Stuck with you ✔️

Day 7

Simon

    I don't know what to do. Am I gay? No that's not something I could be. That's gross. But Baz was right, I did want something more from him yesterday, and he was willing to give me what I wanted. He's the gay one. But he knows that. And he's okay with it.

    I wonder if he's always been okay with it? I want to ask him, but we haven't talked all day. Last night he just went to bed and we didn't watch our show together.

    It's already getting late, he's probably going to do the same thing tonight. I've finally started on my Uni reading, so I decided to try and get through a couple of pages before I go to sleep.

    I'm about halfway through when I see Baz out of the corner of my eye walking over to me. I put my book down and look up at him.

    "Want to watch an episode or two?" He asks, sitting on my bed beside me. And I feel anxiety bubble in my chest.

    "Okay sure," I grab my laptop and open Netflix.

    I think he's determined to just ignore what happened last night. He's sitting close to me just like usual and I can tell he has no intention of talking about what happened. As we're watching I keep finding myself zoning out, and by the halfway point I'm completely lost.

    I rest my head on his shoulder apprehensively, and start to relax a bit when he wraps an arm around me. I don't deserve how kind he's being right now, he's a really awesome guy. Now I'm for sure not paying attention to the screen in front of us, all I can focus on is him. The way his arm feels around me, how close we are.

    I hate that I like this.

    I sit up, moving my head off his shoulder, and he turns to look at me inquisitively. And I catch his eyes.

    The I realize something that makes my skin crawl, I want to kiss him.

Baz

    I swear if he tries to kiss me.

Simon

    I think he wants to kiss me. I swallow my fear and lean in, trying to have the same confidence Baz always does.

    Our lips brush together momentarily, but Baz pulls away instantly. He looks at me with what I can only call disgust. And I want to die, I wish I was anywhere but here right now.

    "What the fuck made you think I'd want to kiss you?" His voice sounds like a growl, and I try not to flinch.

    "I don't know" I shrug, and move to leave, but Baz grabs my wrist to keep me from escaping this awkward situation.

Baz

    "Simon I want to be very clear. I wouldn't mind kissing you, not at all. However, I would mind kissing the homophobic piece of shit I was talking to last night. Okay? And I'm not sure if they're two separate people yet." I explain, and I'm surprised to see understanding flicker in his eyes.

    "Yeah okay..." he nods. "So if I work on that, then we could maybe hang out a bit longer tonight?" He asks hopefully.

    "I don't know, maybe" I love how easy it is to annoy him just by being indecisive. "Will you answer a question I have first?" I ask, and I can tell Simon isn't super excited by the idea, but he nods anyway. "Okay don't be fucking annoying about it, and just answer honestly. Do you want to have sex with me?" I ask, and just like I expected, watch Simon sputter and look for the right words. "You know what your answer is, it's a yes or no question" I urge him to just spit it out.

"Yeah" he shrugs, and somehow still manages to look defiant.

"Okay, so you're attracted to me sexually, yeah?" I continue.

"Yeah" he looks a lot less defiant and a lot more annoyed.

"And so a man that's sexually attracted to another man, is a homosexual, yeah?" I stare him down, waiting for him to agree.

"Why do you care so much about what I identify as?" He asks angrily.

"Oh, I don't care how you identify. I care that you're so closeted to yourself that you've become incredibly homophobic. And I feel like admitting that you're gay will help you start to break that down" I explain.

"Fuck that, you want to do a little therapy session before we fuck? What's wrong with you" I expected Simon to get up and leave, instead he's copying the way I'm starring him down. It's very annoying having him use my own tactic against me.

"It doesn't matter how you feel about it, but I'm not fucking you until you admit out loud to me, that you're at least a bit gay," I tell him matter of factly and get up off his bed.