BEHIND THE SCENES

chapter 50: power struggle

<OST: I Wanna Say To You - Suzy>

"Jeon Jungkook."

Jungkook glanced to his right, where Jieun sat on the chair next to his bed. "What?"

"Why did you avoid the question earlier?"

"I didn't," Jungkook said as he closed his eyes. "I'm just tired, I wanna go to sleep."

"If you didn't, then just answer that one question before you go to sleep. Why is apologising so hard for you? I'm really curious."

"Lee Jieun."

Jieun pursed her lips as she stared at Jungkook's closed eyes. "Hm?"

"How many times do you say the word 'sorry' in one day?"

"Well..." Jieun furrowed her eyebrows as she thought for a while. She was a person who apologised a lot, for things she did wrong and even sometimes things she didn't do, if that's what was required of her at work. "Many times, almost uncountable."

"Do you mean it every time you say it?"

"Mm..." Jieun frowned. "Yeah, most of the time, I do."

"And on other times, you don't-" Jungkook put it simply. "You see? It's not just you - the word 'sorry' has been thrown around so casually nowadays that it has lost all its meaning."

"Oh."

"That's why I find it so hard to say it," Jungkook explained as his eyes fluttered open and he glanced over at Jieun. "But you see? When I actually say it, you - or whoever I'm apologising to - would know I actually mean it."

"Ah-" Jieun nodded slowly. "But why? What made you form this habit- or should I say, mindset?"

"Why, is it weird?"

"Well-" Jieun shrugged. "It's not something someone usually would say, or think of, unless they've really been through something that changed their mindset. You see - your theory can be used on so many different words, like... 'thank you', but you're only caught up with that one word... 'sorry'. There must have been something that happened."

Jungkook stared at Jieun for a while, in the dimly lit room. Then he turned over to the other side and closed his eyes. "I've answered your first question - now help me go to sleep. I have a long day tomorrow."

"But-" Jieun hesitated. She had so much more she wanted to ask him, so much more she wanted to know. But there was a limit to how much Jungkook could be pushed. And Jieun didn't want to cross that line. "Okay."

Jungkook fidgeted a little in his bed, adjusting his blanket a little and making himself comfortable. When he was finally done, Jieun dimmed the lights in the room even more and placed a hand on Jungkook's arm.

"Think of the person you trust most, imagine that she is here, together with you, in this room right now. Now, I want you to clear your mind."

Jungkook took deep steady breaths as Jieun patted her on his shoulder, the way his mom used to when he was a little child. But Jungkook simply couldn't clear his mind, he had so much to think... and so much to say.

Jieun continued patting him gently, unaware about what was going through his head. "Now, I will start to sing a song for you-"

"It was because of Kim Taehyung."

Jieun's hand stopped midway, as she heard Jungkook blurt out that sentence. She thought he was going to sleep. She thought he told her to drop it. Why was he telling her this now?

"I became like this because of Kim Taehyung-" Jungkook said quietly, with his eyes still closed and his back still facing Jieun - basically, not moving a single inch. "Every single time we meet, he'll apologise to me. But every single time, I know how insincere he is. I can see it in his body language, his actions."