Saving Her Lost Soul

Chapter 36

She leaves the room but the kid stays watching the walls. That's what I've been doing the last few weeks just not so close. I wonder how much like Flynn she will be if at all. Her curiosity gets the better of her as she peers over her shoulder. "Hey, I'm Riley."
She smiles at me, "Sounds like my name." I laugh, I've only just noticed.
"So it does." I give her a warming smile. "Is it comfy down there?" I ask. I'm always doing wierd shit like that.
"I guess," she responds without emotion but she keeps watching me.
"So shall I join you down there or do you want to sit with me?" She frowns confused.
"Why would you want to sit down here with me? No one has asked me that before." I guess I'm just not that good with kids but I can relate to her in some ways. I like to be given the option, options are good. I have no qualms about sitting on the floor.
"I came all this way to see you. I'd like to get to know you, if that's okay with you. I like watching the wall too," I smile again and she does too.
"I guess you can sit with me," I get up and sit crossed legged next to her. The closer I get the more I realise she doesn't seem big enough to be. . . eight was it?
"How old are you?" I ask trying to get my facts right. She still has a cute baby face, I examine her eyes. They aren't black like Flynn's they're a more of a deep blue. She has many features of Flynn the nose, the lips. Her eyes don't shine as I'd expect from a little child. She seems skinnier than I expected.
"Eight, how old are you?" She asks curiously. I smile at her curiosity although I'm pained that she's small for her age.
"Nineteen." I confirm and she smiles. Does that make her happy? I wonder why she's happy about my age?
"And you are my brother's girlfriend?" I was but that's just a cover story to be here. Should I lie to the girl?
"Yes," he may not be my boyfriend but we still belong together.
She nods, "Do you think he will visit me one day?"
I nod, "Sure honey, he told me you were his favourite person in the whole world. He misses you so much," that's not a lie as such. I'm sure he'd like to see her now I've found her. She frowns but nods again.
"Do you have a picture of him? I can't remember what he looks like." I nod and get my phone out, I flick through my phone have I taken any pictures of him? Oh yes the picture this morning. I pass her my phone. "Which one is he?" Does she not recognise him at all?
"The one on the right, sweetheart, the one with black hair." She nods again and continues to look at the phone.
"Who's the other person?"
"My brother, they are best friends." She nods again. Looking at the photo still, she swipes the phone to the next picture and it's a picture of me and Flynn acting goofy, I forgot we took that. A faint smile edges across her face.
"I'm going to forget what you both look like," she frowns. Flicking through more of my photos, I hope I haven't got anything inapproriate on there.
"Do you want me to see if reception can print you a picture of your brother?" I'm sure they could do that. She flicks back to the picture of Flynn and me.
"Both of you, this one," I smile and nod at her. She smiles in return.
"Sure sweetheart, I'll do it when I leave," I reassure her and she continues to stare at the picture. I continue to stare at her perfect face, so much of Flynn. So much of her uniqueness.
"Can you take a picture of us together? I want to remember this day, the day an angel came into my life and saved me." I frown, saved her? What does she need saving from? Is that what she needs from me? To save her? She passes me the phone hopeful and I nod. She eagarly climbs on my lap.
I hold the camera out in front of us and we both smile into the phone. I take the photo and she wraps her arms around my neck and places her cheek against mine. I freeze for a moment but my instincts kick in and I smile taking the photo. She climbs off my lap again and she asks for my phone again and I happily give it to her. "Will you come back?"
"Do you want me to?" I ask hopeful.
"Yes," she nods.
"Then I'll come back," I promise. The door opens and the same woman walks in. Miley frowns and faces the wall again.
"Is everything okay in here?" she asks.
"Yeah," I say. "Is there a time limit or?" Is my time up? Miley grabs my hand quickly and the woman takes note of her holding my hand.
"You can leave as and when you'd like but visiting hours close at six. I'm sure Miley will tell you when she wants you to leave. She can show you around if she stops sulking like a child." I frown, is she sulking though? I see myself in her, I see the pain in her eyes. This is a barrier from the outside world. She's holding tightly to my hand to keep me in her bubble but keeping them out.
"Thank you," I say politely and she nods and shuts the door. As soon as the door is shut she looks back at me. "Did you want to show me around or stay here?" There's something about her that keeps me sane. She has the same power as Flynn. I like being in their bubbles and I think she feels the same.
She thinks it over for a while, "I can show you around if you want," she stands up but keeps hold of my hand. I stand up and grab my bag, "What's in the bag?" she asks curiously.
"I bought you a gift, if you don't want it it's fine." I don't want to force it onto her, I thought she'd like it as I love my teddy from Tyler. She frowns thinking it over and then a smile creeps on her face.
"You bought me a gift? I haven't had a present in so long." A tear escapes my eye again. How could no one love this kid? Why has she not got a permenant home yet? I nod, I put my head phones in my shoulder bag and then pass her the paper bag. She lets my hand go. She smiles showing her brilliant white teeth. Everything about her seems wrong, her baby looking teeth, her petite body, her dull eyes, greasy hair. She pulls the stuffed horse out the bag and the smile fades.
Oh crap, she doesn't like it. Well, that's okay I can bin it later. She drops the bag, I kneel to take it back from her but she unexpectedly jumps into my arms wrapping her arms around my neck almost strangling me with her enthusiasm. I wrap my arms around her. "I love it, how did you know?"
"When I found you it was on your notes. When I saw it in the shops I thought of you." She releases me and hugs the toy.
"Thank you, Angel." I guess she's going to call me that from now on even though she knows my name.
"You're welcome sweetheart, do you want to show me where you live?" She nods and holds my hand as she hugs the toy with her other arm. The clothes on her back are baggy and worn. She pulls me out of the room and we walk down the dingy hallway. It gives me the creeps walking down here.
She walks outside where other kids are. "This is where the kids play," she says. Where the kids play? Not where we play? Her little hand is cold, she's not wearing a coat. I slip mine off and kneel in front of her and pull it around her. Of course it floods her but I tie it around the middle so she doesn't trip over. I roll her sleeves up as she doesn't look so silly.
"It's the freak," a boy points at Miley and I frown. She doesn't seem to notice or at least doesn't react. The freak?
"Don't worry, Angel. I'm used to it, I am the freak." I shake my head.
"Don't say that, you aren't a freak. Kids can be cruel sometimes especially when they don't understand us." I reassure her.
"Understand us?" She asks curiously again.
"Different, pain. Not physical but pain in here," I point to her heart and her mouth drops open.
"You have the same pain?"
I nod, "Not exact same pain and not the same reasons behind it but yes." I agree and she smiles. She starts walking again pulling me with her. She shows me all the things you can do outside but she always says they not we or I. She takes us back inside and walks down a different hallway. She enters a large hall.
"This is where we eat," at least she said we this time. She continues to pull me out of the eating area and we meet another woman and Miley freezes.
"Hi, you must be Riley." I nod to her and she looks down at Miley and she frowns, "Are you being friendly Miley? You know you actually need to talk to communicate." She looks back up at me, "Not much of a talker this one. Piercing screams though," She shrugs, "Where are you going Miley?" She doesn't answer her.
"She's showing me around. We better getting going, we don't have a lot of time," The woman nods and continues passed us. I look down at Miley and she looks sheepish like she's zoned out. She senses me looking down at her and she smiles and continues to pull me to the next place.
Is she scared of these people or is she like me and doesn't like humans? She enters a library and looks up at me, "I like it in here. It's quiet and the books aren't too bad."
"Do you like to read?" I ask.
She nods, "Yeah, I've read them all though. I like escaping in a book," I used to do that but not at her age. "Do you like reading, Angel?"
"I used to, I used to love living in the book."
"What changed?"
"I had a car accident, I just didn't feel like reading anymore."
"My parents died in a car accident. I was in the back of the car," I shudder at the thought of her in the back of the car when they died, "I don't remember much." She says trying to put my mind at ease.
She pulls me from the library, "What's your favourite book?" I ask.
"The books aren't really grown up enough for me but I liked Matilda. I wish I had her powers." I smile I haven't read the book but I've seen the movie. "I also liked the harry potter books. I'd like to watch the films one day."
"You haven't seen the movies?" I ask shocked.
"No, we don't have TV." Don't have a TV? "There was a TV at the Jacob's but I wasn't allowed to watch it." She frowns like she recalling a memory. She shakes her head and pulls me into and office of some sorts. "This is where I have my therapy sessions. Dr Faye is nice, she's my favourite in here." I smile that she has favourites.
A lady comes out of a room and she looks at Miley and then to me, "Oh Hey, Miley. Am I expecting you today?" Miley shakes her head. "Who's your friend?"
"My Angel," Miley says timidly.
"I'm Riley, I engaged to her brother." I say to the woman, she smiles and holds her hand out. Wouldn't that be nice to say it for real? Is that what I really want? I've never thought about it before. I shake her hand.
"Oh, is he coming to see her too?"
"I'm sure he will at some point." I reassure them both and the woman smiles.
"What are you up to Miley?" She asks but she doesn't reply to her.
"She's very self preserved. I'm surprised she's holding your hand. I haven't had many words from her since I've been given her case." I nod. "I'd happily discuss with you another time if you want," I nod. "Well I'd better get going." She says and waves at Miley who's gone blank again. Once she's out the room Miley pulls me out the room again. She pulls me down the hallway and opens another door.
I look at the room and tears form in my eyes. Her bedroom, it's blank. White walls, no posters or paintings. A grey duvet nothing fancy it looks faded and well used. No personal belongs, she lets go of my hand and runs to put the toy under her bed. "They steal things, I have to hide it." She reassures me.
"Who steals things?" I asks.
"The kids, the staff," She shrugs and I hate to think of any of them in her personal space. "I tell them not to come into my room but they don't listen. I don't like anyone in my room."
"Do you want me to leave?" I know what it's like not wanting people in your room. Except I've kind of accepted people in my room. Well in my apartment anyway.
"No! Stay, please. At least until they make you leave. You make me feel. . . safe." She doesn't even know me but she feels that way. "Can I do your hair? I like playing with my dolls hair. Your hair is so pretty." I nod and she smiles and rushes to find her hair brush. She pats her bed telling me to sit. I do as she wants and she starts brushing my hair.
I shut my eyes letting her play with my hair. I love it when people play with my hair. Once she's brushed it she starts to plait it. I wonder where she learned to plait. She spends twenty minutes or so until she declares she's done. I pat it to feel what she's done. She stands in front of me smiling waiting for my evalutation. "I love it sweetheart. You did a good job," she claps her hands. She twirls her hair in her fingers frowning nervously. "Do you want me to do your hair?"
Her eyes widen, shit, I've scared her. It crossed the line. She holds the brush out to me and I look at it. "My Mom is the only one that's ever done my hair. I always watched the other girls have their hair brushed but I couldn't let them do it."
Shit, "It's okay sweetheart, I just thought you'd like me to do it. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
"I want you to do it. Please," she insists. I take the offered hair brush and she climbs on my lap facing away from me. I start brushing her hair through gently starting at the bottom. It's so knotty, does she brush her own hair? It feels really greasy, when did she last wash her hair?
"Honey, when did you last wash your hair?" I ask gently. It's hard to brush through the knots. She shrugs.
"I don't really know how to wash my hair and I won't let them help me." A tear forms in my eyes at the thought.
"Will you let me show you?" I say softly. She nods and jumps off my lap. She grabs my hand again and leads me down the hall. "Should I ask someone? Do you have set hours to wash?"
"We are supposed to wash after dinner but they don't force me if I don't want to." My heart aches for her.
"Do you know where one of the staff would be so I can ask them? I don't want to get in trouble. I want to be allowed to visit you again."
"Okay," she says and leads me to a side room that says office. I knock on the door and I hear a woman's voice to come in.
I open the door but Miley releases my hand so she doesn't need to go in. The woman looks up from her desk, "Can I help you?"
"Hi, I'm here visiting Miley," She smiles and nods, "I'd like to wash her hair so I can brush it easier. I wanted to ask before I did it, I wouldn't want to get in trouble."
"I don't think that's a good idea. She doesn't like washing, I wouldn't want her to hurt you." Hurt me?
"She gave me permission. I just wanted to check with you."
"She said yes to washing her? That's. . . unbelievable." I turn back to Miley and hold my hands out to her. She lifts her arms accepting my gesture. I pick her up and she clings to me.
"Tell this nice lady that you are happy for me to wash your hair." Fucking nice, I want to punch her face in. She doesn't say anything just nods.
"Umm okay, on your head be it. Try to get her to wash properly. She stinks," I glare at the woman in disgust.
"Honey, wait outside for me please." I set her on her feet and I push her outside. I slam the door and turn to face the woman. "I don't know what sort of place you're running here but insulting her infront of her does not sit well with me. If you do this frequently then quite frankly I'm appalled. People trust you to look after kids?" I growl. Her mouth falls open and then she frantically straightens the documents on her desk.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend. I meant nothing by it." She says embarrased.
"She's a child for fuck sake. She has enough problems going on in her head for you to pick on her. If I hear that you've said anything more to her I'll have your head. Do you you understand?" I glare at her and she crumbles under my gaze.
"Sure, it won't happen again. I'm sorry," she says sheepishly. I nod and leave the room. I slam the door and hold my hand out to Miley and she looks up at me.
"Is everything okay, Angel?" She seems worried.
"Sure, sweetheart. Where's the bathroom?" I smile and she nods pulling me to the bathroom. When we enter the bathroom she starts running the bath placing the plug in. She's so self efficient it hurts. I shut the door but I don't lock it I'm not some wierdo. She starts taking her clothes off and I look away. She checks the temperature before she climbs into the bath.
The bath isn't much cleaner than her. "What's wrong, Angel?" What's right with this situation? It breaks my heart and I'm glad Flynn isn't here to see this. He'd be murdering them all.
I walk to the bath and kneel down next to her. "Nothing, honey." She nods and turns the taps off. I grab the jug, "Ready," she grabs a flannel and covers her eyes and tilts her head back. That's so cute. I fill the jug with water and gently pour it onto her long black hair. It needs more water than normal where it's so greasy.
Once I've wetted it I grab the shampoo, "Dollop the shampoo onto your hands and rub it thoroughly into you hair." I say explaining as I do it so she knows for next time. I massage her scalp to clean all the grease. Once I'm satified it's done the job I rinse my hands in the water. I pick the jug back up and fill it again. "Once it's rubbed in you need to rinse it all out. You need to be careful not to get it in your eyes as it stings."
I carefully rinse her hair and the water in the bath becomes soapy. Once I'm done I reach for the conditioner. "Dollop the conditioner on your hands and rub it in. It doesn't lather like shampoo but it makes your hair soft and silky." I rub it into her hair and it's starting to feel healthier already. "You don't have to use the conditioner but it will make your hair feel nice."
I start rinsing the conditioner, "Make sure you rinse it all out thoroughly, it's all out when it's not so slimy and slippery. You'll know," I reassure her. Once I'm done I place the jug on the side of the bath again. "Your hair is all done, honey. I'll brush it when we get back to your room." Miley takes the flannel off her face. "Was that okay?"
She nods, "You're nice," she says. "You aren't like the staff here." Is she saying the staff aren't nice? I grab a wash cloth and squirt soap on it. I pass her the cloth and she frowns. "You do it," she insists.
"I think you should do it, Miley." She shakes her head for me to do it. I sigh, she's Flynn's little sister I can do this. I reach for her wrist and start with her hand. I gently scrub her hand until it's clean and work up her arm to her arm pits. Over her shoulders and neck and down to her other hand.
I bite my cheek to keep the sobs away. She's too skinny, too tiny for an eight year old. I can feel all her bones as I clean her with the cloth. I continue scrubbing away the dirty that's visible on her skin. "Where's your ring?" I frown as she looks at my hand.
I laugh, "I hate to break it to you but your brother is a cheapskate. Besides this is more my ring." I shake my wrist and she reaches it for my bracelet. She reads the engraving and smiles.
"This is better," she agrees. I smile at her, I finish washing her and I rinse the cloth and hang it up to dry. I stand up, my knees hurt, I grab a towel and hold it out for her. She stands up and I wrap it around her lifting her out the bath.
Once she's out I pull the plug out the bath. The water is a murky colour. I turn to face her picking up the clothes. "Where do these go?" I scoop my coat up and keep it in my arm.
"In the washroom down the hall," She grabs my hand again and takes me to the hall. She opens the door for me and she points to the washbin at the side of the room. It's noisy in here with the machines going. I discard the clothes in the bin and she takes me back to her room.
"Can I?" I say putting my hands on draws to find her some clothes. She nods and I find her some clothes, it resembles my clothes. All dull colours except mine are mostly black. I grab a top, trousers and underwear. I help her get dressed and I use her towel to dry her hair.
I sit on the bed and she sits on my lap again whilst I brush her hair through. It's still knotty but better than it was before. She doesn't complain that it hurts so I'm hoping I'm being gentle enough but saying that I wouldn't complain if it hurt. Once I'm done brushing her hair I braid her hair like she did mine. "Hair bands?" I ask.
She produces two for me as she did mine. I tie the first one and make a start on the other one. I tie the second when I'm done. "All done, sweetheart." She pats her hair as I did. She turns on my lap and hugs me. I hold her and start rocking her. After awhile her breathing changes shallower. Has she fallen asleep? I slowly move so my back is against the headboard.
I watch her for hours as she sleeps wondering how she fell asleep in the first place. Someone knocks on the door and then the door opens. The receptionist stands in the doorway and her mouth drops open. "I was checking you were okay but I see you are more than okay. It's nearly dinner time for her. You can stay for dinner, it's not much but the offer is there and then hours are over."
"Sure, thanks."
"Come sign out when you leave," she says retreating out the door. I'm happy here with her. How am I supposed to leave her here? It's painful, just like leaving Flynn. They both have this magnetic pull towards them.
"Honey?" I kiss the top of her head and she stirs. "Honey, it's dinner time." I don't want her missing a meal not when she's this skinny. Her eyes fly open to look at me.
"Angel?" She says sleepily. I smile and nod at her. I stroke her braided hair and her eyes flutter shut.
"Come on baby, it's dinner time sleepy head." She clings to me and I lift her out of bed. I pick my coat up on the way out knowing I'll be leaving her soon. I carry her down the hall towards the food place. At least I think I am, this place is more a maze than a home.
I walk into the busy hall and I notice all the staff looking at me surprised. I carry her to the food line and she starts to wake up a bit more. She holds her own head now whilst I hold her on my waist. I shift her higher up my body so I don't drop her. She's not exactly heavy, I'm just not used to carrying people.
"Do you want me to put you down?" I ask when she starts looking around the room. She shakes her head and rests it in the crook of my neck. I keep walking as the line moves.
"Are you staying for dinner?" She asks.
"If you want me to, then I need to go home sweetheart."
"Stay, aslong as you can. Then come back tomorrow."
"I probably won't be able to come back tomorrow, I live far away. I will come back as soon as I can though."
She nods into my neck, "Can I call you? The other kids get to call their family. Can I call you?" She asks timidly.
"Sure baby, anytime." I'll need to always keep my phone on me, I haven't cared for it before. I wouldn't want to miss her call if she rang. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure, Angel." I smile that never gets old.
"Can I call Dr Faye and speak to her? I'd like to know more, about your sessions." Is this over stepping the mark?
"I'd tell you anything you asked. But sure, Angel." I kiss her head again and we reach the food section.
"Miley? What do you want today? Make sure you eat it all today. Not hide it," the woman says and I roll my eyes.
She whispers in my ear, "I'll have what you have," she says hiding her face from them. The staff get irritated with her silence.
"Two cottage pies please." I say making them look at me and not her. They nod politely and start slopping shit on plates. Literally shit. Maybe I should have declined but I don't want to leave this child any more than she wants me to leave. She places them on a tray and I awkwardly hold her with one arm and hold the tray with my other hand.
I find an empty table at the back and place the tray down. I place her on the bench and then I head to get cutlery and some water. I can't eat without a drink and this looks like shit aswell. When I return to the table she's watching me anxiously. I pass her the plastic cutlery and some water. I feel eyes watching us and I glare at the staff. No wonder she feels like a freak if they're all watching her like this.
I pick up the fork and shovel it into my mouth. Miley laughs at me and copies what I do. "You eat funny," she says when her mouth is empty.
"Maybe everybody else eats funny," I tickle her and she laughs loudly. I stop and she carries on laughing. I shovel more food in, besides it taste as bad as it looks so this way I taste less. She stops laughing and copies me again. At least she's eating I guess.
We finish our food and I can feel both our good moods fade. We both know time is running out. One of the staff comes over to us, "Times up I'm afraid."
"No!" She yells. She jumps on my lap and I hold my hand out to hush the woman. She nods and backs away. I lift her up and walk with her down the hall. I kneel at reception and place her on her feet but she continues to cling to my neck.
"Hey, baby. You've got to be brave for me okay? You'll need to be a good big girl and I'll be allowed back." I can feel her tears on my neck. "I'll be back soon, and you can call me when you're allowed. I'll get those pictures printed for you aswell. I'll even bring you another gift next time."
She pulls away from me, "You promise?" I nod fighting back my own tears to protect her. Who knew I could love this little girl already?
"I promise, nothing could keep me away." She nods and hugs my neck again. When she releases me I wipe away her tears. "I'll see you soon, baby, okay?"
"Bye Angel," she says as I stand. She walks away and my own tears start to flow. I reach reception and the woman looks at me.
"Oh Hon, are you okay?" I nod. "She's quite taken with you. She likes Dr Faye but that's nothing like how she is around you."
"Can you do me a favour? She wants pictures can I send you the photos and could you print them for her?"
"It would be my pleasure, Hon." She reads me her number and I send the picture of Flynn and me and then the two photos of Miley and me. I wait until they send over to her. "Oh Hon, these are beautiful. I will do it right now for you."
"Miley asked me if I could be her allowed phonecall. Is that allowed?"
"Sure, I'll get that set up tomorrow. I clock off soon."
"How often is she allowed a phonecall? I don't often use my phone you see."
"Once a day max. Normally in the afternoon sometime."
"Okay, that's fine. Dr Faye, said she would talk to me about Miley's case. Are you able to request her to call me? I asked Miley and she's okay with it."
"My, you've done wonders with her. She's a very private kid. Course, I'll have her call you tomorrow. Is there anything else?" I shake my head. "Are you visiting again?"
"I hope to, I'm just not sure when. I'll call you."
"Sure, Hon. I'll get Dr Faye to ring you and I'll sort these photos now." I nod. I say goodbye and make my way to the bus stop. I hate leaving her there but what can I do? I wish she hadn't have cried when I left. It's going to haunt me, I want to remember her smiling.