chemical

24.

I heard voices next to me when i woke up to a blinding light.

"You're awake." Calum spoke to me.

I ignored him and tried to sit up but everything hurted too much, especially my legs.

When i looked outside i noticed that it was light outside. My whole time schedule was messed up because in my head it was still dark outside.

I wanted to itch my arm but stopped myself when i saw a needle in it. They gave me an IV.

I immediately freaked out and tried to pull it out.

Calum noticed this and put his hand over it. "It's just fluids. It will make you feel beter."

I tried to move his hand but he was too strong for me.

"10 stitches." He whispered to me.

I gave him a confused look for a second but then remembered what had happened.

"I'm so sorry." I said to him with tears in my eyes.

He shook his head, he didn't want me to apologise. "What happend yesterday that caused you to do this?"

"Too much."

He sighed and released his hand from my arm. "Did your mom gave you that scale?"

I nodded.

"Why would she do that?"

"So that I could maintain my weight."

He shook his head in disbelief.

"Are my parents here?"

He nodded. "They're talking to Ashton."

"Why?"

Calum didn't answer right away which kinda scared me.

"They're discussing if you're safe here. Mabye this place isn't the right one for you."

I quickly shook my head. I didn't want to leave this place. I didn't want to have any other doctor than Calum.

"My mom is the one who made it unsafe with that stupid scale."

"It's not about that. This happend because no one was their for you when you needed it. Mabye another hospital or doctor can offer that to you."

"But you're the only doctor who can cure me."

He looked me in the eyes. "Be honest with me Kate. Do you even want to get better?"

I moved back and avoided eye contact. I didn't want to answer that question because it would only disappoint him.

He sighed and stood up.

"Where are you going?" I said panicked.

"Kate i can't be your doctor if you're only getting worse and not better."

Him saying that hurted more than i would like to admit.

"Please not you too." I said to him.

He paused for a moment. He was listening to me but he wasn't bothered to turn around.

"Fuck you, fuck you." I yelled at him.

He still didn't react.

"I thought that you where better than the rest but i was wrong. You just treat me like the rest."

I paused as tears ran down my face.

"You just leave when you're not happy with how i am. I'm sorry that i don't know if i want to get better. I'm sorry that I'm scared to go to sleep. And above all I'm sorry for not being perfect enough."

I took a deep breath as i calmed myself down.

"I'm finished you can leave." I said to Calum.

He finally turned around. He was also crying.

"Stop apologising for things that aren't in your control. "

He sat back down ony the chair next to my bed.

"I don't know what to do Kate. I don't want to see you in pain like this." He said as he voice broke.

I was shocked by his reaction because it wasn't like him. He was always so calm and no he was completely breaking down.

He put his head on my bed as tried to hide his tears.

"Calum please look at me." I said softly to him.

He listened and put his head up.

"You're the only one i care for right now. I need your help with getting better. And i know that I'm making this very hard for you but please don't give up on me. I would be in so much more pain if you weren't my doctor."

He whiped his tears away and gave me a small smile. "Thank you. I think that i needed to hear that."

I smiled back at him. "I know that you did."

He whiped his last tears away and cleared his throat as he stood up. "I'm sorry, that wasn't very professional."

I laughed when he said that. "As if you're always professional" I said jokingly.

"Shut up." He said as he laughed along.

"Do you know where River is?" I asked him.

"He's in his room with his mom. I assume that you already know about his surgery?"

I nodded. "I talked to him before..uhm all this happend." I said pointing to my thighs.

Calum frowned and sat back down. "Did he push you to do this?"

I shrugged. "I don't think it was just that. It was something that had been building up for a long time."

"What did you guys talk about?"

I remained quiet.

"You can tell me what he said. Before you passed out you said that you didn't deserve to be here. Did he put that thought into your head?"

"You're pushing me." I whispered to him. I didn't want to think about the things River had said to me.

He leaned back in his chairs and nodded. "You're right, I'm sorry. I just don't want this to happen again."

"Neither do i."

I truly meant that. I didn't want to disappoint people any more than i've already done.

"What can we do to prevent this from happening again?"

I shrugged, i didn't know the exact answer to that question.

"Perhaps i should talk to Ashton instead of avoiding him. Or atleast talk to someone before i do something I'll regret."

Calum nodded. "You can talk to anyone you want. We're all here for you."

I have him a thankful smile. I was extremely happy to have him here right now. It felt like he was the only who truly listened to me.

Their was a soft knock on the door, it was Ashton. "Your parents want to see you."

I nodded as if i had a choice.