Fallen Spider [Irondad Spiderson]

Chapter Fifteen-Talking To the End

"How ya feeling Pete?" Natasha asks in a soft voice as I walk into the family room and take a seat on the couch. I hadn't slept in 2 days but I'm  going to let them know about the extra day. I couldnt bring myself to reply. "You know it was good thing if you to try and save her. It's not your fault" she says.

Clint walks up behind me and squeezes my shoulder "shes right bud".

They're just pitying you... they dont care that you're upset.
I know!
They're probably all pissed at you because you let that poor woman die. See you cant save anyone.
"Please just SHUT THE FUCK UP"

"Are you okay Peter?" Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

"O-oh yeah Mr. Stark. I am SO sorry I did not mean to yell at you I just have a really bad headache i-i-i n-need to sleep" I fully relized what i did and began to tremble. My throat feels so tight and I'm trying hard to keep my tears in.

"Pete" I get up and run to my room and curl up into a ball on my bed. A crying mess. That's all I am. I hold myself tight. Several different people come and knock on my door but there's nothing I can do. It's like my body is numb.

Finally I get up with an idea. Mr. Barnes would never know that I cut if I hid it really well. I wall over to my closet and smile. I pull out my pencil pouch. I usually wear crew socks (socks that go halfway up your calf[I had to google that]) and he's never checked there.

I go back to my bed and FRIDAY shuts down after locking my door. I pull up my sweat pants and push down my socks. I take a look at the fresh skin. I have never cut there so no scars were littered. I sigh and take the blade to my calf and slice. I hum the lyrics to a song as I do so.

I want to be a bottle blond

I dont know why but I feel conned

I want to be an idle teen

I wish I hadn't been so clean

I want to stay inside all day

I want the world to go away

I want blood guts and chocolate cake

I want to be a real fake

Yeah I'd wish I'd been wish I'd been a teen teen idle

Wish I'd been a prom queen fighting for the title

Instead of being 16 and burning up a bible

Feeling super SUPER SUPER

SUICIDAL

*starks POV*

How the hell do I make someone feel better when they dont believe my words. Poor kid. He doesnt deserve all this. He goes to be a hero and comes back feeling like a villian.

*Parker's POV*

I keep cutting until blood covers the whole area. I wrap my leg in gauze and tape it still. Pulling up my sock and pulling my pants down guilt settles on my chest. I made a promise and I broke it. I fucked up just like I do for everything else. I'm useless. I'm in needed. EVERYTHING ABOUT ME IS FUCKING WRONG. I dont deserve to be here. I dont deserve to be an avenger.

I put away my stuff and laid back down on my bed. I grabbed a notebook and started to write some words.

Stupid. Fuck up. Ugly. Fat. Hated. Useless. Worthless.

I sigh and put on a smile and go out my door. I had to go make some people happy.

"Hey guys. I'm really sorry I freaked out on you earlier. I-i was just really upset. Know that I think about it you're right. I tried to save that lady but she wouldnt let me."

Everyone said something nice and then went back to what they were doing.

"Hey Peter dinner is going to be done soon"

"Thanks Captain, I'm gonna go get something from my room real quick".

I grab my suit and put it on. I grab my pencil pouch and take off through my window.

I know what I have to do. I swing my way to the closest tall building and just stand on the top for a minute taking in the sunset. Its beautiful. I take off my suit and place it on the ground. I take one of my blades and I run it across my arm deep. It hurts like hell but its comforting. Blood falls more than a trickle and I walk dangerously close to the edge. I just stand there for a moment and I begin to feel dizzy. Probably from blood loss.

Hi. Sorry this chapter is really rushed and not very well written. It was just very triggering to write and I had to get it done before I broke down. See you soon loves💕💕💕