chemical

10.

"Why did she do it in the first place?"

"She went through something traumatic involving needles right before she was addmitted to the hospital. The doctor's there where unware of that and gave her an IV. They thought it was an accident the first time she ripped it out. It took them 3 times before they realised it wasn't an accident "

"What exactly happend to Kate before that?"

"I'm sorry but i can't tell you that. You'll have to ask Kate."

I nodded understandably "Thank you for sharing this me."

The mother's phone ringed.

"Shit, i have to go." she said as she looked at the number.

"Please tell Kate that I'll call her tonight. Here give her this for me."

She handed me Kate's phone and then walked away.

I put the phone in my pocket and went to Kate's room.

She was putting her clothes away in her closet when i entered the room.

"Everything okay? Your mom said you had a nosebleed." I asked her.

"I'm fine." She said annoyed.

"Are you sure?"

"Jesus christ why can't everyone just act normal? Just because i had one fucking nosebleed doesn't mean I'm dying. I'm perfectly fine. It just was a minor inconvenience."

She looked at me with an angry face while she held tightly on to a shirt that she was holding. Her whole hands where turning white.

She was moody because she had overworked herself. Her body needed to rest but she refused to listen.

"I understand, I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure that you where okay."

"Well now you know." She said a bit calmer as she turned around.

"Your mom wanted me to give you this." I said as grabbed her phone from my pocket.

She turned around and gave me a confused look. "Really?"

I nodded. "She said that she would call you tonight."

She hesitantly grabbed the phone from me.

"Why is your mom strict with phones?"

"I'm tired."  She said dodging the question.

"May i hug you goodnight?" I asked, i wanted to connect with her.

She thought about it for a second but then shook her head. "No." She whispered.

"Thats okay, mabye next time. Goodnight Kate I'll see you in the morning."

She remained quiet while she looked at the ground. She wasn't actually tired, she just wanted to be alone.

Kate

I sighed and walked to the window where i put my head against the glass. Was being left alone to much to ask for?

It was already dark outside which made me want to leave this place. Everything was better when it was dark outside. I didn't want to locked up in this room anymore.

I put my coat on and carefully opened my door. I quickly closed it when i saw Calum standing in the hallway.

My heart was racing, i was almost caught. A wave of tiredness hit me as i tried to stay as quiet as possible. Mabye it wasn't the best idea to leave the hospital right now.

I took my coat off and layed down in my head. I grabbed my phone, i can't even remember the last time that my mom allowed my to have a phone before sleeping.

I made a new Instagram account with my old email and logged in. I wanted to see what kind of things my mom was posting.

She had uploaded a photo today. She had taken a picture of me at the photoshoot without me knowing. I looked so fake that i almost didn't recognize myself anymore.

I logged out and turned my phone off. I didn't want to see all that bullshit.

I turned around in bed and closed my eyes. I was extremely tired and fell alseep within a minute.

A nurse accidentally woke me up when she delivered breakfast. "I'm sorry i didn't mean to wake you." She whispered as she slowly tiptoed back to the door.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up. "It's okay, i already was half awake."

After i had finished breakfast there was a knock on the door. I expected it to be Calum but it was the therapist from group therapy.

"Hey, glad to see you awake. Are you ready for out sessions?" He asked with a smile.

I had totally forgot about it.

"I guess so." I said a bit confused.

"That's good to hear. Shall we go to my office then?"

"Sure."

I followed him to a small buy cosy looking room. I was still in my pyjama but i didn't didn't carw about that. It was the hospital, you were allowed to look like trash.

"You can sit down."

I looked around and sat down on the most comfortable looking chair. Which happend to be the one infront of his desk.

"Calum has already told me that you're not a big talker. So don't feel pressured to speak to me right now if you don't want to." He said as he sat down infront of me.

I liked that he gave me that option. Most people just got mad at me for not saying so much.

"How are you feeling today?"

I shrugged. "Alright. Better than yesterday."

He nodded.

"Are you already a bit used to the environment here?"

"A little. Some things are still a bit strange."

"What things do still find a bit odd?"

I shrugged. "The constant noise and people. And probably the fact that people are dying i here every single day."

"Do you often think about death?"

That question made my go silent. I was too scared to answer it because i didn't know what the right answer would be.

"Do you see death as a negative thing?" He asked after i remained quiet.

"Not really. It's inevitable and part of life."

He nodded and wrote something down.

"What was the first chemo treatment like? Was it something scary or?"

"It was no big deal. I just felt kinda weird afterwards."

"Nothing else?"

There where lot of others things but he didn't need to know those.

"No."

"That's good to hear." He said with a smile.

It was quiet for a second until Ashton spoke again.

"I want you to make a bucket list."

"A bucket list?"

He nodded. "A list of things you want to accomplish in your life. It doesn't need to be anything big. Watching your favourite again is good enough.

"I can't really think of something." I said quietly.

"What's your favourite movie?" He asked.