chemical

11.

I thought about it for a second. They where so many good movie that it was hard to choose one.

"I don't know, i used to like Peter pan a lot when i was a kid."

"Well there you have your first thing. Rewatch Peter pan."

Doing that seemed useless.

"Are we done?" I aksed slightly irritated.

He looked at his watch before nodding. "For now we are."

"What do you mean for now?"

"I want to see you again next week on the time."

"No."

He didn't expect that answer. "Why not?"

I felt my heart racing as i stood up. I hated the fact that he could think that he could make that decision.

"No." I repeated.

"Please just think about it first. I won't pressure you in doing something that you don't want to do but I really think that these sessions will help you."

"Mabye." I mumbled a little surprised that he didn't get mad at me.

"Think about it and let me know what you have your answer."

I nodded. "I will."

I left his office and walked back to my room.

I layed down on my bed and thought about what he had said, a bucket list. I had only one thing that i really wanted.

I sat up and grabbed a piece of paper with a pen. My pen hovered above the page before i started writing.

Bucket list:
Visit my mother

I put my pen down and hit the piece of paer under my pillow. I grabbed my phone, my mom hasn't called like she said she would. Not that i really cared about that.

Having my phone was basically useless. My mom had an app which allowed her to see every single thing that i did.

Even if i wanted to contact my real mother i simply couldn't. She made sure that i would never see or speak to her again after what had happened.

She officially adopted me when i was around 9. She always treated my like i was here own daughter, that's why it doesn't feel weird to call her my mom.

"I thought that you didn't have a phone."

I looked up, River was standing in the doorway.

"How are you?" I aksed as i put my phone down.

"I've been better." He said as he walked toward my bed. He was limping.

I gave him a concerned look.

"It's just my leg that hurts a little. That's the thing about bone cancer, it makes you feel like an 80 year old man." He said with a smile.

"Where were you yesterday?" He asked as he sat down next to me on my bed.

"At some stupid photoshoot for a small clothing company."

He laughed a little. "It sounded like you had a lot of fun."

"Yeah, i definitely did. But this morning wasn't any better."

"Why is that?"

"I had a therapy with Ashton."

"How did it go?"

I shrugged. "It was alright. I just don't like talking to people about how i feel or what I'm thinking about."

"I totally get that. When i first arrived at the hospital i hated everyone here, i didn't believe that they where trying to cure me. I know now that they are trying their best just like i am."

"Did you have to talk to Ashton?"

He nodded. "Mutiple times. I used to talk to him every week at one moment. But i don't need that anymore."

"Did he tell you to make a bucket list?"

He looked at me a bit surprised. "Yeah he did. He said that it would help to think positively. Did he also tell you to make one?"

I nodded. "Yes but i have no idea what to put on it."

"I just random stuff on mine. Like meeting up with my old highschool friends."

I layed down with my head on his lap.

"I don't think my doctor likes me." I said to him.

"Why would you think that?"

"I don't know. I feel like I'm not who he wants me to be."

"Who does he want you to be?" He asked.

"I don't know. That's  what I'm trying to figure out."

Suddenly my phone rang. I sat up, it was my dad who was calling me.

"Hello" i said enthusiastic.

"Hey sweetie, how are you?" He asked. It felt good to hear his voice again.

"Pretty good, just a little tired. How are things at home?"

"Great, the house does feel empty without you. I'm sorry for not coming to see you. I've been really busy at work."

"It's okay, i know how important your job is for you." I said with a sad face.

River gently placed his on my knee, he was letting me know that he was here for me.

"Did you have fun yesterday? Your mom told me you had a photoshoot."

"It was alright. You know how how i feel about those things."

He laughed. "Yeah, i can remember it very clearly. I assume that your mother had to beg you to say yes?"

"Kinda, she also promised me McDonald's so it was hard to say no this time."

I heard him laugh for second before he was silent again. "I'm sorry but i gotta go sweetie but I'll talk to you soon. I love you."

"I love you too." I said before he hang up.

I sighed and put my phone away. I hated the fact that he was always busy. He would understand me so well if he just took the time for it.

"You have a pretty good relationship with your dad don't you?" River asked me.

I nodded. "It's not perfect but it's much better than the relationship i have with my mom."

"I have the same. I can talk very easily with my dad but everything just seems so difficult with my mom."

"Do you have any siblings?" He asked.

I smiled. "God no. Just the thought of that scares me."

River laughed at that comment. "It's not that bad to have siblings. I have a little brother and he means the world to me. I mean we fight a lot but at the end of the day we still love each other."

I layed back down and looked at the ceiling. River layed down next to me.

"It kinda sucks that they don't let you paint your room. It would've been awesome if we painted the nightsky on the ceiling."

I smiled at him when he said that. "You just
gave me the perfect idea to put on my bucket list."