The Survival

Chapter 45

 "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen."

"Amen." Everyone says at the same time after Lucy's prayers.

Everyone except me. I say it mentally, but I still can't believe that what happened in fact happened. I'm still thinking that I'm having a nightmare and that I'll wake up and find out that Sarah is still alive, and she isn't even sick or whatsoever. I don't dream about waking up and being in my comfy bed anymore, I dream about waking up to see her green eyes sparkling and watch her with her bubbly attitude.

But as I see everyone lowering down to the small grave that we made especially for her I know that that is never going to occur.

Everyone is heartbroken, sad but above all shocked. Yet, I know without a doubt that the ones that are suffering the most is me and Beth, the only difference is that I shut down, I hide all my feeling, cover my emotions and at that very moment I'm nothing more than a robot.

The same can't be said about Beth, the poor soul has been crying for the whole day, panic attacks have been a constant and no one has the ability to make her stop. Nathan says that I could try and help her, I could talk with her and say sweet words to calm her down, but how can I when my world is now dull?

Beth is the third one to say goodbye to our friend, right after Lucy and Dylan. She tries to contain the sobs, but the tears that are streaming down her face betray her and tell us all her real state.

She mumbles to the grave that we all tried to beautify her 'last stop' as much as we could. We covered the upper part with snow, the whitest we could find and then we found rosemary that we placed on top of the fluffy snow.

As I look at the purple and beautiful rosemary I can't stop my thoughts to divagate to around a month ago when I saw rosemary on the first day that we got lost in the woods. The first day of our torment was going to start, yet we had no clue of what was waiting for us.

I've always liked flowers, let's be honest which girl doesn't? But rosemary is a flower that is going to be stained with blood for as long as my memory allows me.

Beth finishes her talk, last talk, with Sarah and I see a small tear fall on the snow before she gets up and walks back to the place she was standing before but now she leaves with shoulders down, trembling lips and with her arms hugging herself.

"You should go next." I hear Nathan saying by my side. Without looking at him I nod and make my way to one of my longest and dearest friends. I fall to my knees and observe the grave that is the only thing we were capable of doing for her, the only way we could honor her and to make her stay and find peace.

"You didn't deserve this," I whisper slowly, "You didn't deserve to die so young and neither deserve this crappy grave. You should've died older with crinkles and grandchildren. You should've died and have a huge and glamorous funeral with a grave that was worthy to you, but this was the best we could give you."

I look at the sky and take a deep breath as I feel tears starting to build up in my eyes. I knew that this was going to be difficult, after all I'm saying goodbye to a good friend but I just...

"What will we do now? Hmm? What will I do without you there to annoy me and criticize me? I want you to know that..." I stop once again and try to contain my tears, but I know that they will fall when the next words leave my mouth.

"I want you to know that I tried my best." I finish the sentence that didn't want to come out, "I did everything I could to save you, I-I... I was so worried about you, all I cared about while you were sick was you and nothing more. I didn't care if I wouldn't eat for you, I didn't care if I would catch a cold for giving you my clothes to keep you warm. I just wanted you to get better." Tears start to leave my eyes one by one and fall at the feet of the grave.