Love Has Blinded You

Fourteen

Anakins POV:

The council didn't react when I told them Calypso's message. I hated that they acted like they weren't surprised that Count Dooku was a separatist or even about the blockade. They also didn't even seem to care that Calypso was okay, which made me even more upset.

I understand they can't be worried about every Jedi but to not even care for the well being of a young jedi knight? It seemed they had their priorities all wrong. We weren't disposable and yes we would all willingly give our lives for the Republic. But that didn't mean we wouldn't also fight to live.

Calypso was risking everything to accomplish this mission and I had started to grow weary of the Councils nonchalant expectancy for us to accomplish our mission or die.

I was quiet through dinner and I have seen Padmé glance at me worriedly many times, but she didn't pry which I was grateful for. It wasnt until we were lounging in the living room, a fire in the corner and her sitting close beside me that she finally spoke.

"Ani, what happened?" She asks and turns to meet my eyes.

I meet her worried brown eyes and caress her face gently with my hand.

"I am just upset at the carelessness of the Jedi Council." I say matter of factly.

She furrows her brow, "Could you elaborate?"

I shrug and turn away from her, putting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

"They don't care about any of us," I blurt out and I surprise myself with my outburst. It is something I have felt for some time but I had continuously convinced myself otherwise. But I didnt need to pretend with Padme. She understood my issues with the Jedi order. But she also knew I needed it. I needed to be a part of something bigger than myself and something that helped people. Without it, I'm afraid I might go mad.

"Ani, you know thats not true. I dont know what to say to convince you otherwise, but the Jedi Council have a deep bond, stronger than any group I've ever seen. Maybe their way of caring is different from what you think it should be or even what you're used to, but I dont doubt that they care for you or anyone else for that matter," Padmé says and grabs my hands, making me face her. She puts her hands on my face and makes me look at her and my heart swells.

I'm being tortured every day I'm here. Getting to know her, spending every minute of every day with her. And tonight, by the fire, completely alone, it's becoming too much to resist. Not to even mention how absolutely exquisite Padmé looks tonight. You would think shes trying to make me kiss her.

I want to, so badly. But I can't, I promised I would say and do nothing. So instead I stand and turn to leave but Padmé grabs my hand.

"No. Stay."  she says softly and I sit back down beside her.

"Ani, I," she starts and my heart begins to race. Please say she's going to say what I think she will. Please say is going to admit to having feelings for me. "I just wanted to... I have to say...." she stutters and I want to silence her with a kiss but I promised her I wouldn't. But it also means I have to leave now or I won't be able to contain myself. 

"I can't do this," I say and stand up. I turn back to her, "Im really trying, Padmé. But you're making this so hard." I say exasperatedly. I was at the end of my rope. Padmé was the only thing that brought me joy and peace and I just wanted to mean more to her.

But I didnt and that was something I was trying to be okay with. But I hung onto every little gesture or word she said that could mean she felt different.

"Ani, please."

"No!" I accidentally shout and Padmé seems completely shocked, "Ive tried to contain myself Padmé but... but I love you." I blurt out and I see Padmés eyes widen but I cant hold it in any longer, "I love you and this is impossible to be around you day after day and.. and.. learn all about you and get close to you and not be able.." I look away from her. Im embarassed by my outburst and I've calmed down significantly.