Escape || an LGBT+ story (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 19

!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!! Dysphoria, sexual assault...

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'That guy better not be there, cuz if I see that face of his, I will probably not be able to resist the urge to slap him.' Jamie grumbles as we enter the elevator in the flat where the guys live.

'Didn't you secretly always dream to be famous?' I ask.

'Well yeah, but because of my own creativity, not some bad selfie on Ian's IG.' Jamie groans. 'Now Zoey knows I'm gay too. Good thing she's a fujoshi. She got over her heartbreak within ten minutes and now she fangirls about us all day. I don't know which one is worse, honestly.'

I just chuckle. The elevator arrives at the fifth floor and we get out, walking to the boys' apartment. 

I ring the doorbell, feeling slightly nervous. Today, I'm wearing knee-long denim shorts with one of my favourite oversized tees, striped yellow and white. 

The door is opened by Ian. 'OH MY GOD JAMIE MY CUTE LITTLE STRAWBERRY! Oh, hi Jay.'

Jake, who was sitting on the couch, shoots up, looking at me. He does not look okay, to say the least. His hair is a mess, his eyes look dull, with bags under them, his complexion is pale, and his air is just so miserable that it makes me feel sad as well.

Meanwhile, Jamie doesn't see anything besides Ian blocking his view. He grunts: 'Jay, do I really have to do this?'

'Let's go for a walk on the beach!' Ian blatantly ignores Jamie's comment.

'No, I'm staying with Jay.' Jamie says, clinging onto my arm. 'I didn't come here for you, in case you thought so.'

'Then why?' Ian seems disappointed, so I brush Jamie off. 'It's okay, Jamie. You guys should talk, I think.'

'But Jay...'

'It's really okay.' I reassure him.

He sends me one last concerned look, but I just open the door and walk in. 'Bye, James! Hi, Jake.'

Jamie gets dragged away by Ian, so now I'm alone with Jake. I close the door.

'Long time no see.' I say.

He mumbles something I can't hear.

'What did you say?'

'Nothing.' Jake smiles weakly. 'Would you like anything to drink?'

'Yes please.' I walk over to the couch and sit down. 

'Do you want a beer? Vodka? Wine?'

What part of "I'm a minor" did he not get last time? 'Um, do you have cola too?'

'Oh yes, of course.' Jake disappears into the kitchen, later returning with a glass of cola and a beer for himself. 

I take a sip, then I put my glass down, cutting straight to the point. 'So, why didn't you visit Joshua even once?'

Jake chokes on his beer and starts coughing.

'Woah, are you okay?'

When Jake finally stops coughing, he chokes out: 'Sorry, I choked on my beer.'

I look at him with concern. 'Jake, are you really fine?'

His eyes portray an inner battle when I pose that simple question. Okay, he's obviously not. Then, he gets up. 'I'm sorry- I... I...'

I get up and put my hand on his shoulder to assure him it's alright, but all of a sudden, he pulls me into a hug. At first, I tense up, but then I wrap my arms around his waist and pat his back. 'It's okay, don't say anything.'

His grip on me is tight, and I feel relieved when he finally lets go. But then, he rests his forehead against mine.

Oh no... I do not like where this is going.

'Jay...' he whispers.

I start to back away, but he won't let me. Grabbing my waist, he takes me by surprise and kisses me.

I freeze completely. My brain just stops working. I hear my own dull heartbeat in my chest and taste alcohol in my mouth.

My first kiss. It's my first kiss, and he took it.

His kisses get more and more lustful, and his lips leave my mouth, travelling towards my neck. I wake up from my trance abruptly and push him off me. 'No! Stop!'

He stares at me for a solid second, and I can see the battle in his eyes again, but... he loses. Pulling me closer again, he whispers: 'Jay, I only want you...'

He buries his head in my neck, kissing again. His hand slides under my shirt. My body goes numb.

His hands travel up under my shirt, his thumb slides under my binder, his fingers touching... that godd*mn area I hate with all my heart. But I can't move. I am, once again, completely frozen.

Just like that accident, forgetting how to move at critical moments. Why am I like this?

His hands travel over that godforsaken area and he finds the clasp. With every second, my humiliation and fear grows. 

'Why are you wearing that thing?' he mumbles. 'You shouldn't hide such beautiful things.'

That slaps the sense into me and finally I remember how to move again. I lift my knee and hit him... right in the spot.

He falls to the ground, clutching his crotch.

'I said STOP!' My horrible feminine voice cracks, as tears are dripping down my face.

Then, Jake falls to his knees. 'Jay, I-I'm sorry... I need you.'

Looking at him hurts my heart too, but this time he has crossed the line, and I'm hurting too.

'Jay...' he begs. ' Stay with me, please, I'm... not fine.'

Without saying a word, I turn around and walk away. When I lay my hand on the doorknob, I hear his voice again. 'Jay, please... don't leave me alone...'

I open the door, step out of the apartment, and slam it shut. Immediately, the sob that I've been holding in escapes, and I lean against the door, panting. When I have regained my breath, I readjust my binder and shirt, wipe my tears, and start running.

***

Word count: 933

***

Gosh, I hated writing this. Especially that "You shouldn't hide such beautiful things" part. Actually, my dad said that to me. It still hurts. Because, you know, these "beautiful things" remind me of the fact that this body I'm living in is what people see me as, even though it's not me.

I feel so horrible for Jay.