Escape || an LGBT+ story (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 59

!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!! (I can't spoil tho, sorry.)

***

'Hi, my beautiful boyfriend.' Joshua says when I enter the room.

It's not the first time he says that, but I still blush every time. 'Good afternoon to you too, my handsome boyfriend.' I sit down next to him, he's sitting on the edge of his bed again. 'How are you?'

'I have just discovered something.' Joshua says.

'Tell me.' I say curiously.

Joshua lifts his right leg, and then his left leg. 'I have been moving my legs since yesterday, without noticing.'

'Oh my god!' My voice goes up, like always when I am excited, something I hate but at the moment can't bother about. 'Wow! But how on earth did you not notice though?'

Joshua shrugs. 'I wa bored, I sat on the edge of my bed and tried to move my toes, but meanwhile my legs were moving with every exertion I make. I was just focusing on my toes too much on what you don't have, you may just overlook what you do have.'

'That's deep.' I sigh, thinking about it. But I'm too lazy to reflect on it thoroughly, so I turn the conversation back to Joshua's legs. 'But that's great news! Have you already told any of the nurses?'

'No, not yet.' Joshua says. 'I discovered just a few minutes before you arrived.'

'And it doesn't hurt?'

Joshua shakes his head. 'Not at all. And you know what, the nurses said I can start rehabilitation soon after I can move. So well...' He grins.

I hug him tightly. 'That's fantastic, Josh!'

Laughing, he wraps his arms around me as well. 'I love you, Jay.'

That sudden confession startles me a bit, but does make sense, since I know that Joshua has trouble with the idea of having to burden me if he were to never walk again, even though I would gladly take care of him for the rest of my life. Now that it is pretty sure that he will be able to walk normally again, he knows he can protect me as well.

I also feel a bit emotional. I do really know and feel that Joshua loves me. He has shown me in a thousand ways already. He is protecting me, treats me in the way I have always wanted to be treated by my future lover, and always accepts me. But to hear these three words coming from his mouth, I still feel really touched.

'I love you too.' I mumble in his shoulder, clutching my hands in the fabric of his T-shirt. It's also the first time I'm saying these words to him. Before, I felt too scared and unworthy to say these words. He has done so much for me, means so much to me, cared so much about me. In comparison to the love he's shown me, my love for him feels incomplete.

But I too love him. I have loved him for a very long time, before I even knew who I was myself. And even though it still seems like a dream to me, all of this, it is real. Joshua, my first and only love, loves me back.

I pull back from the hug, my heart still pumping blood around my body rapidly and feeling many emotions. As our hands find each other and intertwine, our eyes meet. And then, for just one second, Joshua's eyes linger on my lips, and he looks back at me. My gaze falls on his as well, I gulp. This scene I have imagined so many times, I am on the verge of discovering how it truly feels to lock lips with Joshua.

I am a bit nervous, but curious, and at the same time a feeling deep within me is growing stronger. A feeling that makes me yearn for a deeper touch than the holding hands, hugging and small pecks we've done so far. To be closer with him. To forget about the world, our past, everything surrounding us.

Suddenly, Joshua's hand touches my face as he cups my cheek carefully, lifting my face a bit so that my gaze flutters to his eyes again. His gaze holds a bit of suprise but he still tries to scan me. I raise my eyebrows. What are you waiting for?

'Are you sure?' Joshua checks again, just to make sure.

'Hm.'

Then, he leans in and, ever so tenderly, kisses me. A shiver of pleasure runs down my spine when his soft lips touch mine, pressure increasing gradually, he moves his lips slightly, and I respond, moving my lips along with his.

Joshua is very careful and tender, he is letting me decide the pace. His hand moves from my cheek to my neck, his thumb brushes my earlobe as he lets go of my hand to cup my face with the other hand as well, as I raise the pace and the kiss becomes more intense.

My heart feels like it is on fire. It's so hot and feels like it can explode any minute, the feeling growing bigger and bigger. His lips on mine, it feels so natural, as if we've done it so many times already, yet it is an experience like never before, completely new and so overwhelming, making me breathless, wanting to be even closer to him. My hands slide around his waist, travelling over his back, I pull myself closer to him. 

The kiss starts to become more rushed and messy, Joshua's hands slide down to my waist, pulling me even closer.

I am burning with passion  as I wrap my arms around his neck and deepen the kiss. Joshua! This is my first kiss with Joshua, finally, after the three years I have liked him. The first kiss, my first ki-

At that moment, a memory flashes through my mind. A quick flash, but I am able to clearly feel Jake's hands on my body. A pang in my chest, my breath hitches, and my hands fall in my lap. Joshua breaks the kiss right away and lets me go. 'What's wrong?'

The d*mned tears are back again. I am unable to speak, I just pull up my knees to wrap my arms around them and hide my face between them. 'I just... the flashbacks, I'm sorry.'

'Oh Jay...' says Joshua quietly, his voice brimming with concern as he hugs me and my knees. 'It's okay. We have plenty of time together. Maybe it's still too early, but we can wait. Don't apologize, it's okay.'

My heart hurts. It hurts so much. I wish I could just get rid of the memories, of the pain. Why does it have to affect me and Joshua so much?

As soon as I stop crying, I decide, I am going to find Lara. I need therapy. I really need it.

***

Word count: 1137

***

I am heartbroken just like you. I'm sorry. Also for the detailed description. I have included it because I think it's important to the storyline, even though I felt a bit odd writing it, lol.