Two Ghosts

Chapter 3

On the day of the funeral, Santana finally attempts to start her little Honda that's been parked in the garage for way too long despite Maribel offering her car for Santana to use. It takes her three tries and plenty of furious pumping of the gas pedal before the car rumbles to life and she sits there patting the dashboard, thanking her for starting.

There is a surprising amount of people at the service: from reporters to news anchors Santana recognizes from TV, old teachers and other coaches from high school, and a mix of Sue's family and friends. Santana even recognizes Becky Jackson from afar, dressed in an all black track suit, her eyes puffy and red, as she cradles Sue's iconic megaphone in her hands. Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury are there as well and just seeing them really brings her back to her high school days.

Subconsciously, she scans the crowd for Brittany with a mix of anticipation and dread but she spots a different blonde instead. Quinn's standing alone towards the side and Santana quickly makes her way towards her, avoiding eye contact in hopes of being unrecognizable.

They stand together in silence as several people close to Sue go up to speak, but it's not until Becky begins that Santana starts to feel tears at the corners of her eyes. Becky's voice cracks every so often as she talks about how much she looked up to Sue and it looks like she's barely holding it together. Santana can't imagine what that must feel like, to lose your best friend forever. Her mind drifts back to Brittany and although they aren't speaking she at least knows Brittany's somewhere out in the world living her life and it's so much better than the alternate.

Maybe a couple months after she had moved to New York, after a night of attempting to drown her sorrows with a bottle of vodka, Santana thought about what she would do if she ever got the call about Brittany. She didn't understand why her mind drifted in that direction, but she knew she couldn't picture life knowing Brittany wasn't around. Not like the how it was with Santana in New York and Brittany in Ohio, and Santana struggling to acclimate without Brittany around, because she managed to do that. It wasn't easy, but she found a way.

But with Brittany gone completely? Santana couldn't cope with that. She didn't touch vodka for an entire year in hopes that she'd never have that thought again.

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It's not until the speeches are finished and everyone begins to leave that Santana finally sees her.

Brittany's got her blonde hair braided back into a bun and Santana watches with awe as she tucks a lose strand of hair behind her ear. Even considering the circumstances, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks never looked so beautiful on someone. She's stunning in her midnight blue button up and black sheer skirt, but the dark colors are so misplaced on the blonde. She's used to Brittany's usual mix of quirky patterns and bright colors, but she reminds herself that they're different people now and maybe her style has changed now too.

Or it could just be that they're at a funeral and dark colors are usually the dress code?

Regardless, Santana can't take her eyes off her as Brittany wades through the crowd, she just can't get over how close she is to her, the closest she's been a long time. She feels her whole demeanor shift in her presence but she can't help it, Brittany has always had that effect on her.

Suddenly she has the urge to move closer, to break all the rules she's made for herself, and make contact. Maybe just to say hi? Maybe just to count one last smile?

But then a taller blonde catches up to her, still ever so trouty, and he pulls a handkerchief from his suit jacket pocket and hands it to Brittany. She gives him a small smile and dabs under her eyes and Santana's heart lurches. She can't believe Sam Evans is still in the picture after all this time. How could he be any better than she was? It should've been her there to console Brittany and let her cry on her shoulder, not Sam fucking Evans.