You Do Love Me, Don't You?

Chapter 25 · Journal

Lilly's POV:

I woke up to the heat of the sun shining in my eyes and I groaned.

I slept like shit.

I got up, nonetheless, and brushed my teeth and stuff.

Then I walked to my bedroom door, my hand on the knob.

"Don't leave your room in the morning."

I sighed and sat on my bed. What am I supposed to do?

I drew a picture, took a nap, read a book, hell, I even played solitaire, and then I just watched TV.

Suddenly the door opened and I turned, expecting to see any Kingston brother, but, instead, all I saw was a maid. She put a plate of food on my desk, followed by a familiar looking book.

As she left, I got up and picked up the book.

Nick's journal.

It had a sticky note on it, saying 'read me' so I started from the beginning, and flipped through the pages, reading it.

January 1st,
This is my new journal. My mom got it for me. She said I 'needed it.' She just doesn't think I can handle being a Kingston. Well, I can. Me and my brothers will be better than my father, I'm sure of it. It'll be fairly easy too. All we have to do is stay sober while we're at work, and, if we have them, don't beat our kids. Stupid alcohol, it can make even the best minds turn poisonous. It's the new year, but I'm not sure anything will be different. Dad is still drinking, Mom is still working, Michael is still trying to be the protector, and Andrew broke up with his girlfriend, and now he won't settle. I'm just trying to get by. I'm finishing all of my online courses, Mom wanted me to have a higher education, just in case the business went down. I was really hoping this year would be different.

I looked at all the words with wide eyes. Damn. I shook my head and continued to read.

January 3rd,
I couldn't bring myself to write yesterday. It was too much. Mom's hurt, and she can't work. I think it was Dad. Michael assures me it wasn't, but I could see the bruise on his face too. Dad's been flakey. He's hit me and my brothers before, but never my mom. Michael said that he's sick, and we can't see him. I haven't seen Mom much, I think she's avoiding everyone. This year was supposed to be different.

January 4th,
Dad really is sick. I saw him, and he looks bad. I can't make myself feel bad, though, because he's a monster. Michael caught me, told me to mind my own damn business. Andrew still has no idea, but he isn't the same. It's like he sensed the change in the house, and he's just dragging his feet like a zombie now. Mom wants me or Michael to go out with Layla Barns, she's the daughter of the Barnsley Corporation, but, man, is she a bitch. Michael said he would, but I don't want to ruin his life. That's all Mom's been talking about. Work. Marriage. She even brought up white picket fences and kids. Damn I hope she's over it soon.

January 5th,
I'm now going out with Layla. I should hate her, but I know she's just sad. I know she's sleeping with Andrew, and that's gross as hell. I also know that she's in love with another man. He works at her father's work, and she's scared of her father judging her, or firing him. I told her that I didn't care what she did, that we just have to keep this facade up a bit longer for our parents. I've been diving into work. I finished my online courses, though I think Mom's going to make me do more. Michael has been out a lot lately. He got a call from one of his highschool friends, and I think it's messing with him. Dad won't eat, or leave his room. He said it's because he can't walk. Whatever.