attitude, in the sense that they were residing in the village for their whole life, but they also had to be easy-to-talk-to guys. There was a freeway entrance in their house and their door was always open, so people would constantly come and go. Until that time, I used to be like that too and I used to let people, especially locals, come to my place, thus my own door was open too. Even on our own website, there was my phone number as well as my home address! Lately, though, I would sometimes be annoyed by people's constant visits, because I needed peace and privacy. I don't have any problem, if people come to my place, however, please, give me a call beforehand and inform me about your visit. Don't appear suddenly in my backyard, calling me, because then I have to give up my work in the garden or writing. Thank you! The girls, of course, were an exception, because I knew they would be here every evening.

As for those, who wondered about the reasons why I stopped being so approachable to people, there was a specific reason. After the lawsuit, everybody in the village had learnt about what had happened, thus the number of people, who were first visiting me, had suddenly become ten times larger and they all had a single aim: to become informed in more details about an issue, which, as I have mentioned before, exploded, exactly because a law issue cannot be solved through talking. And in the end, I was to blame for! The lawsuit issue had, thus, become a federal case and locals couldn't (and didn't want) to believe that their girl was in such big trouble, so they wouldn't stay out of my face. I wanted everybody to stop dealing with that issue, because, for my part, it cost me a lot; not only in terms of time but also in my mental health too. For a whole year, I was on and off to hospitals, because I couldn't realise why all this was happening. I was feeling as if I was harshly punched in my nose and hearing people asking me about this issue was reopening my wound. And this wound didn't only have to do with the fact that I was forced to sue my, once, best friend, but also with the fact that people were pointing their finger at me, saying it's your own fault as if this was something I had created alone. I have to say again that the lawsuit idea was not mine and if we examine this in-depth, the rest of the guys were pressuring me to decide on things I didn't want to, only because otherwise we would be totally destroyed. Thus, asking a deeply hurt person about what happened one year ago, is nothing but a nerve-hacking war. And the worst nerve-hacking war was the fact that I was asked, whether I had regretted the fact that I also formed a lawsuit, accusing those unspeakable people about even worse things and demanding my money back.

No! I hadn't regretted it at all. Not at all! As one makes their bed, so they must lie on it. And even though, I don't believe in any divine justice, I am deeply sure that vagabonds, in the end, bite the dust and a victim will get justice. For years, I used to be the victim, as I was abused verbally so harshly by our beloved singer plus she also tried to lure me into following illegal means, which is one of the reasons why I was feeling so bad about myself. After that, it took a whole year until I could eventually reach out of my house and it's not only my mental health to blame for it. Even if I were healthy, I couldn't meet anyone, because everybody, who would meet me, would swear on me, just like the messages I received after the incident. Consequently, I had to find justice somehow, to get my own back. I had to fight the fire, lighting a larger fire. The sadist wasn't me, as many people said, but the ones who started the fight. Yes, Lydia and I were constantly in each other's throats, but people can't really know what has caused all this. People weren't present and can't be aware of personal details, which of course, back then, I didn't want to talk about, exactly because it was nobody's business to know what problems I had with Lydia and Lars. So, you are not allowed to ask me if I have reconsidered the fact that I replied by a lawsuit and public accusations, since she lit a fire first, as she herself stole a million and a half euros.