Outside

35

Tour went faster than we expected and it was already time for us to board the next flight home, the boys had a month long break before they were playing their next bunch of shows.

Lois and I decided we were going to sit out of the leg of next tour, even though it wasn't a big one, we had things to do and we swore we wouldn't let relationships get in the way of our personal lives. I loved Van, but I had to focus on myself for a while, and the boys going back on tour for a few weeks would give me the opportunity to sort my own life out.

Van was asleep with his head laid on my thighs as we all waited for the next flight, we'd already been sat here for three hours as the first one was cancelled. We didn't care though, we had each other to stay entertained. The rest of the boys were asleep too, except for Bondy, who hardly ever slept.

When I thought more about it, Bond and I never really talked much. I was closest with Larry and Benji, but that's only because they were closest with Van. Bob was the quiet one, no one really knew much about him and the only way we could get him to be the loudest was to fill him with alcohol.

I sometimes felt bad for Bob, he just wanted to keep to himself, take some pictures and be in love with Lois, but the boys were all so hyperactive all the time and he could never have his own time. Bob liked peace and quiet, but he hardly ever actually got any.

We finally boarded the plane, and after a few hours of sleep and a few hours of the boys making the flight hell for everyone on it, we finally made it home and I could already smell the shitty Wales air before I even stepped off the plane. I wasn't excited to be home but I was excited to sort my life out, get a new job and finally move out. I was excited to start a new life without my parents breathing down my neck and telling me to do whatever they wanted me to do, I was an adult and it was time I began to be seen as one.

Being on tour with the boys, seeing how they had a whole future full of fun and amazing experiences, seeing how hard they work to get to where they are, it made me realise just how much I'd missed out on. Being in a dead end job for years, being in relationships with the worst kinds of boys, living the way my parents wanted me to. It made me realise I needed to find a path and walk on it until I was content with my life. It made me realise that I was just sitting around doing nothing, watching everyone else bloom and become the best versions of themselves whilst I got paid less than the minimum wage and treated like shit by a bunch of middle aged men.

"It would've been nice for you to call us before you came home Lyla, you know we don't like unannounced guests in the house" Mum said when I walked through to the kitchen and placed my bag down on the table.

"Mum, I'm your daughter not an unannounced guest, I live here too, remember?" I roll my eyes and make my way towards the sink to make myself a glass of water, but I'm stopped by the sound of my mum ranting and raving about me disrespecting her. I honestly wasn't expecting to be getting an earful from my mum the second I returned home, but I wasn't surprised either.

"Watch your attitude, Lyla" Mum spat, "you're treading on thin ice these days" she tells me, obnoxiously tapping her finger nails on the kitchen counter.

I rolled my eyes, took my glass of water, grabbed my bag and made my way up to my bedroom, where I locked the door and phoned Van.

"Hey baby, missing me already? It's only been two hours!" Van laughed as he answered the phone, making me melt into the chair I was sat on.

"Yeah, actually" I said, my voice low.

"What's up? Who do I have to dropkick?" Van said, and I let out a small laugh.

"It's nothing... I just wish I could be with you instead of alone at home" I whisper into the phone as I stand up and begin to walk towards my bed before I'm stopped by his next words.

"Move in with me then, Lyla" he said, so confidently as well, as if there was no doubt in his mind.

I couldn't possibly. We haven't even been together for a year yet, I couldn't move in with him so soon. What would my parents think? But then again, I never really cared what they thought when I went around the world with the boys. But that's not the point, this is huge, much bigger than just touring with him.

"Van..." I replied, not really knowing what to say.

"You don't have to decide now, it was just a suggestion... Although I would love for you to live with me, you don't have to" Van assured me softly and I stayed silent for a few seconds, thinking about how much better my life would be if I say yes, but how big this step is for us and our relationship, "baby? You still there?"

"Yeah, sorry... I was just thinking" I said, "I'm gonna let you go, you're probably busy, yeah?"

"A little, but never too busy for you, my love" he said, and I swear my heart and stomach did a million backflips.

"I love you, Taxi" I replied with a laugh, hoping he still remembers the little joke we created on the first day we met.

"I love you so much more, Oasis" he replied and the line went dead before I could fight him on it.

It warmed me to know that Van loved me enough to ask me to move in with him, enough to want me around everyday. I'd never had that before, relationships I had before were never this good. They always consisted of daily fights, arguments and him walking out and leaving me alone for weeks until he could pluck the courage to apologise for being a manipulative piece of shit.

Van made me happy, he never pushed me to do things I didn't want to do, he always told me it was my choice and that if I didn't want to do it, I didn't have to. He was never rude to me, he always tried his best to be kind even when I was mad at him, or upset with something he'd done. Van was incomparable, he wasn't like anyone I'd ever been with before. He was perfect in my eyes, he was everything I ever dreamed of.

Van was the kind of person I imagined when I thought of the man I wanted to marry.