Behind Curtains (ONGOING)

Kabanata 6

Kabanata 6

Owners

Because of fireworks displays being everywhere, I was almost always excited for New Year's Eve.

Naaalala ko pa noon, like it was tradition, our entire family would drive for the municipal hall kapag oras na ng countdown. Easily entertaining ourselves with the lavish fireworks show organized by the city mayor.

And I remember being always excited for those little moments, making them my favorite.

Kaya noong huli-huling New Year ko na kasama si Keith, we decided to fly out of the country to change that. With the fireworks and adrenaline rush, akala ko 'yon na ang pinaka hindi ko makakalimutang pagdiriwang ng Bagong Taon.

I was even very transparent with myself, pre-admitting that this year's celebration would be another bummer, and thought only a good show would console me.

Kaya nga ito ang napili kong hotel; for the best views of all aerial light bursts across Manila Bay.

Hindi ko naman naisip na imbes ma-aliw ako sa mga paputok sa labas, 'yong pag-putok pala sa loob ko ang mas magpapalibang sa akin.

"Tangina," I cursed at my own thoughts, slapping my arms against the warm bath water. Hindi malaman kung mahihiya ba o tuluyan nang mabaliw dala ng lahat nang nangyari kagabi.

Napapikit nalang ako at nilublob ang sarili sa maligamgam na tubig, hoping it would ease the anxiety.

It took all my willpower not to scream earlier this morning, waking up beside a stranger in an unfamiliar room. And when I vaguely remembered what happened, hindi ko na inaksaya ang limitadong oras para mag-isip pa. I immediately, quietly jumped off the bed, kinapa ang aking mga gamit, and rummaged through his hotel closet to look for anything clean that would fit me.

Buti nalang at may isang unused bathrobe pang natira roon.

I practically crawled my way out of his hotel room, successful in fighting off my own hang-over, but barely winning against the tenderness that was going on in between my thighs.

Putangina talaga.

This wasn't my first ever walk of shame, kaya sanay ako sa mga dapat na ginagawa. I've went home looking shittier, whilst nursing the most terrible of headache, in clothes I've worn the day before.

But this was definitely my first Morning After; wherein I felt guilty on every edge, and felt extra embarassed of my own reactions from last night.

"Fuck my life, hindi na talaga ako iinom!" sigaw ko sa kawalan, and like all the other times—and in behalf of everyone else who said it, too—was probably a false promise; but for now, I am supposed to mean it.

Now in my own bathrobe, dried up and combed my hair, nilagak ko kaagad ang sarili sa kama, banging my head and fists against the bed's softness.

I materialized my frustration and current self-hate into screams; punching pillows, as if they were me and my conscience. And I did just that until I grew tired and fell back to sleep.

I swear I am not drinking again.

Hinding-hindi na talaga!

"Lala, Happy New Year," bati kaagad sa akin ng mga house guards nang makabalik ako.

Ningitian ko sila ng tipid at dahan-dahang hinila ang aking maleta.

"Happy New Year din po..." ganting bati ko, napapalinga sa paligid.