𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 {𝐿.𝑆.}

𝟜𝟚 ~ 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘶𝘭𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦

𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐲...
Lou has been ignoring me. The only way he communicates with me is through Willow. Who is above furious with me.

I broke him. I hurt him. The exact thing I promised not to do. I did it. And I would want to kill myself for it.

She told me to stay away and definitely find another place to sit at lunch. So I did what Lou wanted and decided to sit outside. From a specific angle I could see them sit and I can see the hurt on his face.

He's really broken by my words and I wish I could take it all back...

I myself am even more broken than him. I feel so deep down. I haven't been this depressed in years. It's equal to when I was told I needed to move and wouldn't get to see my mum anymore...

I feel like shit and I have nobody to go to. The guys are on Lou's side. Like they should be. Willow hates my guts. And the one person that can calm me down isn't gonna help me now.

I drove around town the entire afternoon and got home late. Just grabbing my guitar and playing a few songs that hit me deep.

Starting with the one song that reminds me of him and his eyes...

Can't stop staring at those ocean eyes...

Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes
Your ocean eyes

*𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒚*
I think I've been staring at him for over 15 minutes now. He's sitting on the other side of class but I can perfectly see the color from his eyes.

Just those eyes make me want to fall down on my knees and say sorry. For everything. Everything I did and everything I said. Everything.

He doesn't look back and keeps his face straight. Making me want to cry.
What the hell did I do...

I feel like shit about what happened. How could I have been so rude, so cruel to tell him he's a coward for not wanting to be bullied.

He has the right to do what he wants. To take his time. And here I am telling him to hurry and to choose between his fake girlfriend which he doesn't even like and me the guy he now hates...

It's all because I couldn't say sorry. Al because I'm such a fucked up soul. I don't know how to deal with shit. I never did. I just tried to get through and now those times still hunt me down.

Just because I couldn't say sorry and he pushed me I lost it...