BEHIND THE SCENES

chapter 96: realisations

<OST: Orbit - Hwasa>

Jieun, taken aback by Byulyi's sudden lack of emotion, looked up at her slowly. "What?"

"Please stop acting like this."

"Acting like what?"

"Didn't you know that this day was gonna come some day or another?" Byulyi choked the words out. It was truly conflicting for her, to say whatever needed to be said to this young lady she had always seen as her younger sister. "You can't tell me you didn't know that this was gonna happen eventually. You had a choice to stop it all. I warned you - I told you that if you knew you were catching feelings for him, you had to leave. You denied it."

"I said I had no clue!" Jieun snapped back. "I denied my feelings not because I wanted to, but because by the time I was aware... it was already too late."

"You know what?" Byulyi grumbled as she grabbed the bowl by Jieun's bedside and reached down to pick up the spoon she had dropped on the ground. "Forget about eating. It's not like you ever listen to what I say, anyway. Do whatever you want - you're the only one who has to face the consequences of your own actions, anyway. I'm not gonna interfere from now."

"Why are you acting like this?" Jieun sounded sad yet bewildered at the same time as she glanced up at Byulyi. "I'm feeling sad now, can't you just be a good friend for one second and comfort me? Can't you see I'm hurting? Why are you like this all of a sudden? Are you on your period or what?"

"Am I on my period?" Byulyi scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Lee Jieun, do you really have the nerve to ask me to be a better friend? Do you really wanna compare who's the better friend now? Because I have plenty of things to say about that."

Jieun stared blankly at Byulyi for a while, before turning away. "Forget it. It's all my fault, I'm sorry. Let's not argue now. I'm really not in the mood for this."

"I have been so patient with you," Byulyi refused to stop. "Since yesterday, I have constantly been nothing but kind to you... but you aren't cooperating."

"Okay, I said I'm sorry-" Jieun sighed, getting exasperated. "Can we not quarrel? Seriously, I'm already all drained from crying non-stop since yesterday."

"See? It's all about you again-" Byulyi swallowed hard, clenching the bowl tightly in her hands. "It's always about you, Lee Jieun. You're hurt, I should comfort you. You're in a bad spot right now, so I should understand when you don't appreciate me. You think you don't deserve to eat, so I should just sit back and watch you destroy yourself. Is that what you're saying? Then what about me? Have you ever thought of my feelings? Do you know that for the past few days, I've been suffering in silence? Do you know that my heart is in pain too? Can't you tell?"

Jieun pursed her lips, reflecting on what Byulyi had just said as she glanced up into her best friend's teary eyes. "You're in pain too...?"

"Yeah, you think you're the only one who can be heartbroken?" Byulyi burst into tears. "I've been holding in my feelings for your sake. I have my own issues too, Lee Jieun... but I tried to put it aside for your sake."

"Well, I couldn't tell, I didn't know-" Jieun protested. "How would I know if you don't tell me anything-"

"How can I tell you if you don't even ask?" Byulyi interrupted, her voice cracking as she yelled. "Lee Jieun, why don't you ask yourself - when even was the last time you asked me how was my day?"

Jieun pursed her lips, unable to speak.

"Do you even know?" Byulyi cried. "Not one single time, ever since you moved out - have you shown an ounce of concern about me. Do you even know that? Not one single time."