BEHIND THE SCENES

chapter 89: end of one chapter, beginning of another

<OST: It's You - Chungha>

"It's weird for me to say this, I know-" Chungha scratched her head a little, letting out a nervous chuckle after letting slip that she knew Namjoon had feelings for her. "After all, you've never really told me you liked me... but based on your actions, I kind of... was able to form that conclusion."

"I do have feelings for you," Namjoon finally managed to admit after so long. "For two whole years, I had feelings for you... and... I still do."

"So I guess... my feelings were right, huh?" Chungha forced yet another laugh. "I always gave myself the excuse that because you never really told me, there was no way for me to reject you. But on hindsight, it was so painfully obvious. I really should have just asked you about it and settled things without leading you on, you know what I mean?"

Namjoon pursed his lips.

"I guess a part of me liked a bit of the attention..." Chungha admitted. "After all, being liked by anyone is a privilege. It was nice to have someone looking after me at work - especially when that someone is my boss. I was also kind of afraid that turning you down in any way - including rejecting all your alleged 'wrong orders' - would make things weird between us, I think. I was afraid that... our relationship at work might become sour because of something I did... and because of that, I held it in for two years."

"I must have made you feel really uncomfortable, didn't I?" Namjoon reflected. "To be doing all those things I didn't do for anyone else... but not having the guts to tell you the truth about my feelings... it must have been tough for you."

"I don't blame you for that-" Chungha said quietly. "There's no specific time or period whereby you're obligated to confess. Even if you didn't want to confess at all... it would have been completely fine. In fact, if I'm not wrong, I'm sure a huge part of the reason why you couldn't - or was afraid to talk about it - was because of Hoseok-oppa, wasn't it?"

It was the first time Hoseok's name had been mentioned in this whole conversation, and it had caught Namjoon off-guard.

"Y-Yeah," Namjoon managed as he nodded slowly. "Yeah, you're right."

Chungha looked at him in silence, waiting patiently for him to elaborate on that.

"It was very clear that the bond between the two of you was still there, to be frank." Namjoon nodded slowly, and spoke as if he was pep-talking himself. "I wrestled with myself a lot - whether to give up, keep going or just confess right away. Last night when I asked you out to dinner... I was going to finally tell you. And... I think you kinda knew."

Chungha hesitated, before nodding slowly. "I did."

"So... let's pretend the thing with Hoseok-ssi didn't happen... You agreed to come out of being unable to reject me again...?"

Chungha shook her head this time. "I... I was going to go and finally hear what you had to say to me. And if you confessed like what I expected, I was going to finally turn you down, bujang."

"Ouch."

"Yeah-" Chungha let out an awkward chuckle, glancing up nervously to check on Namjoon's facial expressions. "Getting rejected is not easy, I bet - but rejecting someone is just as difficult, bujang. I've never been rejected before, but this was also my first time having to reject someone. And the whole time, I was hoping that something would happen and that I wouldn't have to go. A part of me knew I had to, though - so that's what I really was gonna do... if not for what happened with Hoseok-oppa."