Outside

47

The door swung open and Larry appeared, the look on his face told me that he was surprised to see me, almost as if he was expecting someone else to be stood at the other side of the door.

"Lyla... what're you doin' here?" He asked in a soft tone, opening the door a little bit wider.

"I'm so sorry... I just... I had nowhere else to go... my parents are over and... they just... I hate them so much and.... I can't deal with them anymore... and then Rory... he... I didn't know where to go... and it's christmas... it's cold and...I'm so sorry... I can leave if you'd like... I'm sorry if I ruined your day... I just can't be in that house anymore" I sobbed, it was cold out and my coat wasn't thick enough to keep me warm, so on top of me being unable to form a coherent sentence through my cries, I was also shivering and my teeth were rattling.

"Hey calm down love, yeah? And don't be daft, you know I wouldn't send you away with a problem, come on in... I hope you don't mind Van's sat in the kitchen? We can go someone else if you'd like" Larry said, a sympathetic smile on his face as he held his arm on my shoulders.

"I... I don't mind" I said quietly, Van was the least of my worries at this point, I was just focusing on getting warm, and getting away from Rory.

I wiped the tears from my face as best I could as we made our way through the house and into the kitchen, where Van sat at the table writing something down in the familiar notebook. He didn't even notice we'd come in until Larry coughed and he looked up, shut his book and averted his eyes to my own.

"I... Lyla... you..." Van stood up slowly, he stuttered his words and never actually managed to get anything out, he just stood there staring at me with wide eyes and a struggling mouth.

I took a step closer, coming out of my hiding place which was behind Larry, and thought about what I was doing, I had no idea. I wanted to squeeze him and never let go, I even found myself wanting to kiss him, despite my... despite Rory being at home not even ten minutes away from here. I chose the first option, because the second one would haunt me for the rest of my life. And although Rory and I were no longer together, I felt as though I'd be cheating... and I wasn't a cheater, I wasn't unfaithful, I hated people like that and I wasn't going to become someone I hated.

Our eyes met and I gazed into his deep blue irises, missing the way they used to sparkle under the stars, they were always my favourite pair of stars. I missed the way he looked at me this way, longing for something but I never really knew what.

I could smell the strong and familiar scent of his cheap cigarettes mixed with that horrible cologne he always wore, although it smelled reallf bad, I grew to love it in the time I knew Van, but maybe that was just because it was him wearing it.

I noticed he was wearing a black jumper a few sizes too big for him, it had grey stripes on it and the sleeves were too long for his arms, he looked cute, he hadn't changed much. But he had dark circles around his eyes, he cheeks were sunken in and his hair was much longer than it was the last time I saw him, which wasn't a surprise as it had been almost two years.

He wore a face that told me he was expecting me to be angry, or somewhat disappointed to see him, but neither of those feelings were present. All I felt for him in that moment was the desire to just hold him and feel the comfort of his embrace.

I stopped staring after a while, noticing that I'd been doing it for way too long. Van quickly wrapped my arms around my shoulders as if he had no time to waste, as if it was his top priority, and I buried my head into his chest, feeling the warmth and security I'd been missing the whole time I hadn't seen him.

I didn't realise that this was what I needed, for almost two whole years I'd been missing something and I couldn't understand what. Every morning I'd wake up with a sense of longing and despair, every night I'd go to bed wondering what I didn't do that day that I needed to, or wondering what that feeling in the pit of my stomach was.