chemical

4.

Calum looked up at the clock. "You should probably get ready for bed, it's already pretty late."

"It's only 10." I said confused.

"That's late enough for someone of your age with a illness."

I sighed and rolled my eyes, arguing with a  doctor seemed useless. "Fine."

"Do you need anything right now?"

I shook my head as i put my last clothes away.

"Alright, you can push the button next to your bed if that changes. A nurse may enter your room tonight but besides that it will be completely quiet." He said before leaving the room.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight Kate." He said with a smile.

I sighed and sat down on my bed when he was gone. There was no way that i was actually going to sleep tonight.

I looked around the room to find something to do. There was a tv in the room but i couldn't turn it on. It would be loud and too bright.

A bright light suddenly flashed into my room. I stood up and walked to the window to see where it was coming from.

It was an ambulance who just arrived at the hospital. It unfortunately drove past my window so i couldn't see what was happening but i did hear mutiple people yelling.

I remained at the window until it was completely quiet. All i could think about was what had happend. There are so many reasons one would be brought to a hospital. A life could be lost or the world would be one life richer.

After i closed the curtains I went back to bed. I simply lied down with my eyes open. Hoping that the night would be over soon while i kept thinking about that ambulance.

A few hours after the first sunlight had hit my room i heard a knock on the door.

I didn't react to it because it was probably just a nurse. But i was wrong, it was Calum.

"Good morning." He said joyfully as he entered my room.

I sat up in bed and looked at him. How could he be so happy this early in the morning?

"How did you sleep?" He asked with a smile.

"Not."

His smile dropped. "How come?"

I shrugged. "Just need to get used to the environment."

"No pain or nightmares?"

"No, i haven't had nightmares since i was a kid."

That was a lie, i got nightmares quite often. But had learned the trick to only sleep a few hours at the time so that i won't dream.

"That's good to hear."

"Do i start treatment today?" I aksed him as he checked my chart.

He shook his head. "Tomorrow will be your first chemo. Today you have group therapy so that you can get used to the people here and the environment."

I fucking hated therapist, they never truly cared about you. We're just another problem that has to be solved according to them.

My mom tried to take me to a therapist when i was younger but that didn't help. The more sessions i had the more resident i became.

"I don't want to." I said to Calum.

"I know you don't but I'm afraid that you don't really have a choice. You need to be healthy mentally to win this battle."

"Bullshit." I whispered under my breath

He definitely heard me saying that but chose to ignore it.

"I'll pick you up in an hour." He said before he left.

"Great." I mumbled to myself.

I stepped out of bed and got ready for what i called mental torment.

I still had half an hour left after I had finished getting ready.

I sighed and walked to the window. I wanted to open the window all the way so that i could sit on the edge if it. But the stupid thing couldn't open all the way. Probably a safety percussion to prevent people from jumping out the window.

Which was pretty stupid to me. My room was on the third floor meaning that jumping from here wouldn't kill me. Of course i would be pretty injured but not death.

"Are you ready?" I heard someone say in the distance.

I ignored the voice, i was too busy with my own thoughts.

"Kate?" Calum asked hesitantly as he went to stand next to me.

"What?" I asked a bit annoyed that he had interrupted me.

"I asked if you where ready for group therapy."

I took a deep breath. "I guess."

His smile reappeard on his face. "Follow me then."

Unwillingly i walked behind him until he stopped at a room. A man was standing infront of the open door.

"This is Kate, my new patient." Calum said the the man.

"Welcome Kate, my name is Ashton Irwin and I'll be your therapists. You can pick a seat in the circle." He said with a smile as he shook my hand.

I smiled back and walked into the room.

It felt like it was my first day at kindergarten. No face seemed familiar to me except one.

I smiled at River and sat down on a empty chair. This whole thing kinda felt like one big joke.

"We have a new patient with us today, would you like to introduce yourself?" Ashton said to me.

I stood up and waved awkwardly at the people around me. "Hey my name is Kate and i have Leukaemia."

Everybody said hello back and waved.

I almost felt like saying 'and I'm a addict' but that would be a different kind of meeting.

"Alright thank you Kate. Today we're going to start with a small exercise. I want you all to say one thing you miss about your life before you got here. It can be anything from your family to your favourite blanket."

I leaned back in my chair, this was going to be a long hour.

Just as i fell myslef fall alseep my name got called.

"Kate, do you have anything that you miss already?"

I shook my head. "No, nothing to miss here." I said with a fake smile.

He nodded and continued with the exercise. I didn't listen until i heard River.

"I guess that i miss my freedom. Like i can't even decide when i go to bed."

I looked up to see his face. He made a pretty solid point. I couldn't care less about my parents or my own room. Losing your freedom was the only thing that mattered.