Saving Her Lost Soul

Chapter 22

I sit in the back behind Flynn as he drives. My knees are to my chest, resting my chin on my knees as I watch the buildings passing us. "Head south, bro," Tyler instructs as we drive out of our hometown.
"Carefully," I growl as he takes a corner too fast for my liking. Will I ever get over the fear of being in a car? It's better in Tyler's car but I still feel the fear seeping into my body so that it's suffocating me. I try focus on my breathing in and out to settle this fear.
"Calm down, Riley. I'm only doing thirty miles per hour," Flynn sulks but I know he's being careful because of me. Flynn reaches across to the radio and turns it to capital and turns it up. I wish it was a bit warmer so I can open the window and get some fresh air.
I clock watch as we drive to our destination. Tyler continues to give Flynn directions as I sit with my hands clutched to Rosie with white knuckles in silence. My phone pings and I retrieve it from my pocket. I open it and it's a nude from Jesse and I'm not sure whether to laugh or be shocked. I laugh anyway and start composing a text.
ME-Impressive, do you miss me that much?
"What are you laughing at Sis?" I look up and Tyler and he's looking back at me. I shrug but keep giggling.
I glance at Flynn who's looking at me with the same curiousity as Tyler is, "Jesse just texted me. Well, again. I guess he's missed me."
JESSE-I was beginning to think I had the wrong number. Are you for real? I've missed my wake up calls.
"What did he say to have you in stitches?" I frown at Tyler. In stitches? I felt as though it was forced but I guess Tyler is just happy I am laughing at all.
"Well, it's not what he said." I glance at Flynn and he glares into the rearview mirror before focusing back on the road, "It's more what he sent me. Certainly looked like he missed me, if you catch my drift." Tyler screws his face up and turns back to watching the road cringing.
"Ew, gross. I don't want to hear anymore. Wait till I get my hands on him! Fucking sending my sister nudes. I'll have his fucking head."
"Well, I guess I had promised him nudes. I guess that was drunk me though. I guess he'll just have to be disappointed."
"Stop talking, Lee!" I roll my eyes. "Christ, no one in this car wants to hear about that!" My phones rings and it's Jesse. Fuck my life.
"Hey," I answer.
"Hey, where's my photo? When are you back? I'd rather see you in person." I roll my eyes, like he will ever have me whilst I'm sober.
"Well, I'm not planning on getting naked in my brother's car with him and Flynn. In a couple of days. We will be back for classes on monday, I guess."
"I'm going to beat your ass Jesse!" Tyler yells so Jesse can hear him but it only makes Jesse laugh.
"Later?" he asks hopefully. "Flynn is with you guys? Maybe I should come next time, that would be fun."
"It's bad enough that I'm here okay? I don't plan on bringing anyone here. It's bad enough having Flynn here." I don't bother looking at Flynn's reaction, I'll have to deal with that later. "Look, I'll text you later."
"Sure, I look forward to it, bye Blake." I roll my eyes and hang up the phone. I look at my text from Nathan.
ME- Never gunna happen.
NATHAN- Never say never, Blake.
ME- I don't date, give up!
I groan as I stare at the screen.
NATHAN- You're worth waiting for.
ME- Well in that case, I'll see you in the after life because that's how long you'll be waiting.
"What was that?" Tyler says. "You're mumbling to yourself Lee Lee."
"Bloody Nathan, that's all. Can you please tell him to back off? He's sweet and all but he thinks I'm lying about more. I will never want more, not from him, not from anyone. He said he will wait for me but I don't want to see him pining over me because he has no chance!"
"Fuck sake, what is it with my friends around you? Nathan is harmless though. You said it yourself he's sweet. If any of them--I'd approve of you two, why not him?" I hear the faint growl from Flynn.
"Because I'm broken, Tyler! Why can't you get that?"
"Mom seems to think there's a guy. You said there was yet you won't tell me who it is? Sorry for caring."
"Drop it, Ty. I know you care but it's hard to let you in. I've been damaged beyond repair. It's hard to trust people. You may have seen a change in me but I'm still the same fucked up person. I was alone then when he hurt me, I'm alone now."
"You aren't alone, Lee. You just won't let me help you. If you would have told me, trusted me, I would have saved you back then."
"Do you not know me at all? I didn't want saving back then. I loved him, I would have done anything for him. That's precisely why I can't let people in! Because I'm a bad judge of character. I always learn from my mistakes. Mostly. I don't deserve you and everyone around me."
"Sis, when will you let that guilt go? It wasn't your fault. It could have happened to anyone. I wish he was still alive so I could kill him myself."
"If he was still alive, I know I'd still be with him. You wouldn't understand what it's like. Besides, you wouldn't have known about it if he was alive. He would have wormed his way back into my life at some point."
"Exactly, that's why it's a blessing that he's dead. A blessing Riley. You need to make the most of that. Live the life you deserve." I roll my eyes.
"Blessing or not, I'm still damaged. What I want doesn't matter! Nothing ever goes right for me. You think things are so easy when they aren't!"
"Turn off here, bro," he intructs to Flynn. "What do you want?" he says calmer now. I'm still reeling.
"I want the pain to go away. I want to forget it all. I want to never have met him. I want to be normal. I want things to be easier. Sometimes I think the only way is to . . ." I stop myself from saying anymore.
"You can't go back in time, Lee. Look forward, the only way is to what?" I look out the window but I can feel both their eyes on me. I can feel Flynn burning me.
"Sometimes I feel it would better if I weren't here," I whisper. "To not cause you pain, to not feel this pain. I will never be the same and that hurts you all. So if I were gone, it would be easier for everyone. You could live your lives remembering and missing the old Riley. Not this self-destructive Riley."
"You think Tyler would be better off with you dead?" Flynn growls. "Your parents?" I don't look at him because I know what I'll see. "How can you think they will be better off? They do nothing but tread on egg shells around you because they are afraid to lose you."
"They already have lost me. Or rather the Riley they loved. Exactly! They can't be themselves knowing I'll do something stupid. They wouldn't hurt so much if I wasn't here causing them pain."
"No, I don't believe that Ri! They loved you then and they love you now. You're still in there, you've just buried that Riley. Stop pretending she's dead when I of all people know she's not. This is all you Ri, you block that part of yourself to your loved ones to stop the pain. You block them out. Not that you're dead. Accept that!"
"Stop it! You don't know me!" I yell. I look into his eyes as he glances at me in the mirror. His burning eyes bore deep inside of me like he's reaching for something.
"I can see Ri!" is all he says.
"I want to get out, pull over."
"No," he growls.
"We are nearly there, sis. Please," he begs. "Next left," Tyler instructs again.
"I can't breathe," I mumble. I start to panic. My eyes burn, fucking tearless eyes. I suck in air as I take my seatbelt off in a fruitless attempt to feel less claustaphobic.
"Calm down, Lee. Put your seat belt back on. We are two minutes away." I can't calm down. I need out of this moving car. I see Flynn's hand slide through the gap and I hesistate. I look in to the reaview mirror and he nods at me.
I grab his hand and his fingers entwine around mine. I shut my eyes feeling the burn and the comfort of his hand. I stay silent with my eyes closed until I feel the car stop. I open my eyes and see we are in the car park of the lido. I jump out of the car and I sit on the damp floor with my head on my knees.
"Ri," Flynn kneels in front of me. "You're safe," I know I am. "Breathe," I am fucking breathing. Too much if you ask me.
"Sis, come back to us. You're causing a scene, police will probably arrest you for acting crazy." Tyler grabs my arm and lifts me to my feet. "I hate what he did to you."
"I did this, if I hadn't got behind the wheel." I whisper, "Just give me a minute," I insist. They both stay quiet whilst I gather my thoughts. This is so stupid. I open my eyes and Tyler and Flynn are watching me cautiously. "I'm good," I say sucking in more air. I grab my bag from the car and shut the door.
"About time, thought I'd die of boredom." Flynn groans. I shove him with my body but end up falling into his chest. He catches me before I do any real harm. I look up at him and he smiles at me before pushing me away. "You're sister is so bloody clumsy."
"Yeah, I know," he agrees. I poke my tongue out and we walk into the Lido. We walk to the desk and Tyler ask for three people as he pays.
"Bro, you forgot the armbands for your sister!" Flynn laughs and Tyler joins him. I swing my hand to slap Flynn's head but he grabs my wrist. "Easy now, violence is not the answer," he mocks me. He uses his thumb to stroke my wrists subtly.
"I'm a good swimmer I'll have you know! Tyler, tell him to stop picking on me." Flynn doesn't let go of my wrist and I don't mind.
Tyler turns to face us once the receptionist hands over the reciept. "Hey, don't look at me! I like that he treats you like a sibling. Two big brothers to look out for you." I frown, there's that word again.
I walk passed them to the changing rooms, "Always so moody, is she always like this?" I push over the double doors with too much force and they slam open. I get the smell of the chlorine, I've always loved that smell but it's over powering Flynn's scent and I don't like it so I crinkle my nose.
"Yep! Always!" Tyler agrees. I enter a cubicle trying to ignore them. I strip so I'm only wearing the stupid bikini. When have I ever showed this much skin in public since the accident? It's always been dark when I've been with guys. Well apart from Flynn.
I sit on the bench in the cubicle after I packed the clothes in my bag. I should have made them stop at a shop so I could get a full piece set. I feel too exposed, I know I'm not ugly but the scar that's showing makes me self conscious. "Sis, are you coming out sometime today?"
"No, I'm good. I'll stay here, you two have fun." I mumble through the door. I hear them sigh in annoyance.
"What now?" Flynn groans.
"I need a piss, get her to come out will you? You already wasted half the day in bed." I roll my eyes.
"Ri, open the door before he comes back." I get my towel out my bag and place it around me as I open the door. He steps inside and locks the door behind him. "Why won't you come out?"
"I'm too exposed," I frown and look at the floor, "I used to love this outfit but now. . . I hate it. My scar is showing and I don't want people to see it." Flynn puts his hand under my jaw and lifts my chin to meet his gaze.
"Your scar isn't even that noticable, no one will see it in the water." His free hand reaches for my towel and I don't stop him. My towel pools at my feet, I would look away if I could but his hand is firmly keeping me in place. "You're so beautiful, you shouldn't need to hide." He steps back to examine my outfit releasing my jaw. "Fuck, Ri. That colour suits you, I love it."
"It's not black," I mumble.
"I hate to break it to you Ri but black does nothing for you." He steps towards me again after he's finished raking my body. His fingers graze my cheek and then slides through my hair and I groan throwing my head back. His left hand cups my ass pinning me to his bare chest. My hands rest on his chest. His lips claim mine in haste.
My earlier feelings in the car are now forgotten. I can't decide if I'm weak for letting him in or strong for letting him consume me. I always said I wouldn't let anyone close but I've admited to myself that I need him. Should that be considered weak or strong? I'd have said weak but it's hard to let him in. His wet soft lips move against mine. I wrap my arms around his neck and lift myself so my legs wrap around him.
He slams my back against the wall. I want to be closer, my whole body is burning for him. Electricity zaps through me as he swipes his tongue and piercing across mine. His lips demanding my attention, my lips following his lead. I like that he dominates me, I've tried to be in control for so long that it's nice to want to follow his lead. I need his direction. He pulls away from me leaving me a panting mess. "He will be back in a sec, come."
He grabs my hand and pulls me to the door. I grab my bag and towel from the floor and Flynn opens the door. He releases my hand and I head to a locker and stuff my things in. "You work quick bro." Tyler says as he comes around the corner, "I was expecting her still in there." Flynn is anything but quick, in the bedroom area at least. I've known guys last twenty seconds, never again.
I roll my eyes and move away from the locker. Tyler and Flynn place their belongings in the locker and Tyler produces a token to put in the door. He shuts it and turns the key. He passes me the key and I roll my eyes. I put it around my ankle, I always hated it on my wrist and Tyler never wears the key.
We walk out of the changing rooms and the heat is almost suffocating. I walk directly behind Flynn one to hide my scar but also to try keep his scent in my nose instead of the chlorine. We come to the showers and I shiver as I turn it on. "Stupid cold shower," I mutter to myself.
I hate the initial damp feeling. I walk carefully on the tiles to ensure I don't slip with wet feet. I've done that often enough. "Let's go on that one first," Tyler points to the slide with rubber dinghy's. We walk to the stairs for the slide.
"Tyler? Riley?" I groan as I turn to see the face of the voice. Ezra. I hear Flynn groan too. "You never said you were coming here?"
"Hey, Ez. Are you on your own?" Tyler asks.
"I'm here with my sister but she ditched me. Can I join you guys?" Tyler nods and we head up the stairs, "Hey, Riley. You look good." I look at him and I see him blush.
"Thanks," I smile at him. He's cute in his innocent kind of way. His shaggy dark hair drips over his face and chest. His green friendly eyes look at my face with lust. "How's your sister?"
I grab a dinghy and nearly knock him over. "Easy, Lee. Don't knock him out." I didn't mean to. Ezra rubs his forehead and I instinctively touch his face.
"I'm sorry, I'm a bit clumsy." Ezra blushes again stroking the back of his head awkwardly and I let my hand drop.
"It's okay, really," he insists and we carry on walking and I'm extra careful with my inflatable. "She's good, annoying but good."
"Good," I don't know what else to say.
He reaches forward and touches my scar, "Whoa," I slap his hand away and cover myself with the dinghy. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that."
"It's fine, Ez. I just can't stand people touching me there." Well, anywhere whilst sober really. His hand slides through mine.
"What about that? Is that okay?" I cringe slightly. His friends would just take my hand and ask nothing of it but he has to ask. We shuffle forward in the queue. Tyler and Flynn are talking to each other essentially ignoring us but I know Flynn is listening.
"Er, I guess." I shrug.
"Good, it's my lucky day." I smile politely and he blushes again. "Do you like the waterpark?" he says trying to distract me from his blushing.
"It's okay I guess. You?"
"Yeah, it's sick." I roll my eyes and he looks flustered again, "I mean the flumes are great." I nod. We shuffle forward again and it's Tyler's turn. He gets on his dinghy and waits for the green light. He pushes himself forward when he gets the all clear.
Flynn turns and glares at Ezra and he lets go of my hand. "Keep your hands to yourself. Got it?" Flynn growls. Ezra nods silently. Flynn turns back around and gets in his dinghy and he disappears.
"Sorry," I mutter. Flynn has a temper but he knows he can't really say anything with Tyler around.
"Is he your boyfriend?" Yes, well not in the public eye.
"No, he's Tyler's best friend. He's a bit protective like Tyler is I guess." I walk into the water and jump into the dinghy I push myself forward once I see the green light. I hold tightly to the handles. I see nothing but darkness as the flumes takes me down. The inflatable twists and turns as it's pushed round the bends.
My stomach drops when the flumes drops faster downhill out of nowhere and my throat unexpectedly releases a scream. My eyes adjust as I start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The dinghy crashes into the water and I somehow stay in the dinghy. I take a look at my surroundings and see Tyler and Flynn holding the edges to wait for me.
"You okay?" Tyler asks. I nod when I reach them and they let go of the sides and we float in the current. We drift down the slight incline and the water splashes me soaking my face. I'm so glad that I didn't wear make up. It would be smudging down my face right now. My ring hits into Tyler's which in turn hits into Flynn's causing me to laugh.
Flynn's feet push into my ring pushing me away and my ring sways in the water nearly knocking me out. His bellowing laugh echos over the noise of the water and the kids screaming with excitement. "Flynn," I whine as I nearly come out of the ring. That's the one thing I hate about waterparks is the noise. There is no peace here unless you stick your head underwater and even then it's not complete silence.