chemical

34.

A week later

Calum had been acting weird ever since we had that conversation with my parents. He acted like he was hiding something or felt really sorry me. Both of those weren't good things.

I have my transplant tomorrow which freaked me out and Calum wasn't helping with it. He was absent almost all day yesterday.

My parents also haven't been much help because they didn't have time to visit. Or atleast that is what they said. I'm pretty sure that they're both still mad about me saying that i wanted to stop treatment.

River and Alice both where at home because it would be Thanksgiving soon. They where both recovering better than i was.

There was a knock on the door it was Calum.

"I didn't think that you would come today." I said to him as he entered my room.

"Why wouldn't i come?"

"You've been distant this past week and you didn't check on me yesterday."

He sat down next to me with an reassuring face. "I'm sorry for not droping by sooner. I've been really busy this week to make sure that your transplant will go smoothly."

I gave him a smile. I was happy to finally have some company so i couldn't stay mad at him for long. "You're forgiven. Why did come to see me?"

"Do you know what a port is?"

I shook my head. "No i don't."

"It's like an IV but then in your chest instead of your arm. That way we can put the medicine directly in your heart instead of your bloodstream."

"It doesn't sound very pleasant." I said a bit scared.

"You won't even notice that it is there. We will give local anesthesia when we inject it."

That was at least one positive thing.

"When will you give me one?"

He paused for a second to look at me with an almost guilty face. "I won't be the one to give it to you. Michael will give it to you in a few hours. "

"Oh." I said disappointed.

"Anything else i need to know before tomorrow?" I said unenthusiastic.

"Before we start with the transplant we are going to move you to a different room."

"Why?" I aksed.

"Your immune system will be very weak during the transplant. It can no longer fight off infections. So to make sure that you're as safe as possible you have to stay in a different unit where another bone marrow patients are." Calum explained.

"My immune system is already shit so i don't think it would make much difference."

"It's just to be safe. We don't want you to get even more sick than you already are. After the treatment you will be brought back to your own room."

"There's not need to be scared or nervous for this procedure. It's pretty similar to a blood transfusion which you are already familiar with. We will do a few sessions whoch we will spread out over a few days." He added.

"You're not making this whole thing sound any better."

He nodded. "Just remember that the results will be worth it. A few days of discomfort is better than months."

I knew what he was trying to do but it wasn't really helping. Him and i both knew that with or without treatment i would always be in pain.

He looked at his watch. "The time really moves fast today. I'm sorry Kate but i have to go."

I didn't say anything to him. If course he needed to leave after being her for only 10 minutes.

"Sleep early tonight and don't forget that you're not allowed to eat or drink." He said before he left my room.

I tiredly waved goodbye. I was alone again with nothing to do. I felt too tired and sick to even get out of bed.

I pulled the blanket over my head and closed my eyes. Sometimes i wished that i could sleep forever.

It felt like only 5 minutes had passed when i heard a knock on the door.

"Are you still sleeping?" Micheal asked when he entered my room.

"Not anymore." I said tiredly as i sat up.

"Did Calum tell you why i am here?"

I  nodded. "To give one of those weird needles in my chest."

Michael chuckled when i said that. "Indeed, I'm here to give you a port."

I sat up straight and rubbed my eyes to wake myself up. Only now i noticed that their was a nurse in my room who was preparing the needles and other supplies.

"That's Nicky she'll help me today."

The nurse smiled as she waved at me. I did the same.

"So how this will go is..."

I intruped him.

"Please don't explain it to me in too much detail. I'll only freak me out more if you do. It's better if i don't think about it too much."

"You're right, I'll just tell you what will happen today. First you will feel a light pinch on your chest, that will be the sedative. After that I'll make sure that the area is numb. So you won't even feel it when i insert the port."

"Can i keep my eyes closed?" I asked a bit scared.

"Of course you can. Anything that will make you comfortable."

I thankfully didn't have to flash myself infront of him because the port went a little higher than my boobs.

I indeed felt a small pinch firsts. I squeezed my eyes and grabbed the bed railing because i got scared.

"Take a deep breath in for me." Michael when he had removed the needle.

I did as he told and repeated it a few times until i felt a bit calmer.

"Do you feel anything right here?" He aksed as he put his fingers on my skin.

"Only a bit of pressure."

"Alright that's good. As long as you don't feel any pain."

I tensed up waiting for him to insert the needle but i felt nothing.

I opened one of my eyes and saw that Michael was holding the neelde back.

"Take a deep breath for me. You need to calm down before i can do this." He spoke.

I opend both of my eyes and took a deep breath in. "I think I'm ready." I said after a few times.

I closed my eyes again and this time i did feel the neelde in my skin. It didn't hurt at all but it still was a very uncomfortable feeling.

"You can open your eyes." Michael said after a minute.

I hesitantly opened them and looked at my chest. That wasn't a good decision of me, i immediately had the urge to rip it out.

Michael noticed this and lifted my head up. "Don't think about it too much. Out if sight, out if mind."

I put my hoodie back on hoping he was right about that.

Michael talked to the nurse for a while until she eventually left the room.

He then turned to me again. "Are you nervous for tomorrow?"

"Definitely."

He sat down next to me on the bed. "Shall we watch a movie to help you forget the nerves a bit?"

I nodded. "Yes, i would like that."

"What do you wanna watch?" He asked as he turned the tv on.

I though about it for a while before i knew the perfect answer. "harry potter."

Michael smiled at me. "Good choice."

I let myself relax against him. I was thankful that he was here right now but i couldn't help but wish that it was my biological mom who was here.