Imperfectly Perfect~ Shalaska

Wednesday

(A/N: Trigger warning, mentions of self-harm, a panic attack and dark thoughts)

Sharon's Pov

Justin rolled over and cuddled up to me, "how long have you been awake?"
"I haven't slept."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"You were asleep, and I didn't want to bother you."
"You should've woken me up."
"I'm fine."
"I want you to be able to talk to me."
"I'm used to putting a guard up."
"Well you've got me to talk to now so you don't have to."
"Yeah."
"I miss out late night chats."
"Me too."
"It was all shit, but it just made sense to us."
"It made me smile."
"That's good."
"You've been so...nice to me."
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"But why?"
"Why what?"
"Why are you so nice to me?"
"Please don't start this again."
"You deserve someone so much better."
"I don't want anyone else."
"You're just being nice."
"Look how much I went on about you in the chatroom"
I sat up with my back against the headboard. "I don't deserve you; you shouldn't be here; you need someone better than me."
"Stop worrying, I don't need anyone better, I like you."
"You can't like me, no one can, I'll just let them down and disappoint them."
"Don't listen to them."
"I hate my fucking self so much, I'm such a shit person, you shouldn't have to put up with me, I just hurt people."
"I like you."
"Please don't, you need to leave, you need to get out of here and run for the hills, run away from me."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"You need to because I've got something I need to do."
"I know what that is and you don't need to do it, you're stronger than that Aaron."
"I'm not strong, i'm weak. Weak weak weak."
"You're not weak."
"I'm a terrible person, I need to do it."
"No, you don't."
"I want to."
"If you do I will too."
"Please don't." Tears escaped my eyes as I pulled my legs up under my chin and started to rock backwards and forwards, my fingernails scratching at my legs in anger and frustration. "I deserve it." I chanted over and over.
"You're scaring me." Tears left Justin's eyes.
"Please, I'm begging you." I sobbed, "just let me do it, I need my things." The door creaked open and my mom padded in, in her slippers and dressing gown.
"What's with all the shouting."
"I don't know what to do." Justin said as he let out a choked sob. My mum rushed over and put her arms around me. "It's alright baby, take deep breaths, there you go, in and out, Justin go and get him a glass of water."
I breathed in and out as she held me close and spoke calmly to me. "Don't you listen to them, you're better than that Aaron Coady, you're the bravest and strongest person I know, and I love you to pieces."
"I need my stuff mom."
"No you don't, you're going to fight, you're not going to give in and let them win."
"Mom..."
"Yes honey?"
"I'm sorry, please don't leave me, please don't hate me."
"I could never hate you Aaron, it's you and me fighting against your demons."
After a while she lay me down and tucked me up in bed. "You must be exhausted, get some sleep." She kissed my forehead, "I love you Aaron." I closed my eyes and listened to her leave the room and start talking to Justin.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do."
"Don't go upsetting yourself."
"I felt so useless I just wanted to help"
"I know you did; all you can do now is go back in there and be there for him when he wakes up."
"Okay, what do I do if he wakes up and panics again?"
"Talk to him, calm him down, I know you can do that, that's why I messaged and thanked you."
"I wondered why you said that."
"Well now you know."
"Yeah."
"Get some sleep love."
"Goodnight."
"Night dear."
I heard the door close and the bed sank as Justin climbed in. I heard him sigh as he rolled onto his back. I rolled over and rested my head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry." I whispered.
"What for?"
"Making you feel useless"
"You heard?"
"I'm sorry."
"No, I am I panicked"
"You've helped me a lot."
"What?"
"That's what I'm like when I messaged you in the night at school, you distracted me enough to calm down a little."
"You told me how to help, I feel so stupid."
"When?"
"The end of term ball, you helped me, you told me what to do."
"I get if you hate me now."
"I'm never going you hate you."
"You'll still be here tomorrow?"
"Promise."
"I don't like promises."
"This one's different."
"I love you."
"Did you just?"
"Yeah."
"Then I love you too."
"You didn't have to say it."
"I wanted to."