Saving Her Lost Soul

Chapter 33

I don't know how much time passes as I lay in a ball on his bed when the bedroom door opens. I don't move just continue to lay silently. Flynn's head rests in front of mine and we stare into each other's eyes. "They think you are hiding in the bathroom. I had a feeling you might be in here," he strokes my cheek and I shut my eyes.
I don't answer him. I like being in his room for as long as he will let me in here. He rests his forehead on mine and all I can hear is our breathing. Mines picked up slightly since he entered the room. "Are you ready to come out yet? I think Tyler needs a piss. He's moaning."
"I wish things could be different you know? I wish I could be normal, I don't like feeling like this. They say time fixes things but I know first hand it doesn't. Part of me wishes he was still alive."
"What, why? Are you insane?"
"Maybe, atleast he wouldn't have broken me. Well, his death fucked me up more than anything. At least I'd have someone. He may not have wanted me specifically but I would have been his. I would have someone in that room."
"Ri, he did nothing but harm. There is no way he'd be alive in that room with me in it. I don't care what scene I'd cause."
"You wouldn't have known about him. You wouldn't know me like you do. I wouldn't have let you close because I would be with him."
"I don't believe that. I still think we would have found our way to each other. I think you would have trusted me enough to tell me. I think if you were still with him you would be in even worse shape. If he hadn't accidently killed you already."
"I don't know," I sigh. I'd trust Flynn with my life now but would I have let him in when I had James? I thought I loved James, maybe I did but it's nothing how I feel about Flynn. Would I have betrayed James the way he did me?
Flynn kisses my nose and gets up, "You'll need to come out soon, Ri. Tyler will kick the door down. I'll come drag you out myself if you don't come out in two minutes." He leaves the room and I sit up. I take in his room before I have to leave the security of it. I eye up his dirty clothes on the floor. I get up and go to the built in wardrobe.
I grab a small bag out of it and gather up a couple of shirts and a hoodie placing them in the bag. I walk back into the bathroom and walk out the bathroom door. Tyler jumps up and hurries for the bathroom. "Finally, Lee," he says as he passes me. I place my bag by the front door and I feel his eyes on me. I turn to face him and he's looking from my face to the bag wondering what I've stolen this time. A grin slides across his face and I match his.
"Honey, it's nearly ready. Can you set the table up for me?" I nod and grab the table cloth. "Flynn be a dear and help her would you? She's not safe with the cutlery." I ignore that comment. I throw the table cloth out over the table and let it slowly fall. I move it into place as Flynn comes over with the cutlery. "Don't forget the placemats Lee."
Yeah yeah, I roll my eyes. What is the actually point to them anyway? I collect them from the counter where Mom left them and I join Flynn at the table. I brush my hip up against him and he stills. I bend over the table in front of him as he sets the knife, fork and spoon out. I look up at him through my eyelashes and he swallows carrying onto the next place.
I repeat the process with different touches not just brushing myself up against him. All accidental touches if you were watching. Once he's finished he walks briskly to his bedroom. My phone vibrates and I look at it.
FLYNN- Bathroom, right fucking now!
I bite my lip and look around the room. Tyler is on the sofa distracted with his girlfriend. The readhead talking to my Dad and Mom busy in the kitchen. I walk to the bathroom and lock the door. Flynn's door opens and he ignores me and locks Tyler's bedroom door. He turns to face me with anger.
He slams me against the wall and I gasp, "Don't fucking tease me Ri. I thought I already warned you about that. The clothes you're wearing are already driving me insane!" his lips crush mine and he reaches for the button of my shorts. He pops them open and pushes them down with my panties. Once I'm rid of my shorts and panties he undoes his jeans and frees his erection. He lifts me up so my legs are around his waist and he slams into me before I've even taken a breath.
"Quick, Ri." he says as he thrusts hard in and out of me. "You provoke me more than I thought possible. I have no control around you and it's infuriating." I rest my face in his neck whilst he continues his pounding relentless grinds. "I meant it when I said it was the last time and you pull a stunt like this." Is this the key to my hapiness? Provoking him and he will fuck me hard and fast in the bathroom? I grin into his neck. I tilt my hips to match his every move. His breathing is harsh against my ear and it only turns me on more.
"Honey, are you okay? I'm just serving dinner." Mom calls through the door.
"Yeah, I'll be out in a sec, time of the month," I lie. I had to come up with something so she wouldn't be so suspicious.
"Okay, honey. Do you need a tampon or something?" I'm glad my face is buried in his neck so he can't see my flushed face.
"No, I'm good. I'll be out in a sec." I try to keep my voice even but I'm not sure I suceeded. I hear her retreating.
"Hurry up, Ri! Tyler will be looking for me." He growls into my ear. A few more thrusts and we both climax together. It takes me a few moments to recover and Flynn is the same although he's holding me up and he's pushing more weight against me as my back is crushed against the wall. Our breathing slowly returns to normal. "Fuck sake," he mumbles. "Please, Ri, I beg you don't do this again." I smile at him as he pulls away from me and he raises his eyebrow at me.
He retreives his boxers and jeans and does them back up. He retreats out of the bathroom into his room and I pull my panties and shorts up my legs. I take a deepbreath and leave the bathroom. "Oh honey, we left you a seat next to Tyler and Flynn." I eye the empty chair and glance at the front door. I could escape now, I still have time. "Oh, sorry Lee, I forgot. Do you want to take your food next door. I forgot about the extra guests."
"I. . . I can eat here. I've eaten in front of Nathan, I'm sure I can with Barbie and Ariel." Flynn laughs but Ariel hits his arm.
"Umm, Riley my name is Regan." She says timidly. "And that is Britney."
"Oh, I know." I mumble.
"Lee, be nice please. Now sit down." I do as she says and place my hand on Flynn's shoulder so I can sit down without falling over. "Tuck in everyone make sure you leave room for dessert." I look at the mac n cheese in front of me. I pick up the fork and shove a load in my mouth and it burns my tongue. I spit it back out, "Lee some table manners please."
"It's hot," I get up and run to the sink and turn the tap on and drink out the tap. I hear Flynn laughing at me.
"Lee, get a glass for godness sake. I swear I brought her up with better manners than that." Mother apologises on my behalf. I glance at the table and Barbie and Ariel are gawking at me. I turn the tap off and I route around in the fridge. Bingo a cider, I look at it and it has a low alcohol content. That will go down nicely. I find a bottle opener and the cap pings off onto the floor somewhere.
I sit back down and place my drink on the table, "Aww, you got me a drink Ri. You shouldn't have." Flynn takes my bottle and places it on his side out of my reach and my mouth falls open. I should have been on the ball with that one.
I stir my food so it's not so hot. I wait until it's cooled slightly before I eat it. "So, Britney how did you meet my son?" Mom asks.
"Omg, so funny story." Here we go her voice is so annoying. "I was at a party, well one of Tyler's parties at his frat house. My friend had a date with Tyler but she was like he's a real bore. Let's bail and I was like sure but I'll tell him we were leaving and bam love at first sight." She claps her hands and I put my head in my hands in frustration. How is that even funny anyway?
"That's lovely dear and you Regan?"
"Well, I guess I noticed Flynn from afar at first. His looks attracted me but I thought I could tame that bad boy. I think I'm doing pretty well so far, right babe?" I rub my temples to control myself.
"So, how's Nathan, is it, Lee?"
"He's fine, I need to call him actually. I left him alone yesterday and we need to watch the next film."
"Why did you leave him alone? I hope he's looking after you sweetheart."
"I er," I shrug looking up at her, "I had a meltdown, I guess that's the word for it. It was going well I guess, I went to classes. I went for a meal with him, went bowling with everyone. Then yeah. . ."
"A meltdown? What happened?"
"We were in a club, then this guy wanted to dance and I said no and well he didn't give me and chance to decline." I look at Flynn and screw my face up. He places his hand on my leg and I relax a little bit.
"Who was this fucker? Do I need to get the authorities involved? Where were you Tyler?" Dad growls.
"We were there, I didn't see him until I saw Flynn deck him. Security threw him out they caught it all on camera." Tyler shrugs. I start shoving the food in my mouth now its an adequate temperature.
"Yet again you saved my daughter, thanks son." My Dad smiles at him.
"Well, you should invite Nathan next time honey." Mom says and Flynn's hand grips tighter to my leg.
"Why? He's not my boyfriend. He never will be, I'm sorry to disappoint you Mother but I will never have a boyfriend."
"I meant nothing by it sweetie. Please, relax." I sigh and continue scoffing my food.
"Tyler, shall I let Susie know I'm staying here tonight?" She leans closer to Tyler and whispers in his ear.
"Hell yes." He grins his approval and I groan. Fuck my life. We all talk around the dinner table until Mom stands up and walks to the kitchen. I get up too and start collecting everyone's plates. I try lifting all 7 plates at ones but a groan escapes my lips.
"Ri, you'll damage your wrist." He moves me out the way and takes the plates to the sink. Stupid bloody cast, it must be time to be removed soon surely? Mom returns with Flynn holding a selection of desserts. I move to the sofa and sit down feeling useless with my cast.
"You don't want dessert Lee?" I shake my head and stare at the wall. "You always liked dessert. I bought strawberries for you." My head flashes to the table and I jump up and return to the table. "Okay, Britney Apple pie, cheesecake or sticky toffee pudding?"
"Ooo! Erm Apple pie please Abs." She's too fucking squealy, I hold my ears again and sigh. Why does Tyler like her so much?
"Sure, honey." Mom cuts her a slice and passes it to her. "Help yourself to custard or cream." She looks at Tyler.
"Sticky toffee pudding Mom. My favourite," Tyler says without Mom asking him. She always gets him that and then he dollops on custard. Mom gives him a serving and then he grabs the custard jug.
"Flynn?" Oh that's it miss me out then.
"I was hoping Riley would share her strawberries." Tyler bursts out laughing and I scowl at them both in turn.
"We told you before she doesn't share," Tyler chuckles to himself.
"Lee?" Mom asks unsure of my answer.
"Fine, he takes everything else from me." I sigh, not that it's necessarily a bad thing but I'm pretty sure it came out like a bad thing. Mom starts scooping strawberries in a bowl for him. I feel his eyes on me but I don't look up. He's lucky I'm sharing with him. I wouldn't normally share with anyone. Mom hands him the bowl.
"Regan?"
"I'll just share with Flynn, thanks though." Sharing my fucking strawberries? Is not having my soulmate not enough for you that you want my strawberries too? Fucking shitting bloody bitch.
"Dear?"
"Bit of all of them please Abbie." She smiles and starts piling them in the bowl. Mom passes him the bowl and scoops the rest of the strawberries in a bowl for me. She hands me the bowl and she gets herself some cheesecake. I use my fingers to cram the strawberries in my mouth. I was annoyed at the time but I miss when Flynn squashed them in my mouth. I giggle and people stare at me.
"What are you laughing at, Sis?"
"Nothing, Ty." I say with my moutful and keep giggling. I chew the strawberries slowly unlady like.
Once we've finished Dessert I make my way to the sink and start filling the washing up bowl with water. "Honey, you can't wash up. You're cast. I'll do it in a sec." Mom calls from her chair.
"No, you cooked I clean." I pull open the cupboards under the sink with a bit too much force. "You must have bought some marigolds, I know you." I hunt around until I find some. Typical they would be pink. I slam the cupboards and turn the taps off. I hate this stupid cast, I try pulling it off but it won't budge. I'll have to try later, I'm done with it. I slide the gloves on and start washing up.
"Let me help you Riley," Ariel offers without moving.
"No, you are a guest." I scrub the plates angrily, I don't want her within a close proximity. "I'll do it." I say sternly.
"Honey, let me dry up at least," Mom offers again.
"No!" I scowl at them all on the table. I have no idea why I'm so annoyed but I am. They are testing my patience today. I think I've done well to be honest. I drop a plate on the draining board by accident but all it does is make lots of noise. I jump slightly when Flynn comes up behind me with a towel to dry up.
"Don't start with me, Ri," I giggle at his tone. I look up at him and he raises his eyebrow at me slightly confused.
"Would I? I'm offended that you would think so," I grin at him and he matches my grin. He starts drying up.
"You are testing in more ways than one." I laugh and remember the bathroom episode. I bite my lip whilst his eyes burn me. We get into our own little system, I pass him the washed up item and he dries it straight away.
I pass him the next plate and I end up splashing him with water and the soap. He steps back instinctively. "Shit, sorry. It was an accident." He looks at me with irritation and he uses his towel to slap my backside and I squeal.
"You will be sorry," he says sternly but I know he meant it playfully. He's just keeping up appearances. Appearances? I zone out of my surroundings again but continue our little system. I remember the last night at my parents.
"You're burning me, Flynn," I had said.
"Good. . . I love you. Don't ever forget that. You mean everything to me. Whatever happens just remember that you are my world. No one will ever compare to you." He insisted urging me to listen to him. "Yes baby, you are. Remember," he pleaded. That felt so real, so raw as he fucked me. I step back and I gasp. Something slips through my hand but I don't move. I hear something shatter but I still don't move.
I remember the day he ended things, "It's not Tyler it's me. I just don't want this anymore. The accident made me realise what I truly want and that's Regan," he said feebly.
"I don't believe you. Everything you said. . ." I didn't believe him then so why do I believe him now? I was so quick to assume he didn't want me, it didn't make sense for him to love me. Him getting jealous, him hugging me, kissing me, his drunken mistake, the sex twice today. If he didn't want me he wouldn't keep coming back to me.
Flynn's hands cup my face and distracts me from my memories, "Ri, what's wrong?" he demands. I shake my head and push him away. "Riley!" He calls as I walk towards the door.
"Honey, where are you going?" Mom calls.
"I'm not feeling well," I say sheepishly. "I'm going home," I grab my bag, well Flynn's bag and I leave the room. I quickly unlock my door and close it. I put the chain across so no one can come in. I pull my cardigan off as well as the marigolds and start pulling at my cast. It's suffocating me, it's too tight. My tears flow as the mental and physical pain collide with each other.
He loves me but for some reason he's forcing us to be apart. I remember and believe what he said before the break up. Why is he doing this? He's hurting us both for what possible reason? I continue to tug and pull at cast as my anxiety escalates. I block out my surroundings again. He loves me. Why would he taunt Ariel in front of me then? Nothing makes sense anymore, a scream escapes my lips as my cast painfully slides down my arm.
That's so much better, it hurts but I feel relief to have pulled it off. I go to the bathroom and run a bath at least now I can enjoy a bath without the stupid cast. I strip and get into the bath and fully submerge in the water. I let my head fall back and sink my head in the water. The water is starting to burn but I don't care. I notice the water lapping over the edge of the bath overfilling but I don't care. I'm starting to lose air in my lungs but I don't care.
It feels like agonising hours underwater holding my breath but I know it must be seconds maybe minutes. I close my eyes and try to relax. "Fuck," I hear a distorted voice under the water. I notice the taps turning off and hands grabbing my body. "Christ, it's scolding." I'm lifted from the water and my body feels lifeless and I must feel like dead weight.
"Is she okay?" I hear my Mother panicking. A towel is placed around me and I'm lowered onto the floor.
"She's still breathing. Ri!" Flynn shakes me but I don't respond. "Riley, wake up." He slaps my face gently and I push him away from me. "What the hell were you doing!"
"I was having a bath," I whisper.
"So what? You left because you wanted a bath? Did you pass out or something? You said you weren't feeling well?" I open my eyes to look at him but all I see is loads of worried faces.
"Can you all leave please?" I pull the towel tighter around me. I get up and walk out of my bathroom. "You broke my door!"
"Well, yeah. I heard you scream, why were you screaming Ri! I'll fix your damn door but I'm glad I did break it down."
"It hurt," I shrug and walk into my bedroom.
"What hurt?" he demands following my every move.
"Removing my cast." He snatches my wrist and examines it.
"You removed it yourself? Why?" he growls.
"It was suffocating me!" I yell. "I can't do shit with it. I couldn't breathe," Flynn sighs and lets my hand fall.
Flynn looks at my parents and Tyler in the doorway. "What shall I do?" he asks at a loss. They won't have any answers.
"I think we should get her to hospital and they can assess her for injuries. She could have burned herself in the water and she could have damaged her wrist again. They may admit her in Psychiatric for her outburst."
"No!" I yell. "No, No, No, No!" I make it clear I'm not going. "I want you all to leave!" I start shoving Flynn towards the door and he makes no effort to resist me. I push them all out and slam the door in their faces. "No!" I yell again. I hear them all talking outside my door but I don't bother trying to hear what they are saying.
I leave my bedroom to retrieve my bag. They all stare at me when I enter the room. "She obviously still listens to you," my Mom whispers thinking I can't hear her. I grab the bag and bring it with me to my bedroom. I slam the door again and they start talking freely again. I dry my body and slide Flynn's top over my head. I put fresh underwear on. I am aware of my stomach cramping and I groan.
Bloody time of the month. I enter the bathroom and start opening and slamming doors looking for the damn tampons that she made me get. I find them at the back of the cupboard and quickly insert the damn thing. I walk back into the living room to find some painkillers. I start opening and slaming doors again in the kitchen. "Honey, can I help you find something?"
"Yes, I need painkillers." I say before slamming the next cupboard. I route through the draws but come up empty.
"I didn't buy any honey, I have some in my bag next door though. What do you need them for exactly?" She says softly.
"My stomach cramps. It hurts," She nods and leaves my apartment.
"Should have guessed it was her lady problems. She's always moody when she's on her period." I scowl at Tyler and he tries to smile but it doesn't quite reach his lips.
Mom enters the apartment moments later and she rips two out the packet, "Here honey, I'll get you a hot water bottle too. I know you like one when your cramps come." I nod and swallow the pills. "Who's top is that?"
"Flynn's," I mumble and I walk back to my room. I climb into bed and bring the covers up to my chin. I curl up into a ball. More talking and more raised voices in the next room. Mom enters the bedroom minutes later with a winnie the pooh hot water bottle. She passes it to me and I pull it under the covers to my belly. Mom strokes my forehead to try soothe me.
"Honey, what you did was not okay." She says gently, "We can't leave you here alone if you're going to do that."
"I'm sorry Mommy. I didn't really know what I was doing."
"Would you have got out when you ran out of air?" I shrug. I don't know, probably. "I wish you would talk to someone. I really do, I'm scared to leave you."
"No, I don't want that. People wouldn't understand."
"Bottling things up and not telling people things isn't going to help you. You won't get better like that."
"I tell people how I feel," I shrug.
"Who?" she says not believing me.
"Flynn. He knows me, he knows me better than myself. He reads my diary, he looks at my drawings, I tell him." I assert.
"You let Flynn read your diary even now? You draw again?"
"Flynn loves me, I love him. Why wouldn't I let him see it? I'd let him do anything if he asked." She frowns at me.
"Honey, Flynn broke up with you. He loves Regan," she presses gently.
"No!" I yell. "I'm telling you, he does! I know, okay, I remember!" I stress. She holds her arms up in defence.
"Okay, honey. Calm down. Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" I shake my head. I want them all to leave.
"No, go home. I'll be fine." I turn away from her and she sighs.
"Okay, I'll get your brother to check in on you. Call if you need something," I don't answer her. I shut my eyes and try make sense of my feelings, my thoughts and my behaviour. I'm out of control. I feel like I'm on alcohol again and my irrational mood swings. What am I doing?