𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 {𝐿.𝑆.}

𝟜𝟘 ~ 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘺

Last week I finally felt like Lou and I were becoming closer again. He went home with me nearly everyday, we jammed out a little and watched some movies. Went on a little trip on the motorcycle. It was like we used to be.

I really thought we were going good. But now again he is taking distance. Hanging out with Eleanor after school now. Something he rarely does, but has been doing more often these past few days.

He's distancing himself again and I feel like shit about it. I try so hard to show him I love him and I even tell him but he never returns it anymore.

I've been wearing his ring again but he doesn't seem to care at all. He noticed it and said something about it but his voice was emotionless and cold.

We agreed to go to my place today but he last minute canceled on me. Saying his mum needed him. I know he was lying. He was playing with his fingers and seemed way more nervous. No way in hell his mum really needed him.

"Lou why are you acting like this?" I finally asked the question that has been torturing me for weeks now.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that one day your a dick and the next you're all over me." I say roughly.

"You are not the one to be pissed here Hazz."

"I kind of am. You're treating me like dirt and I know I was wrong but you aren't acting much better right now either. I apologized fo-"

"No you didn't." He interrupts me.

"Yes I-"

"No. You explained what happened. Told you didn't want it to happen. That you wished it didn't. But you never apologized. You never said you were sorry." He says and I know he's right.

I dont do sorry. It's meaningless word that you should use when you're actually sorry. Not to just make up with someone.

'Say sorry and it'll all be over' they say but it doesn't work like that. It's bullshit. It doesn't mean shit. And it makes you weaker. Showing you're vulnerable.

I already was crying. I'm not gonna be pleading for forgiveness and than say sorry. Call me arrogant but I don't do that shit. I explained right? That's what he deserved, the truth. I said I didn't mean it and explained it all.

Sorry just isn't part of my apologies.

"You needed to hear me say sorry?" I'm a little shocked to be honest. "Is that what all this shit is about. Me not saying 'sorry'? Really?!"

"Well yes. You treated me like dirt as well Styles. You only deserved the same back."

"I MADE OUT ONCE!" I exclaim. "Why do I have to endure a month full of pain?! Do you even know how hard it is for me not to cry myself to sleep. Just because I have no idea what to do to make you happy. Only to find out you're whining about one single word?!"

He just rolls his eyes and walks away.

"I was talking to you Tomlinson."

"Whatever Styles." He says over his shoulder putting up his middle finger behind him.

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We've ignored each other all day now. And I was about to just head home when I caught him full on making out against my motorcycle. They moved over to the wall next to it but it made me furious.

Seeing Louis making out with Eleanor so passionate makes me want to rip them apart and slap him. I'm not aloud to make out but he still can. I get it now.

I step on my motorcycle and make extra noise while pulling up. In my rear view I can see Lou look at me in a little shock. He clearly knows I saw because it was impossible not to. But I don't know if it was regret in his eyes or satisfaction.

The way he was making out with her makes me wonder if he's really gay or maybe just bi. I feel like Eleanor is more of a competition than I thought and maybe I'm the second choice instead of her.

It's starting to feel like he's leading me on. Every time I reach my limits of accepting his shit, he gets all soft again and wins me back. It has been going on like that for a couple weeks now and I hate it.

I arrive home and just go upstairs. Not talking to mum. I looked at my phone only to get pissed as hell.

Louis: Please baby, talk to me.

It kept repeating in my head. I could hear him saying it. Making me hate it more and more with the second.

I throw the ring at the wall and here it clatter as it falls on the ground.

I don't know why but I immediately grabbed my guitar and started playing a random bits. Hoping not to get too aggressive and start wrecking things.

Before I knew I was writing a song. One that explains my shit perfectly again.

Don't blame me for falling
I was just a little boy
Don't blame the drunk caller
Wasnt ready for it all

You can't blame me darling
Not even a little bit, I was away
And I'm just an arogant son of a bitch
Who cant admit when he's sorry.

Don't call me baby again
You got your reasons
I know that you're tryna be friends
I know you mean it
Don't call me baby again
It's hard for me to go home
To be so lonely

I just hope you see me
In a little better life
Do you think its easy
Being of the jealous kind?

Cause I miss the shape
Of your lips
You'll win, it's just a trick
And this is it so I'm sorry

That's basically the lyrics really...
It's all exactly how I feel. I have been playing it nonstop now. It's already 10 o'clock and here I am. Still sitting in my window playing the same tune over and over again.

I feel so alone knowing Lou is out there with Eleanor... him calling me baby just to make me weak makes me want to barf and suddenly I'm starting to doubt wether I still love Lou as much as I used to.

Him leading me on like this is starting to give me second thoughts about that...

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~ Louis' POV ~

I have been sitting here for hours listening to him playing that same song over an over again.

I take one look at the message I send again.

'Please baby talk to me'

And there the lyric is again. "Don't call me baby again..."

I'm pretty sure I heard him write the song this afternoon. Playing little bits over and over until it sounded right.

I just wish he'd understand that all I need to hear is sorry. If he just apologizes I'm okay. But he refuses to do so...

What's the matter with him and saying sorry?

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