Infiltrate [3] - very slow updates

25 | Ryland

"You can't love me." Her soft voice replies, a catch in her breath.

Rage and agony entwine within me but I push it away, not letting them control me.

"Why not?" My voice is rough, my throat aching and I swallow.

She keeps her back to me, shoulder tense and I try not to look at her.

"Why not?" I hush, repeating the question when she doesn't reply.

"You just can't."

My brows furrow and I scoff. "Give me an actual reason."

"Ry. . ." Her voice trails off, the words choked.

I turn to her, anger slightly compelling my actions. I settle a hand on her shoulder and gently turn her to me, catching her gaze with mine.  "No, Windsor. Give me an actual reason as to why I can't love you, why I have to police my emotions?"

"I. . . I don't know, you just can't." She whispers.

"That's not good enough."

"Ryland."

"Windsor." I stop, hesitating on the next words but letting my emotions rule anyway. "If you're going to break my heart, at least give me a reason so I don't have to be near you." 

"What?" She spins, her red hair wild around her paling cheeks.

I close my eyes, "I'm not going to sit here and wait for you to make up your mind. I've already waited years, if I'm not a choice for you than just tell me so I can't let go of us."

"That's not what I-"

"What, Windsor? Not what?"

"That's not what I want. I don't want to lose you."

"Then tell me what you want."

Her eyes flutter and lips purse, words never escaping.

I sigh, feeling my heart crack down the middle. I don't say anything as I get up, walking towards the door.

Maybe it's finally time to let her go.

The handle is cool in my grasp as I wrench the door open. A mask falls over my face as I take a step out of the room.

I don't care anymore.

"You." The word whispers against my skin, causing me to halt in my steps.

I don't turn around, afraid I'd imagined it.

"I want you, Ry. I always have."

I turn around, shutting the door behind me as I watch Windsor on the bed, her head downcast.

"Then why do you always push me away?"

"I'm scared, I don't know how to be a couple. How to be an us." She shrugs but I know that's not all.

"Windsor, we were always an us. That won't change. We'll be a you and me. We'll still be ourselves just together. A relationship isn't going to ruin your individuality."