Fame

Chapter 41

Chapter 41

Avery

"Liar!" I scream as I see the pictures of both of us in our room.

"Liar! Liar! Liar!" I scream as I knock them all down, shattering the glass and breaking them into a millions of little pieces. I was so mad at him for giving up on me, on us and for being so goddamn selfish.

"Avery!" Ashley says running into our room just as I knocked down another picture of us. She pulled me away even as I struggled but I eventually gave in to her hug and stop fighting back and cried loudly.

"He cheated me Ashley. All this while, he was planning for his death when I thought we could live together," I say sobbing loudly as she held me tight. His body was already buried but I still remember when I reached the hospital.

I still remember how there were huge bandages covering his arm, where he slit his hands to end his life. His skin looked pale and he was so lifeless. I pushed his arm, trying to wake him up but he didn't. His cheek and lips weren't red like they always were and his smile had been disappeared.

"He had a smile on his face when we found him," the nurse says as I look at him. Jennifer had come home to check up on him after I asked her to and he apparently didn't answer the door, so she took the spare key and went him to find him dead in our bathtub, soaking in blood.

I found his letter he had left me. He left me one and one to others, a common one to all.

"Avy,

If you are reading his that means I am dead. It also means I never had time to show you just how much I really did love you. You are the beat of my heart, the soul in my body; you are me, because without you I am nothing. I love you, Avy; you are my wife, my soul mate and my best friend.

This was not your fault. None of it was. I have been broken, even before I met you and you completed me. You made me happy but I couldn't anymore. I was weighing you down. I didn't want you to give up your life for me because you deserve so much more. You have already done way too much for me.

My death had to come a long time ago but you postponed it. You almost made me want to live and I did live, for you and now I am gone for you because I want you to live on. I want you to live for the both of us. I want you to find love and get married again. I want you to stay happy because that is the reason I am going.

Achieve your dreams. Don't let anyone get you down. Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life because it's yours. Dare to live on and try new things Avy. Live on. You have to live without me and for me.

I have just watched your performance of 'I love you' and this is the perfect way to die. I have just watched my wife, the love of my life perform a song she wrote for me in front of millions of people and said that she loves me.

You made me the happiest person Avy. I am so sorry. Don't be mad at me. I'm sorry, I really am. I love you so much and when in love, we do what we think is the best for the other so this is the best for you.

Avy, I want to say something and I mean this more than I ever did before. You were the love of my life, the girl of my dreams. Just because I have passed away does not mean I am not with you. I'll always be there looking over you, keeping you safe.

So whenever you feel lonely, just close your eyes and I'll be there, right by your side.

I love you Avy, I always have and I always will.

I love you," it said.

He left me a last bouquet of sunflowers for me and a card that said, 'This is the last time I can get you sunflowers. I am so sorry but I love you Sunflower." I still had them and I would preserve them I wax.

I cried, I cried so loud that I thought my heart would stop beating. I couldn't take it. Every time I look around, always find him missing. I missed him and I hated him for giving up so easily. I hated him for leaving me all alone when he promised me he would stay with me forever.

"He's gone," I whisper and Ashley was crying too. There we were, Ashley and I never spoke but there we were, crying in each other's arms. She just held me as I cried for Jacob. It had been three days since he was gone and I hadn't stepped outside my house ever since.

"I failed him," I say and Ashley shakes her head.

"No you didn't Avery. You didn't fail Jacob. He chose to give up his life so that you could actually live. You didn't fail Avery, he just succeeded," she says wiping my tears but that didn't help.

Every time I look at my finger, I see my wedding and engagement ring and I recall everything. I always cried when I looked at it. I thought I got a happy ending in life but I didn't. No one was now with me.

"Avery, you are the strongest person I've ever known. I am sorry for being so cold towards you. It's just that I saw you so happy with my parents and yours and you always got the attention and it was always you. Then you started sating Liam, you became famous. You got success at such a young age and I thought your life was perfect," she says and I look at her.

"I hated you because of it. Because I thought you had a perfect and easy life but then I soon started to realize that you had a worse life than us. I am so sorry," she says and I hug her tight. She hugged me back.

"I am sorry too. I was never a good older sister to you," I say and we forgave each other, finally after 25 years of our life.

The maids came and cleaned up our- my room and Ashley left soon. I went to the closet and wore one of Jacob's shirts and looked through all of our belongings together. Sometimes I still look over my shoulder, hoping he would turn up and hug me from behind and say all of this was a prank but he never did.

I still remembered how his blue eyes gazed into mine. I thought we would last forever, only if I didn't go to work. Only if I stayed with him instead of going for shows and recording. Only if I didn't fail him.

He kept mentioning in the letter that he let me go and live my life but he didn't know that my life was nothing without him. He was my everything but he just left me. I wanted him more than he needed me but now I don't have him anymore.

I lay on his side of the bed, tried to imagine how he felt, lying there next to me, knowing that he would be gone, leaving me to face the world alone. The room still smelled like him and it always brought me to tears.

He showed me what love was. He showed me how unconditional love can be. He gave me hope that my life would always be happy with him by my side but I have lost all hope. I miss speaking to him about anything. I miss singing with him, not even knowing the lyrics. I miss dancing hard to our jams. I miss seeing him smile. I missed him.

I was a mess now without him. He kept me together. Everyone kept sending me these "strength" words but they didn't work. No, I cannot do this anymore. They said I had to move on but I can't and I won't. I considered Jacob as the last man I would ever love and it will stay that way.

No one understood how it felt when the love of their life died. And how you feel worthless when you know that you could have prevented it. I could have saved him. I could have but he wouldn't let me.

All this while I thought he was getting better. I thought he was getting better for all of us but he wasn't. He was faking it and I just wish he told me what was the real thing that he was feeling.

I had to move away from this house before it made me mad. I was going mad in this house, not being able to let go of Jacob so easily. I still wonder if it was easy letting me go. If only I could speak to him now.