Love Has Blinded You

Thirty-Three

Anakins POV:

Ahsoka convinced me to go meditate in the room of a thousand fountains. I loathed meditating. It only depressed me and often showed me visions that offset me and made me react emotionally. But Ahsoka had begged and pleaded with me to give it a try, insisting that it was vital in a Jedis path to spend time ridding ourselves of our selfish thoughts and feelings.

Maybe it was the overwhelming sense of dread Ive been feeling lately, or the palpable tension I feel when Calypso is anywhere in the temple. I can feel her anxiety resounding in my chest. Shes scared and alone, but Ahsoka was right.

Although we're best friends, Calypso, since she's been back, is not a good influence on me. She changed while on her mission and until she works to regain who she is, I have to focus on training Ahsoka and being trained by Qui-Gon. Regardless of how shitty it makes me feel to abandon her.

"Master you're not concentrating," Ahsoka scolds me and I roll my eyes.

I have never been good at quieting my mind. If I'm not overanalyzing my actions, I still become distracted by my feelings and then my mind wanders to my mothers safety and wellness and Padmés and... here I go again.

"Master, I sense your frustration," Ahsoka says quietly and I open my eyes to look at her, eyes closed and sitting cross legged.

"Wasn't trying to hide it," I grumble and she smiles.

She opens her eyes and looks to me. "Youve been so out of practicing meditation that now its become more difficult. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, but rather that you should make it a habit."

I groan and she closes her eyes again, beginning her meditation.

Okay, okay. I can do this.

Just empty my head of all thoughts and emotions. Start small.

I start with where my heart is farthest away, in Naboo, with my mother. I think about her smile, her voice, her safety. And I let the thought of her drift away.

Next, my thoughts drift to Padmé. Whether she's on Naboo or not currently, my heart pictures her here often. I picture her smile, her laugh. Her voice, her lips. I linger with her for some time, forgetting just how comforted I was in her presence.

"Ani.." she sighs and caresses my face.

I lean into her hand and kiss her palm.

"Ani, you need to go." She says and then she too, fades from my thoughts.

I'm transported back to the temple and I begin to see all the masters Im afraid of disappointing. Windu, Yoda, Mundi, Fisto, Koon and finally Qui-Gon.

I see his reassuring smile and him putting a hand on my shoulder.

"You still have much to learn my padawan. But I am proud of the progress you have and continue to make."

They all fade into one singular ball of light and then they're gone from my thoughts.

I brace myself for the last distraction of my heart. Cal.

My first vision of her is of us cuddled together in Mandalore, a memory from so long ago. I see her trace my face with her fingertips, watching me with pure adoration behind her eyes. I miss that. I miss us together.

I'm transported into a new memory, one more recent. The overwhelming sense of happiness I felt at seeing Calypso on Mandalore before she returned home. The feeling of her in my arms, her tiny figure that seemed to fit with mine perfectly.