𝐷𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑒~ 𝐵.𝐵𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑒𝑠

FORTY NINE

"Rosalie come on we've got to go." Steve says crouching down beside me, "Steve? What happened?" My mind still couldn't make sense of it, it just could not be happening, "did we really lose?" He lets out a sigh as he helps me up, "we did." He admits before wrapping his arms around me. I do t say a word as Steve leads me back to the jet, all that was on my mind was the fact that it should've been me.

"So where we going." I jump as I realise the words had come from the raccoons mouth, "I got something on my face?" He asks me making me shake my head, "then why are you staring?" Damn why was I actually kinda scared of him. "Sorry, I was just shocked to see you talk?" He scoffs, "we just fought against a bunch of space dogs and a giant purple Titan who turned people to dust but you're shocked about the fact that I can talk?" Man why was he so cranky. "Well animals don't usually talk and you're a racoon-"

"I'm not a racoon!" He shouts at me, "oh sorry?" I don't know what he was talking about he was very much a racoon, I know my animals but maybe he was going through an identity crisis. "So you didn't answer my question." I shrug.

• • •

We get back to the compound in silence everyone is miserable thinking over our defeat when I'm trying to do anything but that. I just couldn't accept it and thinking about it hurt too much, I needed to be distracted.

Once we all separate I notice Thor seems to be taking this the hardest he looks like he's two seconds away from a meltdown and so I go after him. "Thor?" I knock on the door of his old room I hear some quiet shuffling, before he opens the door. "Rosalie?" He questions moving to the side to let me in. "I just came to check up on you." I tell him he lets out a forced chuckle, "why would you think to do that? I'm fine, completely and perfectly fine." He says to me trying to keep his voice from wavering, he fails and then he starts to cry straight after.

My eyes widen but I quickly try and comfort him, he hugs me tightly as he cries into my shoulder a rambling mess about how everything started after I ran away, and something about his hammer, his dad, a sister, his hair, his eye, his home, his best friend, his people and his brother.

"Whoa Thor I can't understand you buddy, come on let's take a second to breathe." I tell him as I pull away to wipe his tears, "yeah just like that, good job, you're doing so good buddy just keep breathing with me." I instruct in a calm tone which seems to be working because he stops crying. "Ok now tell me what's bothering you." I say as I wipe his face and then make him sit down.

He tells me the whole story from when we last saw each other and I feel my heart breaking for him as the story goes and he just seems to lose more and more. "Oh Thor." I say as he finishes, honestly what had this man not lost? "If it makes you feel any better I love the short hair." I say which makes him smile for a second before his face crumples. "It's ok come here." I say as he begins to cry again, "it's ok, let it all out." I tell him as he cries in my arms, he just doesn't stop crying and I don't know how to help, sometimes all you could do was just be there for your friend.

And so I just hold him to let him know that I'm there as he cries his heart out until he ended up falling asleep. I look down at the god of thunder who was softly snoring on me with a small frown, he was so hurt and vulnerable right now, he reminded me of a young child and it made me so sad.

• • •

"Were you just coming out of Thor's room?" Steve asks me as I finally managed to get Thor off of me without waking him. "Yes we were just catching up, but he's sleeping so don't you dare wake him up." I tell Steve seriously, I didn't want his small moment of peace to be disturbed. "Rosalie." I shake my head at his tone I'd been doing such a good job at keeping my feelings away and I knew I'd break in front of Steve.

"Steve, I'm fine." I say in a forced tone as he looks at me not believing me for a second. "Rosie, come on I know you." I take a breath as I try to swallow the lump in my throat, "I don't want to think about it because if I think about it then I have to acknowledge that it's real and that it happened, I lost him again and I can't handle knowing that so I'm not thinking about it because it didn't happen. Bucky is fine he's in Wakanda and he's fine, he's doing what he usually does and is just waiting for me to return from my trip visiting my friends." Steve's eyebrows furrow and concern takes over his face as he looks at me, "Rosalie." I screw my eyes shut, "it didn't happen Steve." He lets out a sigh as he doesn't not know what to say and he wraps his arms around me. "It's ok Rosie, everything will be ok." He whispers to me as I sob into him.

• • •

Once I get to my old room I start crying again I just can't help it, I sink down with my back against the door as I sob heavily, I cry for Sam who was like the brother that you annoy because you love them so much and Wanda who was like a younger sister, I cared about her and worried for her like she was my daughter. I cry for T'Challa and Shuri both of which I had spent the past year with fondly, Shuri talking in her overly smart way and T'Challa and I looking at each other lost but finding comfort knowing we both didn't understand what she was on about. Shuri I would train with, grinning at her pride after she would take me down. I cry for Loki because even though we had only met briefly when he was bad, I had taken a liking to him and ultimately he had cared for his brother who was taking this so hard. I cry for Tony because even after how things had been left between us the avengers we were a family and I still loved him and I just hoped that he was ok. I think of Peter whom if only met briefly but he was such a sweet kid I hoped he made it out ok too. I cry for everyone who had survived and now had to deal with the pain of their lost ones.

And then I cry for Bucky and the pain that I feel hurts so bad I feel like I may just die, I can't stop crying my tears a never ending waterfall as I think of the man that I loved more than life itself. I feel like I'm going to burst and so I let it all out, I scream into my empty room my skin glowing that blue again as the whole room is covered by ice. I fall back in exhaustion and my cries slow to whimpers as I think about Bucky. Knowing he was gone felt like someone had wrapped their hand around my heart and were squeezing as hard as they could. How could I just keep losing him, why? We had been so happy, so happy and at peace for once but now he was gone and I found myself envying him, he didn't know the pain that I was feeling having to deal with the fact that I was here and he was not dealing with the fact I was going to have to learn to live without him again.

• • •

After I'm done I sit up and look around my frozen room and sigh, I get up and leave I couldn't stay in there. I find myself outside of Steve's room I hesitate for a second before I shake my head, it was Steve, my Stevie my brother. I open the door and peak my head in to see him fast asleep, quietly I make my way into the room and climb into his bed. "Rosalie?" He whispers making me jump, I thought he was sleeping. "Yes?" I whisper back my throat sore from all the crying. "Can't sleep?" He asks, "that and I kinda froze my bed." I tell him making him crack a small smile, "you froze your bed?" He asks with a small laugh, "it's not funny." I say even though I begin to join in with his giggles.