𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐚 † 𝐟.𝐠

Chapter One

look at my head, i'm better off dead

Making it in New Jersey seemed nearly impossible. With the amount of artists and musicians trying to follow their dreams a kid with hopes of being in a famous band was the most common thing you could hear about.

Frank was one of those kids.

Music had always been important to him, right next to his lover. Frank found himself practicing more and more everyday, try so desperately to fill the hole left in his heart with music. Keeping himself busy kept him sane. Band members weren't hard to find when nearly everyone in the city wanted the same thing. He, Nick, Tyson and three other boys with nothing but time to waste got together and "fucked around" when they had time as their parents called it. All good things come to an end eventually though and Frank was no stranger to saying. Continuing to work and find some sort of outlet to get himself out there Frank finally found his break not to long after abandoning the idea of a successful band. Being on his own was one thousand times better to Frank. No one was able to disappoint him when it was only himself and his guitar. Time passed and things stayed alot the same except for being signed and having his name on the cover of a few alternative magazines. Still, Frank was humble as always, still feeling empty since the money and fans weren't filling enough. Something was still missing.

His manager worried about him. So did his father and the loyal friends he somehow managed to keep. They all knew that he hadn't been the same since the breakup but no one was bold enough to tell him to get his shit together and get over the boy he dated as a teen. It wasn't like he didn't try to move on, he just couldn't bring himself to date anyone anymore. Even the thought of a simple one night stand made his stomach queasy. Being alone wasn't so bad when you didn't think about it. Not having anyone to love was a-okay. Being completely irrelevant while being the most relevant person in New Jersey wasn't unbearable. It was nice when no one could hurt you, it was safe and that's all Frank wanted.

•••

Dinner was in the oven with only five more minutes to cook and Bert's beer was already poured into a wine glass to make Gerard feel like their situation was different. He found himself doing that alot. Pretending. Covering bruises and cuts with long sleeves and make up, cleaning furiously to make it seem like he didn't share his home with someone who decided that it was Gerard's duty to make sure the house was in good condition. It worked sometimes if he didn't think about it too much. But once he did, the truth was undeniable.

"Bert, dinner is ready." Gerard called from the kitchen in the soft voice that hadn't changed much since highschool.

He quickly sat down the silverware and napkins the way he had been taught in his etiquette classes years ago placed his own plate down infront of him. Not to much later l, Bert came trudging in giving Gerard a sweet smile before sitting down.

"It looks amazing, babe." Bert complimented him.

Gerard soaked in the praise, loving it more that anything. "Thank you, I didn't know if you'd like it or not."

"It's great, you did so good." Bert praised him, knowing how it made Gerard feel since it was him who conditioned him that way.

Dinner went bye relatively fast with barely any words exchanged. Bert age quick and a little messy, but Gerard didn't mind. Cleaning was all he did anyways. When Bert finished Gerard jumped up to grab his plate along with his own, that still had the food he barely touched on it. While Gerard washed the dishes, Bert still sat lazily with his hand still on his glass on beer and the other tapping the table to some unknown beat, but mostly just staring at Gerard's ass in the tight jeans he always wore.

"Babe." Bert said suddenly, almost making Gerard jump. He was twitchy anyways, on edge 24/7 like someone was going to sneak up on him.

"Hm?"

"I ever told you how hot you are?" Bert said. He was just a bit tipsy but it's like he had to be to make comments like that.

Gerard scrunched up his nose at the compliment, then smiled fondly. "Constantly." He said jokingly.

"Well good, 'cause it's true." Bert snickered

"I know." Gerard replied cockily. Confidence was the last thing Gerard would have expected himself to develop in the future but it came semi-naturally with the help of Bert and strangers from the club.

•••

Gerard barely got to shower alone but when he did he made the best of it. He made sure not to spend too long under the stream with his red dyed hair. It was a drastic change from his regular jet-black but he liked the red more this way it felt more him. Or at least who he was now. Gliding his hands down his body, slick with warm water he admired The way his hip bones jutted out. He was no longer sickly looking under his clothes but he was definitely thin. In a more attractive way now, instead on looking as if he had one foot in the grave he took on the look of someone who was just naturally small. When the water started to cool down Gerard knew that he had been in too long. He got out, toweled himself down and slipped on an oversized night shirt and some pajama pants that slipped off his waist.

"Gee!" Bert yelled from the bedroom over the t.v.

"Yeah?"

"Wanna line?" He questioned casually. Like be had asked Gerard something as simple as his favorite color.

"Yeah, sure." He replied.

Friends often share the worst of habits. Another thing Gerard would have never seen himself doing was coke, but here he was. It was easier to pretend when your mind was on auto pilot and you couldn't feel your face. It felt like love.

When Gerard walked into their bedroom he saw Bert kneeled near the dresser in his boxers with two thin stripes of white powder neatly lined up. Gerard walked over and kneeled down next to him and Bert took Gerard's smaller hand in his own.

"I love you." He whispered into Gerard's hair as he kissed him there. "My baby."

Gerard giggled and pulled away, "I'm not your fucking baby."

"Yeah you are." Bert replied.

"Whatever." Gerard muttered leaning over the counter, lifting himself off his knees a bit to reach.

He was soothed of the burning beginning in his sinuses as he inhaled by a hand smoothing up and down his back, them trailing up to rub through his hair. When he sat back up, his eyes were still closed as he got used to the discomfort.

"You look so pretty like that." Bert whispered, watching Gerard, ogling more like before he leaned over to kiss his way up the mans neck, bitting down every now and then. He barely had the urge to push him way with how foggy he felt, instead just leaning his head back and letting out little uneven breaths.

"I love how responsive you are when you're high." Bert commented.

"Ain't high." Gerard said with a breathy gasp.

"Mmh, not yet." Bert smiled against Gerard's soft skin, then placed another kiss to the spot he bit down on. Gerard hissed.

Bert took his line and picked Gerard up to place him on the bed while he giggled. They kissed foe a while, deeply and messy. Like the horny teenagers they still acted like. It didn't take long for the two of them to pass out together, legs tangled and so close that you could barely tell one body from the other. Right then Gerard felt at peace. Peace never lasted too long for him though.

A/N:
v v short chapter they wont all be like this i promise.

anyone actually excited about the rest of this story? I really hope this doesn't flop.