Moonstruck || OC × Hisoka

40

Chapter 40: The Real Thing

Hisoka was speechless. He was immobile. He seemed to have cold water poured all over him with what she said.

"Well, there were other people that my past self didn't want me to forget. Like Illumi. Oh, Gon and Killua, too. I kinda remember some people from that Warfare which occupies a very very little space in my brain." At that moment, everything felt unfair. How come those people who weren't even with her most of the time stayed in her memories than him who was always beside her for seven months straight?

He wanted to complain, he wanted to question her decisions, heck he even wanted to just drag her to the other side of the world and make her remember him in all ways possible. He wanted to do all those yet he remained still, listening to her words.

"I trust my past self. She probably had the most rationale mind than all of my selves in different times." Rationale? Is making yourself forget someone rationale for you? He wanted to voice that out, yet his mouth remained shut.

"Since she decided to erase you from my memories, it only meant that you've dealt enough damage for her to self destruct." Her lips were twitching downwards, her eyes averting to Midnight who seemed to fall asleep after all the crying.

"To be honest, I really think it would be better for me to not remember you anymore and just stay as clueless as I am these past few years." His eyes widened as her words elicited a small gasp from him. She looked downright serious and that scares him.

Is the pain he's feeling right now equal to the pain that Rei felt a few years ago? This uncomfortable and shitty feeling in his chest when he heard her words... did she also feel this way when he told her to just die? When he told her goodbye? Is this it? Because if it is, it hurts like fuck, and he wished he didn't say those words to her before.

It's ironic. The Hisoka Morow, rendered speechless and immobile by just mere words from a girl who was defenseless as of the moment. He was supposed to be used to all the pain and the sorrow, yet he felt really terrible.

Before he realized it, a lone tear fell from his left eye as he stared at her with a dumbfounded face. He just met his son unexpectedly, and he also finally meet her after seven years but this is what he gets? It is unfair.

What if she wouldn't trust him? What if she walks away from him? What if she takes Midnight with her? What if he has to look for her and Midnight again everywhere just to lay his eyes on them? What if–

His trail of thoughts were interrupted when Rei reached out to his face, brushing the tear that fell from his eye with her thumb with guilt written on her face.

"I'm sorry, have I gotten too far?" She asked, her voice soft as her palm was pressed on his cheek. Another tear fell from his eye, making her face contort in guilt as she brushed the tear away. "I'm sorry–"

"Damn it, just stop talking." He whispered, holding her hand that was on his cheek before pulling her closer to him, burying his face on the crook of her neck.

She wasn't serious. Thank goodness she wasn't serious. He let out a shaky breath, releasing all of the fear in his chest away. Midnight was between them but it wasn't really a bother. What's important for him is that she remembers him, and that she let him do that to her.

"I've been a jerk. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that to you. I shouldn't have beaten you up that badly. I shouldn't have said those words. I'm really sorry." She only hummed, letting him voice out all of his regrets. He was sincere, that was for sure. His words are true, that was for sure. And most of all, he is already in front of her, that was for sure.