Saving Her Lost Soul

Chapter 29

More days pass by the same as before. I know Tyler swings by because I see him on the camera but I don't answer the door. I run, shower, sketch, eat, run and sleep every day. That's all it consists of, nothing else. My phone buzzes and I pick it up.
NATHAN- Up to anything tonight? X
ME- Nothing of importance.
NATHAN- Don't suppose you want to do something tonight? X
ME- Umm, you wanna come over?
NATHAN- I'll be there in ten. X
I smile at the screen and jump up and run to get in the shower. My water bill is probably going to be really high with showering multiple times a day. I shower in minutes and dress in casual clothes. I fold my blanket and hide Rosie. I'm too old to have a stuffed toy.
I keep my apartment clean. I am a slob but I like my home clean and tidy. The door knocks and I run to the door. I undo the bolts and open the door. "Hey, come in." I smile and he walks in.
"So what do you want to do? I'm surprised you agreed to the date." I hold my hand up to stop him.
"Look, it's not a date. This is new for me but I don't want to give you false hope. Maybe we could try the whole friend's thing. It's all alien to me so I understand if I'm not worth the trouble." He grins at me making me relax a bit.
"I was kidding, Riley. Friends, no expectations. I just like spending time with you as long as you want me around." I let out the breath I didn't realise I was holding.
"You want to watch a movie? My Dad lets me order any movie on sky, prime or I have Netflix too." I shrug.
"Cool," he takes his shoes off and walks to the sofa. He sits in my corner seat and I cross my arms.
"Hey, if we are going to get off on the right foot you'll need to vacate out of my seat," I say playfully. He looks back at me and holds his hands up grinning and slides over.
"Yes ma'am." I giggle and walk over to sit next to him in my seat. I pass him the remote so he can choose. "Man, they have the latest Terminator. You want to watch that?"
"I haven't watched any of them," I shrug, "But sure, I'm not fussy." His mouth falls open as he looks at me.
"How have you never watched the Terminator? Well, we better watch the first one then, as long as you commit to 5 more nights to be exact," I giggle.
"Sure, they better be good then," I continue laughing.
"Oh, they are brilliant." He finds the first film and presses play. "One sec," he jumps over the back of the sofa and walks to the light switch by the door. He flicks it off and then jumps back over the sofa.
"Alright Hulk, don't break my sofa." I mock him and he chuckles. I get comfy and focus on the screen. It becomes more awkward with the light off. Why couldn't he have kept the light on? I bring my knees to my chest protecting myself.
I focus on the movie until his hand slides into mine about twenty minutes through. I should pull away but I don't. His thumb traces the back of my hand. We watch the whole film like this until the end credits play. "Man, ten pm. I better make a move. What did you think of the movie?"
"I guess it wasn't all that bad," I smile.
"Hmm, I hope by the last one you'll improve your opinion. Are you tired?"
"Nope, when you leave I'll head for my late-night run."
"Run? At this time of night?" he seems shocked.
"Yeah, it's my daily routine."
"Well, can I come?" I get up off the sofa and I pull my hand away from his.
"I guess," I head to my bedroom. "I'm just getting changed." I quickly dress hating there isn't a lock on the door although Nathan is pretty good at boundaries. When I return to the living room the TV is off and the lights are back on. I scan the room and he seems ready to go. I focus on his clothes. Well, jeans and a hoodie not the best running clothes but hey ho.
I grab the keys and open the door. I lock the door behind me and Tyler stands outside my door. Oh crap, I didn't check the camera. "What you doing?" he asks.
"Umm, Nathan and I are going running." I shrug.
"At this time of night?"
"Yeah, I always go this time or sometimes later."
"There are psycho's out at this time of night, it's not safe."
"I'm pretty psychotic myself. Bye Bro," I jog to the elevator and Nathan gets shoved into my door by Tyler. "Ty leave him alone!" I say as I spin.
"What were you doing in there?" he growls up in Nathan's face.
"Just watched a movie. Calm down, we're trying the whole friend's thing," I roll my eyes.
"Well, you better keep it that way, okay? If you hurt her I'll kill you." Nathan doesn't seem bothered, thank god.
"Sure, mate." Tyler releases him and Nathan walks towards me. I press the call button as I watch them both. So, he likes to protect me from the wrong people? Nathan is harmless. The doors ping open and we walk in.
I look up at Nathan as we ride down, "Sorry about that," I don't see why Tyler reacted that way. He always said he wanted me to be with Nathan, he was nice he said.
"Don't worry about it, I can handle your brother." I giggle and he smirks at me. I break into a run when the doors open. I shiver when we hit the chilly air. I pull my hood up and run my usual route. I'm glad that Nathan can keep up but he struggles slightly probably because he's more of a weights guy than a cardio guy. He'd rather pump the weights but he doesn't complain.
We run for my usual hour non-stop and we head back to my apartment, "Man, you're a machine, Riley. I'm going to need to sleep for a week."
"Pussy," I giggle.
"Text me when we can do this again. I enjoyed tonight," I hug him before I dash into the elevator leaving him in the lobby. I smile looking into the mirror in the elevator. I walk to my door and open it. When I step foot through the door a chill runs through me and my mood shifts again into a downward cycle. The stupid tears return, I hate this. I feel normal around humans and then the minute I'm alone it all goes to shit.
I shower quickly and lay in bed with Flynn's pillow. His pillow still holds his scent but the damn hoodie I wear holds nothing. Only that it belongs to Flynn. He doesn't want me, he wants that stupid redhead. "Remember," he said. His voice echos in my head loud and clear like he's talking to me here and now.
"Flynn," I whimper as the tears flow. I cry myself to sleep and I wake the next morning and follow the same routine. At midday, I call my Dad.
"Hey, princess. Everything okay?"
"Yeah, I need a favour."
"Sure, honey, what do you need?"
"I need you to find someone for me."
"Who?"
"Miley Archer," I whisper.
"Who is she?"
"Flynn's sister, please Dad, no questions. No telling bloody Tyler or Flynn. Not yet," I hate that he runs to Tyler with everything. I hear him sigh on the phone.
"Okay, Lee. I'll call you if I find her." I thank him and hang up.
More days pass with a blur. More drawings fill the blank pages of the sketchpad. Today it's about my loneliness. I draw myself in the middle of the page huddled on the floor in a ball. Darkness surrounds me. The humans are on the outside of the darkness with smiles on their faces. I draw Flynn in the crowd and Tyler. They hide lurching in the crowd.
I finish my day with my nightly run. I shower when I get back and lay in bed with shorts and Flynn's hoodie. The tears wet Flynn's pillow as I cry for hours in the darkness. Nighttime has turned into the worst time of day again. The memories flood my mind, his voice swarms my head. I hear a bang in the distance like a door slamming but I locked the door. So it must be some noisy shit in the hallway.
My tears continue to flow as I curl up around Flynn's pillow. The bedroom door opens and I freeze. Who the fuck is in my apartment? What do I do? "Shit," the voice mumbles. I could identify that voice anywhere. Why is he here? "Fuck," he slurs. Has he been drinking?
It sounds like he's removing his clothes and then he flops onto my bed. "Flynn, what are you doing?" I turn over to face him.
"Ri? Why are you in my bed?" he groans and rolls on his side and pulls me towards him. Holding me tight to his body.
"You are in my bed, Flynn. This is my apartment, how did you get in? I locked the door." Did I not put the chain on the door?
"Shh, I'm sleepy. You smell so good," I try wriggle out of his hold but it's no use. "No, don't go. I've missed you. Just stay, leave tomorrow."
"Flynn, don't do this," I beg. He clumsily slaps my face until he finds his destination which is my cheek.
"Are you crying baby?" Don't cry my angel," he's so cute when he's drunk. He must have really gone all out to be in this state.
"I always cry, you left me," I whisper.
"Fuck," he groans. "I'm sorry baby."
"No, you're not. You don't love me, you shouldn't be sorry because of that."
"Riyer," he slurs. Bless him, I can't be mad at him. "I'm so tired but look what you did," he pats my body until he finds my hand. He brings it to his crotch pressing on his erection.
"What do you want from me Flynn?"
"Shhh, don't think so hard. You can go back to avoiding me tomorrow. I need you," he kisses me and the tears dry up. I can taste the alcohol on his tongue, tastes sweet like jager bombs. No wonder he's so far gone. "Please," he begs.
If he says he needs me I'll be here for him. I slide his boxers down freeing his erection. I wrap my hand around his warm cock. I feel his veins as I move my hand up and down. "Yes, baby," he hisses. I'm instantly wet between my legs, tingling for his touch.
His hand explores under the cover until he reaches between my legs. He slides his fingers underneath my shorts and panties. I gasp as his fingers push inside me. I continue the rhythm of my hand as he pumps his fingers inside me. He muffles my noises with his lips, his piercing that I oh so love swirls around and around, tenderly touching my tongue. He's not so skilled today more of an uncontrolled clumsy rhythm but I don't care.
He's here with me, he needed me. Well, he's probably playing me but as long as he will give me him I don't care. I should care but I don't, having the real Flynn here is by far better than anything I've been doing to soothe the pain. "Mine," he whispers. His fingers slow like he's on the verge on sleep.
"I will always be yours, Flynn, whether you want me or not," I reassure him and he flexes in my hand.
"What you do to me," he says barely audible.
"Come for me," I urge like he does to me. Or did, whatever.
"Fuck, Ri. You turn me on so bad. Gladly," he chuckles to himself and he let's go and I remove my hand. He continues to laugh, his drunken laughter is so cute. His fingers hardly move now causing little to no friction.
"Flynn," I whine.
"Oh, sorryyy bossy." He pushes me on my back and picks up the rhythm. His nose nuzzles my neck and he takes a deep breath. "My favourite smell," my legs start to stiffen. "Come then, my gorgeous girl." My body responds and pulses around his fingers, I call out from the pleasure he's giving me. "You never disappoint, now shh greedy. I'm sleepy."
I turn my back on him and he pulls me to his body. His fingers stay inside me and he instantly starts snoring. I feel a bit uncomfortable like this but I roll with it. I should want to stay awake and study every inch of his face again but I want to sleep. I never sleep for long so I'll need to make the most of it. It doesn't take long for sleep to find me.
When I wake Flynn is still passed out next to me. I get out of bed and head out of the bedroom. He's going to wake up with regrets and I don't want to be in bed with him when he realises. I make a coffee even though I'm not supposed to. I sit on the counter and sip my coffee.
The bedroom door opens ten minutes or so later and Flynn emerges fully dressed, "What the hell happened?" he groans rubbing his eyes.
"You broke into my apartment last night, that's what happened."
"Fuck, Ri?" he seems surprised as he comes towards me and I hold my breath. He grabs my coffee as he slips between my legs and gulps it down.
"Hey, that was mine," I sulk.
"Not so loud, it's too early for that," he places the coffee on the side and looks me up and down. "So, you're the thief huh?"
I pull the hood to hide my face, "I don't know what you're talking about," he pushes the hood back down.
"How are you?"
"Don't," I snap and push him away from me. I leave him standing in the kitchen whilst I slam my bedroom door. I starting changing into my workout clothes.
"Ri, don't be like th--" I spin as he rakes my body, "Shit," I stand in my sports bra and panties. "Don't stop on my account," he sits down on the bed enjoying the show. He swallows hard and waves his hand gesturing for me to continue.
"Can you just leave? Do you know how much I hurt? How when I'm alone the tears don't stop, I prefer my nightmares over the living. To have you here and not touch you is worse. You're acting like nothing's happened between us but I know it has. I can't breathe Flynn. I don't know how to be me without you. I'm really fucking trying! I can't fucking touch the alcohol because your voice echos in my head!" I shrug on my yoga pants and then the top. I pick up his hoodie and he looks at me questioningly. "Umm, can you wear this and then return it? Please."
He takes the hoodie and shrugs it on answering my pleas, "Ri, please. I know I hurt you but I want you to heal. I need that for you, go back to Duke. Attend your classes, see your brother, he misses you."
I shake my head, "Humans," I cringe. "Too many odd humans." I place a running jacket on and leave my bedroom. Flynn is close on my tail. I notice him scanning the room. I make my way to my pills and take them. I turn to see Flynn looking at my drawings. "Don't," I cross the room in double time.
"I didn't know you draw, this is fucking amazing."
"It's personal," I try to take the pad back but he doesn't let me have it.
"They're so sad, so distant. Why aren't you in the family drawing?" he keeps flicking through. "Ri. . ." he says looking up at me.
He lets me take the pad back and I hug it to my chest, "I'm sad, my drawing reflects how I feel. I don't belong in the family drawing," he picks up my diary and I'm not quick enough to snatch it back, "Flynn, don't. I don't want you in my fucked up head."
"Ri, I know you better than yourself. Please," he looks at me waiting for permission. I toss the sketchpad on the table and angrily grab my sneakers and sit on the sofa. I don't look at him whilst he reads my diary.
He joins me on the sofa with my diary in hand. I slide on the sneakers and tie the knots. "Interesting," he says like he's engrossed in a good book. I slump back on the sofa. It crosses all lines reading my diary. There are many secrets in there. Why am I giving him everything even now? Why am I treating him like he's my world and he has my trust? He used me, I should definitely have mug tattooed on my forehead.
After he's finished he places the diary on the coffee table, "Have you finished now? I need to go for my run."
"Yes, but I have questions." I cross my arms, "I affected you at the very beginning?"
I roll my eyes, "Yes, you just read it didn't you? I hated the way you made me feel."
"And now?"
"I still feel but this is worse. I really feel Flynn, the pain is too much. You've changed me, I can't seem to switch off. I sleep for two hours a night to get some relief but the nightmares wake me. I run when I'm awake, I draw all day long, I run at 10 or 11 pm and then I continue to cry until I can sleep. I crave human interaction and it's strange. I only wanted that from you and now I can't get it, I needed Ty to hold me until I slept. I'm trying the whole friend's thing with Nathan."
"Nathan? Are you kidding me? Friends? Friends with benefits?" his relaxed posture turns into defensive and angry. I instinctively grab his hand, his knuckles are scrapped to shit like he's got in a few fights in our separation.
"Friend, that's it. I don't know why you're mad, you're the one who doesn't want me. He's nice to me, what do you want from me? Become Celibate? You know I only want you sexually, you've ruined others for me. I was happy being oblivious with others until you showed me how good it can feel."
"And what if I do?" he asks curiously.
"Do what?"
"Want you to become celibate."
"Oh, so you can fuck your pretty little redhead? But you want me to refrain from sexual activities with other guys? Are you serious?" he shrugs. "It was all a lie Flynn, you said so. Why would you care?"
He stands up and sighs, "I guess you would believe the negatives. Why couldn't you just remember? Have faith. . ." his face is glum like he's lost any hope.
"I remember every word you said to me! I was starting to have faith and then you destroyed it quicker than it came! It doesn't make sense for you to love me. I don't know why I ever believed it in the first place. I really am an idiot." I sigh trying to rein in my temper.
"You aren't an idiot, Ri. You obviously don't remember correctly," he urges. What is he saying? "You'll find someone that's worthy of your love one day," he heads for the door.
"I will never love anyone again. I love you, Flynn." I don't care if I sound crazy. I won't fight for him because what's the use? If he wanted me he would have me. He looks at me and his lip curls up before he screws his face up. He removes my newly acquired hoodie and places it on the table before he leaves.
I want to run after him but I can't move. My apartment smells like him, I wonder how long that will last? I don't go for my run this morning, I don't want to lose his scent. I scramble to feet and shrug on his hoodie bewildered in his strong scent. The tears don't come straight away which is a first. I smile as I remember last night and this morning. It won't happen again but I profess that I wish he comes in drunk tonight but I know he won't. I should have enjoyed it more whilst I could.