Endgame | ᴍᴏʀᴇɪᴅ

There Won't Be A Next Time

Derek Morgan

Oh God, why did I say that? I watched the look of hurt on his beautiful face as the words escaped my lips faster than I could think.

"Morgan that's enough!" Hotch chastised. I squeezed my eyes tight. How could I?

"Whatever," I scowled at myself. Why the hell did I say all that? It was so stupid and meaningless and it had come out of nowhere. God, he wasn't even wrong. I knew he was right I just couldn't picture an 8-year-old girl ending up like the previous victims.

I felt like banging my head on the SUV, maybe it'd help knock some sense into me. I couldn't get his face out of my head. How hurt he looked. I never thought I would be a cause to one of those looks. God, I'm so, so, stupid.

"Damn!" I kicked the tire in anger.

"Let's go," I snapped up when I heard his voice.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Reid figured out where James took the girl," Hotch clipped. "Go back to the station with JJ and the mother. You're not thinking clearly and I do not need you getting personal on the field. It's an order," I wanted to argue back but figured he was right. I wasn't in my right mind. I swallowed down as much as anger as I could before going over to JJ.

"That was cruel, Morgan," she said simply. She hadn't even been there when I told him all those things but I knew she picked up on what happened.

"I don't know why I said those things," I shook my head. "JJ, I didn't mean that I really didn't. I was just mad that James escaped and took a girl. We had him," I sighed. A lump of emotion started to form in my throat. JJ's face scrunched and I realized she didn't know. I swallowed the lump. She wasn't the person to confide in right now.

"Just apologize to him. You guys will be okay. You're best friends," she encouraged. I nodded but I knew an apology wouldn't be enough for the mean things that I said to him.

"Er, yeah," I nodded my head again. I sat down in the empty conference room. How do I even begin to apologize? Heartless? How could I have said that? My Pretty Boy has the purest of hearts with the kindest of souls, how could I have told him he was just the opposite? If it weren't because I was in a police station I probably would've punched something out of anger.

I don't know how long I sat there, contemplating everything I said and how I was going to fix it because I was going to, I just didn't know how.

"Thank you, guys," I looked up as I watched the rest of the team come in. I looked over at Spencer, feeling guilt wash over me. God, he couldn't even look at me.

"We're here to help," Hotch assured the detective, shaking hands.

"Sorry about earlier, I freaked out when I saw him grab her," he rubbed his neck in embarrassment.

"Don't worry, some actions can be justified," Hotch looked over at me and I sighed, knowing he was right. We left the station after that, getting on the jet. I wanted to talk to him then because I couldn't stand the tension between us. I couldn't stand him being upset over something I said. I didn't because there were too many people around. I figured I would talk to him once we got back at headquarters but he disappeared before I could even leave my office.

"Damn," I banged my head on my office door. It hurt but I could care less. I sighed, what now? I grabbed my bags and left the building, driving home. I hated it when he went home alone on public transport. He knows the dangers of taking it at night and I always hated it when he did it. Was he home already?

As soon as I got home I called him. He didn't answer any of the five calls. I groaned smacking my palm to my forehead twice.

"Come on, Pretty Boy, I need to know you're safe," I mumbled to myself as I began typing.