Finding Love Through Music

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Okay, new story...very close to my life. Kind of. (Okay, not this part.) I'm humbled by the reviews and responses that this story has already received. The alerts, reviews and hits are truly humbling. Thank you so much for taking the time read the ramblings from the depths of my brain. Much love to all of you!

Also, none of this belongs to me. Never will. I just like to play with the characters created by Stephenie Meyer.

*Angst Warning*
*Tissue Warning*
Just to be safe, ya know?

Chapter Twenty-Nine

BPOV

Amelia Isabella Cullen was born on June 22nd after nearly two days of being in labor. After she was born, little Lia was put into Rose's arms and she started sobbing. Lia was a perfect combination of Rosalie and Emmett. She had Emmett's dark hair but Rose's violet eyes. The doctor was shocked at how deep the color was in her eyes but in her parents' opinion, Lia was perfection. And she was.

Edward and I were named as Lia's godparents with a special title for Emma as being her protector. When Emmett put Lia into my arms, I could barely keep it together as I held her. She was so beautiful and in a few short months, I'd be doing the same with my baby. I kissed Lia's forehead, inhaling her soft baby smell as she nestled closer to my body, trying to listen to my heartbeat. Even though she wasn't my baby, I loved Lia immediately.

I also felt strangely empty.

Memories of Mattie and how I never got to hold him invaded my mind. My soul hurt.

The morning of our witness impact statements against Ashleigh, I got into my car and I drove to Queen of Heaven Cemetery. I needed to talk to my baby boy. I needed him. It pained me to leave Edward in his slumber but this is something I had to do on my own. He couldn't coddle me as I came to grips with what I was feeling. I left a note for Edward on his nightstand, kissing his forehead before I left.

Once I got to the cemetery, I found the spot we 'buried' my son pretty easily. He was entombed in a wall near the rear of the cemetery. I was the only person there so I could fall apart on my own terms. I carefully knelt on the ground, putting a tiny blue bear next to his name. Charles Matthew Swan. "Hi, baby," I whispered. "It's been awhile but I've got some news for you. First off, your sperm donor is dead. That's a good thing. He got what was coming to him and he's probably burning in hell right now. He did hurt me, though. He took me from school and beat the crap out of me, Mattie. He did so many things to my body that I'm surprised I survived.

"I'm also surprised that the life of your little baby brother or sister survived, too. I'm pregnant, Mattie. With Edward's baby. I was so shocked when the doctor told me that I was pregnant that I thought I was getting 'punk'd.' But then I saw my baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound and I knew. You helped make this happen, Mattie. I love you so much, baby boy. I miss you. Every day. I'm happy that I'm pregnant but so upset that I never got to hold you or to see what type of man you'd be. Then, my sister-in-law has a baby via a surrogate and when I hold your cousin, Lia, I am conflicted. The love I feel for her is overwhelming but the emptiness threatens to cause me so much pain.

"Mattie, I don't know how to get over this. I'm so torn. Couple that with my anxieties of my recent abduction and I'm a mess. My therapist, family and friends are all there for me but I still feel all alone, Mattie." I fell back onto my butt and I cried, heart-wrenching sobs. I don't know how long I was crying but a pair of feeble arms wrap around me. I jumped and looked at an older woman. "I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"No, it's okay, sweetie," she chuckled. "You looked like you needed a hug."

"I need more than a hug," I sniffled.