Heal Me

51 Days After

Sunday - 50 Days After

Alice Rose, that's her name.

And it's also mine.

What if Mr. McG was right about the whole reincarnation thing. What if I am experiencing all of this because of him.

"So let me attempt to understand," Dr. Sandra said after I told her everything yesterday, "ever since you were young, you would have these dreams about the same person or people. They were always about Ezekiel and his life?" She slightly asks and I nod my head, "and then this girl in his life who later dies."

"I see her die every year on my birthday, but I've never seen her face until recently. Before it was just little clips of her death and the event leading up to it, but then it was everything playing out like it actually happened," my words clump together.

"She looks just like you and then she dies. Now your dreams are about the same girl?"

"I assume so, but I've never seen her face, I just know her name, and she's with the same guy."

"Okay, so then you became the girl and you see her relationship unfold with Lennox, who then is also Ezekiel?"

"The name Ezekiel reminds him too much of his dead parents and sister, so he goes by his middle name," I say as if I believe every single word coming out of my mouth. Like all of it actually happened. My god, I must be crazy.

"Okay, and they also happen to be a boy in school who looks just like Ezekiel and his name is Lennox?"

"Yes," I whisper, waiting for her to call me crazy.

"Alice, you know it only harms you more than helps you when you lie."

"But I'm not lying," I lightly shout.

"Okay, I just wanted you to be aware," she looks down at her notepad and starts writing down some stuff. I'm crazy, I know it. Lock me up in a mental institution, put me in isolation. Someone just needs to do something because I need help, serious help. And I need it fast.

"I say that maybe keep your distance from this boy, maybe he is triggering these dreams," she finally spoke.

And that's when everything clicked yesterday. Everything Mr. McG told me came rushing back.

"Memory is the persistence of learning over time through the storage and retrieval of information," I recited, more to myself than to Dr. Sandra.

"Yes, did you learn that in your psychology class?"

"And then a flashbulb memory is a clear memory of an emotionally significant event. I must have needed a reason, I needed to find the meaning of the memories, which is why I remember them. Then deja vu is like experiencing something you may have already done in the past. But may also be memories from past lives," I mumbled.

"Alice, I think you are taking it all too far. I think it is best to try to prescribe medication," she tried, but I didn't really hear her.

"I found reason in the memories in my past life, I found the purpose of those moments in life and now I'm remembering them again."

"Alice!" She exclaimed and my trail of thought vanishes before me, "I think it is best if we try a new medication. I will discuss it with your parents. It was brave of you to inform me of your dreams. Its a big and important step into your recovery," she finally said and my session was over.

And here I am, sitting in my room, left with my thoughts, slowly watching the time pass by. Sleep had not found me last night, and I was left to watch the sunrise when morning came.