Different Shades

17

Rose pov:

five days later....

I sat on the sofa, and looked outside as the rain fell down. It was peaceful... everyone checked on me when Christian was at the games... he didn't want me alone he was afraid, but all I needed was Taylor.. too talk to Taylor. I didn't know what to feel.. I wanted him to care about me but not me pushing it as far as almost dying. He makes me so mad because I am not even mad at the fact he was all over a fucking stripper but I just didn't know what in the hell to do. I want to talk about it. My phone was buzzing, and I looked and it was Taylor.

I answered, and he had the biggest smile.

"Rose, you finally answered me I told you we can still talk you said we can be friends." He says

I give a weak smile.

"what happened, I know you enough now to know something big happened." He says

"I tried killing myself, I told Christian that I had small feelings for you and he acted like it was the end of the world." I say

Taylor looks shocked. "Since you've been gone I gotten really close to Kira and she help me realize that our relationship is more a friendship type and maybe to Christian him hearing you say you liked someone else did mean his world was ending."

I looked down.

"I've been thinking how to handle all this, and it might sound stupid to get married in four months but he is it for me, but I just want him to see what he did and the hell he put me through." I tell Taylor

He shakes his head. "Be the bigger person, but you two definitely need to have a sit down and lay it on the table...because you have so many people who don't won't you to die because of one man."

"I know." I hear the door opening "let me let you go bye." I quickly hang up the phone.

Christian comes in the living room. He looked like shit.

"Are you down talking with Taylor?" He asked

"How did you know, do you have cameras?" I asked

"No, I told him to call you today that you really needed it." He says sitting the on the coffee table in front of me

"You hate our relationship, why would you do that?" Sitting up staring at him

I wanted to reach out and touch him...its been too long. Way too long.

"Because I'm a fuck up and you were in a good place and I fucked it up by my jealously and I never ever want to see you like that it broke me." He says tears forming in his eyes

"I'm so sorry I put you through that." I say

He shakes my head, taking my hand pulling me into the room where he had his sex tools and other things we've never used.

"Sex isn't going to fix this." I say

"I'm not asking for sex, I want you to use these on me I want to feel the pain you felt in those moments I want you to make it hurt..I summit to you." He says

Christian gets on his knees, and hands me the whip. I am not going to hurt him not the way she did. I could never. I don't know why anyone would hurt someone in this way at all. I don't know much about love, but I know that that wasn't love at all.

"Get up, I am not going to hurt you at all especially not this way." I say to him

He didn't get up. "Christian get the hell up, please."

"No, don't you see how fucked I was doing that damage I caused to you, and I am a fucking mess and I got mad that I was losing you and I can't lose you..you saved me from myself and what I could've become." He says tears rolling down his face.

I get down on my knees, putting my hands on his face.

"Rose, I would die for you I would be anything and everything for you because you are my life now and forever...no woman has ever made me feel all the love you have given me."

I put wipe his tears as they fall. My love broken over me, someone like me. I am a nobody and he thinks I am amazing.

"Christian I am fine, I am fine I swear I won't ever put you through that again." I say to him

"I promise you I won't ever treat you like shit ever ever again I swear I won't ever make you feel that low ever again, I swear Rose I love you."

I've never seen Christian break like this, at all. He barely opens up and its rare for me to see him cry. I knew how hurt he is, and I feel stupid for trying to kill myself. I don't know why I was selfish in that way. I don't know how I could do this to him, his heart. I didn't know how much damage I caused doing that to myself.

"I want, need you to kiss me." I say

He shakes his head. "My touch is toxic."

"Christian Stephen, if you don't kiss me right now then I swear to you I will go back to Arizona." I say softly

He presses his lips to mine, it felt like the first time we kissed. The love was coming back, and the feelings. everything all the bad he has done to me and the pain we both caused...gone. I didn't know what this life is going to bring, but all I know is that I am in love with this man, and he has brought me more happiness since I can remember. I love him, and he is everything.