Outside

37

I sat at the table awkwardly as Mary asked me a dozen questions about my personal life, I hated talking about myself... About who I was and where I came from, I especially hated talking about my family.

What could I even say? My mum is a stuck up bitch who couldn't care less about me, and my dad is basically an alcoholic who cares only about his car and his job? They don't even love each other, that was probably the worst thing about my parents. It wasn't the way they talked down to me and treat me like a piece of chewing gum on the bottom of their shoe, it wasn't the way they loved money and popularity and fancy champagne.
It was the way they didn't even love each other.

They hardly ever even spoke to each other unless it had something to do with me and my failure of a life. They never cared much about each other, and it was so sad to see. From a young age I was always in love with the idea of finding the perfect man, marrying someone I truly loved. But it was hard to believe that could ever happen when I grew up with two parents who sat at opposite sides of the living room every night.

It was beautiful to see how much Van's parents loved each other though. They really were the definition of love, they were the kind of couple you'd see walking down the street and you'd just look at them and wish for a marriage as beautiful as theirs.

"Lyla?" I heard Van's voice before I felt his warm hand on my arm, I didn't even realise I'd zoned out until he touched me and brought me back to the dining room, where his parents were too deep in their own conversation to even notice that I'd drifted off to another place.

Van looked at me sympathetically and I smiled in response, but I could tell he was concerned about the way I was staring at the wall for five minutes straight.

"Do you work, Lyla?" Mary asked, smiling ever so politely.

"Not at the moment, I quit my job a few months ago so I'm currently looking for another" I replied, hoping his parents won't see me any differently for not having a job.

"Really? Where did you work?" She asked.

"In a gig venue in London, it's actually where I met Van... The band was playing there, the show was amazing but it was a horrible place to work, my boss was a terrible person" I smiled, recalling the first day I met Van, although it wasn't the nicest way to meet the man you'd soon fall in love with... It was still lovely.

"I remember Van mentioning he'd met a girl after his gig" Bernard laughed and Van blushed a pale pink colour and continued to eat his meal as if he wasn't listening to us talking about him gushing about me the first day we met.

"Where would you like to work now?" Mary continued with the questions.

"I'm very much into writing, I have been since I was little but I never really perused a career in it because my dad had already got me a job at the venue... I'd really love to be an author or a journalist though, it's probably too late now though" I answered.

"That sounds lovely, maybe you could help Ryan write his songs, eh?" Mary laughed, "don't say it's too late, my love... It's never too late for anything"

I smiled at Van's mother and she carried on asking me about my life for the rest of the evening until Van decided we'd had enough and led me up to the same room we were in the last time he brought me here.

It was late by the time we actually settled down into bed, turned on the TV only to turn it back off again when we realised it was just that old shopping channel. We decided to just stare at the pitch black ceiling and listen to each other's heart beats as we chatted away into the night.

"So how long do we have until you go back?" I asked quietly, tilting my head to face him despite not actually being able to see his face.

"two more weeks, love" I could hear the sadness in his voice when he spoke, it was almost as if he could stand the thought of going back on tour, though it was the thing he loved doing the most.

"I'll miss you" I whispered sleepily, knowing that I'd definitely be asleep in the next ten minutes.

"I know darlin' I'll miss you too" Van said softly, and kissed the top of my head, letting his lips linger on my hair for a few seconds.

I ran my fingers through Van's hair as I though about what I could do whilst he was gone, I had plenty of time to sort myself out and find a job, so that's what I could do. But I could also wallow in self pity in the corner of my bedroom as I wait for the tour to be over so I can see my only source of happiness again.

I had Lois to keep me company whilst they were gone, which was amazing since she had all sorts of ideas for what we could do with ourselves whenever we got bored to the point where we were literally laying in the middle of our bedroom floors flicking through magazines we found under our beds from five years ago.

It was actually sad. Sad to think that the only time I was ever truly happy is when I was with Van. Sad to think that I relied on my boyfriend for a social life and for something to do during the day. Sad to think that when he was gone, my life was terrible and I had nothing to live for other than the long wait until the day I'd be able to meet him at the airport and hug him after months of not seeing him. Sad to think that my whole life revolved around a boy I met less than a year ago.

It wasn't long until I fell asleep squished into Van's side, the last thought in my mind being the sad fact that I'll probably never fully be independent and able to be okay on my own, I'll always have a part of me that relies on Van to make me happy, and although it's completely ridiculous... It's okay, because I knew he wanted nothing more than to make me happy every day.