Kabanata 47
February
"Let me go, Mister Floirendo! Ano ba! Gaano mo ba ako na hindi nirerespeto ha?" I hissed at him. "Simpleng pakawalan mo ako... ni hindi ka nakikinig sa akin? Ano ba!"
"Please stop screaming, Layla..."
He said that in a much-controlled voice, probably hoping that his tone was contagious. But it wasn't.
Because in this town... he had no reign over my existence.
At imbes na ma-hawa sa pagiging marahan niya sa akin ay mas sumilakbo lang iyong galit at hinanakit na bitbit-bitbit ko para sa kanya.
Tangina? Talaga ba? Inuutusan pa rin ako?! I wasn't even screaming!
I gritted my teeth and deepened my glare. Mas may pwersa na ngayon ang pag-wakli ko sa kanyang kapit.
"I'm not screaming!" bulyaw ko.
"Tumataas iyong boses mo..."
Fuck! Tinakpan ko na ang tenga ko at mas nilaliman pa ang inis para sa kanya.
"Don't talk to me in Filipino!"
He sighed again and took a few steps towards me like my request wasn't ridiculous at all.
Hindi na ako gumalaw nang inangkin na ng dalawang palad niya ang mga palapulsuhan kong nakaangat para barahin siya. This was fine. His nearness was fine. So he could clearly see how angry, disappointed and betrayed I really felt...for the past 3 years.
And so I glared at him some more.
Pero imbes na nagmamakaawang tingin ang sumalubong sa akin, hindi ko alam kung bakit parang... nagpipigil pa siya ng ngisi.
Hindi ko na maitago ang pagkalito sa gitna ng matalim kong tingin. I unwarrantly took a step backward dahil pakiramdam ko kahit ako naman 'yong mas... bayolente ang nagiging mga reaksyon... ay ako pa rin 'yong talo.
But I wouldn't actually let him see that.
Kayang-kaya ko maging talunan. I was now fine with failing. With losing.
I have already hit rockbottom before. And with him. I've already felt a myriad of emotions, that I was now determined to be more graceful in spite of it.
Pero ang makita ng isang tulad niyang...imoral...na ako ang talo sa aming dalawa, ay hindi na ata kakayanin ng natitirang kakarampot kong kahambugan. Sa kasalukuyang gabi.
Pagod ako. And I was beginning to grow impatient with my exhaustion.
I took a step back and forced him to let me go again. Na ginawa naman niya.
Tinitigan ko siya ng matagal. Not because I wanted to, or because I wanted to relish in his presence. But because I hoped staring at him too long would make him disappear in front of me.
"What do you want from me?" pilit kong pina hinahon ang aking boses.
"I want you..." tinitigan niya ako ng mariin.
BINABASA MO ANG
Behind Curtains (ONGOING)
General FictionLayla Lagdaméo was her parents' biggest investment, and their biggest flaw. Panganay, matalino and belonged to a working middle class family, Lala was well-informed of her parents' daily sacrifices just to prioritize her comfort. Ngunit, anong ginaw...
