BEHIND THE SCENES

chapter 119: let go, let live

<OST: eight - IU PROD. & ft. SUGA>

"I thought about it..." Jungkook nodded slowly. "For the past few months, I didn't forget about what you said. I thought about it everyday."

"Oh, you did...?" Taehyung bit his lower lip. "I thought... I thought you forgot."

"Well, I didn't." Jungkook glanced briefly at Taehyung. "I thought about what you said... and a lot of things you explained still make no sense to me."

"I knew you'd think that way..." Taehyung sighed. "To be really honest with you, I think... a lot of things we do are often done in a moment of folly. Looking back, I can say, 'how I wish I did this different,' or, 'if only I had done this instead', 'I should have been a better friend', 'instead of allowing my friend to be treated like that, I should have spoken up', 'I should have comforted him, I should have salvaged the friendship', 'if I had done things differently... perhaps, we'd still be friends now...?' But the more I think about it, the more I realise that I can't change the past. In fact, even if I had the chance to do it all over again, I may not have done things any different. Because that's how life is - you make choices, and you live with them."

"You're right," Jungkook said with a small sigh as he looked at the ground. "After hearing what you said, I tried to put myself in your shoes too. What if I was in your position? Do I have the confidence to say that I won't do the same? The more I thought about it, the more I realised that... no, I don't. I wouldn't know what to do either, so who am I to criticise you for doing what you did to me...?"

"Jungkook-ah..."

"Funny, isn't it...?" Jungkook let out a wry laugh. "It's so easy to just get mad at someone for doing something to you, but when you look at it objectively, you have no right to be mad at all. How I wish I could say that I would have done things different from you... but I really can't say that at all. How I wish I was different from you, but I realised that these wishes are just because I so badly want to find an excuse to stay mad at you for what you did to me. This is such self-sabotaging pathetic behaviour, I know."

"That still doesn't invalidate your feelings of hatred for me over the years, Jungkook-ah," Taehyung said as he patted Jungkook on the shoulder. "But like what I said, it's been seven years... I really don't want us to be like that for the rest of our lives."

"It's been seven years..." Jungkook repeated after Taehyung, as he turned to look at him. "You're right, it's been such a long time, huh? It's so difficult to forgive someone, but it's even harder to hold on to hatred for so long. It really does tear you apart."

That was a lesson Jungkook had only learnt recently, through Jieun.

"I..." Jungkook took a deep breath as he looked Taehyung in the eyes. "I forgive you... hyung."

Tears welled up in Taehyung's eyes as he stared back into Jungkook's eyes, not knowing what to say as feelings of relief and happiness overwhelmed him at once.

"You have no idea..." Taehyung swallowed hard. "You have no idea how hard it has been for me these years. I'm the one who failed you as a best friend... but just like how every day for you probably felt bleak and sad, every day of mine was like that, too. I always longed for your forgiveness and your friendship again... but I never mustered up the courage to ask you, especially since every time we met, you looked at me with those eyes filled with so much hatred. Thank you for forgiving me, Jungkook-ah. I couldn't ask for anything more."

The sides of Jungkook's lips curled upwards a little as he reached out a hand hesitantly. Taehyung glanced down at Jungkook's hand, but as tears rolled down his cheeks, he ignored the hand and went in for a hug instead. Back in Taehyung's embrace for the first time in almost a decade, tears welled up in Jungkook's eyes.