Escape || an LGBT+ story (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 52

'I now want to make a dramatic escape from the church.' I tell Joshua when I arrive. 'Or just my dramatic. Like coming back after I've transitioned just for one sermon. Would they notice?'

'They probably will, since they all spend their time looking around and judging other people since the sermon is too boring. But it still sounds fun.' Joshua says. 'I'm joining you. Why though, all of a sudden?'

I tell him the whole story of Sammy, Becky, Sven and Oliver. 

'It's sad though.' he says. 'How many people are hiding their true colours because of some stupid, old black book, forcing themselves to be someone they're not. I'm wondering how many of them there are at our church.'

'Yeah...' I sigh. 'Or the ones who are unable to be themselves even though they want to, since they have no choice because of the church they are forced to go to.'

'Should we just make a religion against our church?' Joshua grins. 'No homophobes allowed. See how they'll like that.'

'They don't even perceive themselves as homophobes.' I say. '"We accept all people with homosexual and transgender feelings... well , only if they force themselves to bury it deep down and never do anything with it and feel alone or uncomfortable for the rest of their lives." Such great christian love.'

'Yep.' Joshua says.

'Yep.' I say.

***

Lara takes me to Becky's room. It's on another level of course, since Becky is a cancer patient. Lara just tells me which room it is and walks away, since she has to visit another client.

When I enter the room, I am slightly taken aback by the sight. Becky really changed a lot since I last saw her. She's gone bald, wearing a cap to cover it up a bit, her face is pale, she doesn't look as strong as she used to, instead, she looks exhausted and weak.

I had no idea it was this bad already. It's been just three months since she moved to the hospital.

She still greets me with a smile. 'Hi.'

'Hi.' I don't know what to say, just smile.

'I'm Rebecca, but you can call me Becky. Nice to meet you.'

'Nice to meet you too, I'm Jay. How are you doing?'

'Well my body screams "not fine" but I myself feel quite well. Over the course of the past few months, I have realized I've been blessed with so many awesome people around me.' Becky grins.

'That's great.' I say. 'So have I.' Joshua, protecting me. Jamie, caring for me. Lara, helping me. The nurses, making me feel at home. I'm really blessed.

'And how are you doing?' Becky asks.

'Well, I'm... quite fine, I guess?'

'But?'

'Just, dysphoria. Sometimes.'

'Ahh, I see...' Becky looks at me with sympathy, before her expression brightens. 'But you're here so I can help you out a bit, right?'

'Well, yeah.' I scratch my neck. 'Thank you for letting me borrow your binder last time, by the way. I've honestly never felt so comfortable before.'

'Great!' Becky says. 'I got it from a really good webshop. The budget is relatively okay, the quality is great and the shipping is really fast. It usually arrives within a day. Should I give you some tips?'

'Yes please!' I say, my mood brightening. 

Within a few days, I might be able to move freely again.

***

The next day, when my binder arrives at Jamie's so my mom won't ask me any questions, I am too excited. Becky even pointed out some swimming tops and waterproof binders, so I bought both, along with a nice polyester T-shirt and swimming trunks to go with it. Bye, swimming dysphoria! At least I hope so.

The binder suits me so perfectly and I barely see my chest in the mirror. My T-shirt actually falls down straightly. I see a boy, a smiling boy. That is me!

No, not all my dysphoria is gone. But this is definitely a great step.

After jumping around the room with Jamie, all excited, I hurry to the hospital. I just can't wait to show Joshua.

I almost dance into Joshua's room, hugging him as he's sitting on the edge of his bed, looking at his feet. 'Josh!'

'Woah Jay!' he laughs, patting my back. 'You being this happy must mean the binders are a success, right?'

'Yes!' I pull back and tug at my T-shirt, striking a cool pose. 'How do I look?'

'Wow...' Joshua blinks. 'You look really... Jay!'

'I know right!' I am so excited that I hug him again. 

Then, I let go. 'Oh, I've gotta thank Becky. Can you excuse me for a while?'

'Sure, I'll be waiting right here. Not like I'll walk away.' Joshua's smile almost reaches his ear. He is just as happy as I am. That realization makes me even more happy.

I hesitate for a second, then I quickly lean over to peck his cheek. 'Bye!' I say as I dash out the room.

***

Word count: 801

***

I should get a good binder too, my dysphoria is getting more and more severe lately:/ Sadly dutch binders are like hyper-expensive and the UK/US binders have high af shipping costs, I wish I could just do a group order like for a K-pop album lol. Well yea, I got some birthday money so I might just buy three binders at once.