𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 {𝐿.𝑆.}

𝟘𝟞 ~ 𝘪𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵, 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘥

~𝐵𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑡𝑜 𝐻𝑎𝑟𝑟𝑦'𝑠 𝑃𝑂𝑉, 𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑑𝑎𝑦~

I went back downstairs and grabbed the letter he wrote.

I can't believe he thinks this will fix everything. It doesn't. It makes shit worse. If he would be here I would slap him in the face. Something I should've done a long time ago.

My dad can be such a dick. He knows how bad I wanted this damn thing. I asked about it for years but he denied it and I had to save up every little penny to even get a crappy acoustic one.

And now that he fucked up he finally gives me the damn thing. In hopes of me coming back.
He finally realizes how much he needs me and how dependent he is. I know he wants me to come back but I would never go back voluntarily. No way in hell I'm moving back in with him.

I did everything and he did nothing. He said someone had to get money for food and I get that. But I never even got a thank you for cooking every day, doing laundry and shit. But letting me do groceries or buy anything at all? No. Never. I just wasn't aloud to spend money. He got everything he wanted while I had to work my ass of for a simple book.

Now that he realizes everything I used to do he wants me to come back and finally starts appreciating what I did. Well too late.

I look at the guitar and something inside of me wants to trash it. But I can't I have dreamed about that damn thing for years now. I begged for soo long.

I feel my eyes filling with tears and my sight becomes a little blurry. I still need to buy an amplifier if I want to play the damn thing but it just hurts.

I hate him. I hate him for playing with my feelings like that. He knows how badly I wanted this thing. But it was 'too expensive'. Even though next week he bought himself a huge new tv.

Not to forget the random weekend trips to Amsterdam and than acting like it was business. I know it wasn't. I bet he just went to the red light district to get laid.

He never really cared about me. Nor did he care about my mum. All these memories keep coming back the past few days.

Everytime I think about them I feel just as helpless as I felt back than. I feel like the fragile little kid who couldn't bare hearing the screaming anymore. Hearing the glass chatter on the ground. Hearing them shout at each other about the smallest things. Hearing my mum's voice trembling. Hearing her tell him to keep it down because of me.

She never wanted to wake me but she always realized far too late. I was already sitting at the top of the stairs. Listening to everything they said until I couldn't bare it anymore.

My thoughts got interrupted by my phone. I opened it to find the one thing I could really not handle right now... Chloe.

Hey Styles. I was wondering how you're doing. Maybe we could catch up sometime. I've missed you lately. Let me know. Xx Chloe

The fact that she had the guts to say that. After everything she's done to me she should be apologizing at least. But she isn't like that. I wish I realized that earlier...

I ignored it and dropped back on my bed, face down with my head buried in my pillow, screaming, crying. Just wishing my past would leave me alone for a while.

I picked up my guitar again, the acoustic one, and started slowly strumming. Singing 'Older' while letting the tears flow out.

I used to shut my door when my mother screamed in the kitchen
I'd turn the music up, get high and try not to listen
To every little fight
Cause neither one was right
I swore to never be like them
But I was just a kid back than