It Was A Whole Thing | Herophine

Thirteen Days

One year.

I haven't seen her for one whole goddamn year.

Fuck, I hate corona. Bloody virus had to fuck everything up and ruin all my plans.

I had already planned on confessing to Josephine last year; decided that once we're back for After We Collided's promo tour, I'd tell her how utterly and devastatingly in love I am with her. It was supposed to happen last March, in New York where AWC's promo would've kicked off had this virus not fuck things up for the entire world. New York, the very same place where we had the best kick off to After's promo tour last year.

New York holds a very special place in my heart. Not only because of the majesty of the city itself, but because memories of that first tour still washes over me like a waterfall of rainbows and unicorns and butterflies. New York is a witness to how I, Hero Fiennes Tiffin, bachelor and no-girlfriend-since-birth English roadman, fell on my knees and surrendered to the fact that I am in love with my co-star, the beautiful and witty and bright Josephine Langford.

I had come so close to confessing to her in far more than one occasion. The first was in Paris but before I could start to spill my heart out, she had started to spill her guts out. She fell ill and my chance slipped. I couldn't be selfish at that moment and she had to rest if she were to rejoin us for the rest of the tour. The second time was just before I had to fly back to London from LA after the last leg of the promo tour last year but of course, fate wasn't in my favor still. We had arranged a dinner, Jo and I, but it fell through at the very last minute when she had to cancel because she got a call back. The last time I had attempted to voice out my feelings for her was when we wrapped filming for After We Collided. I had planned to give her a gift-a necklace very much similar to one of my own but instead of a scorpion, in its place is a lion-but she got too drunk and I got too nervous to say shit which ended with the jewelry box shoved back into my luggage and flew back to London with my sorry ass.

Yeah, I have shitty timing and more shitty anxiety.

But I promised myself it will be this year and with or without this horrible pandemic, I will confess the shit out of my overflowing feelings for her. I will tell her I love her, that I have loved her since we started on this whirlwind journey together. I will tell her that I have missed her and that I can't see myself with anyone else but her. Not then, not now, not ever.

I just hope she believes me and sees my sincerity and, if I'm lucky enough, feels the same way about me, too.

Josephine Langford is such a freaking mystifying, perplexing and enigmatic being as far as humans go. I can't figure her out no matter how many number of hours or days or months, fuck, even years I wrack my brain and carefully analyze her every word, her every mannersim, her every quirk, I just, for the bloody life of me, cannot.

One minute, I think I may just have a chance with her by the way she holds my gaze and intensely so that I can feel it in my core, but the next moment she would tell me she's so lucky to have me as a good friend and not just merely a co-star. One minute she would cuddle against my chest for movie night but the next morning, I'd be lucky to even get a good morning from her. She's so confusing but not in the infuriating and frustrating kind of way. She's confusing in the best way possible. She keeps me on my toes yet when she allows me, she goes all out that it leaves me craving more of her precious attention.

I'll tell her this time and I'm not going to buckle or allow my nerves to get the best of me. This will be it. Well, maybe after filming the last two movies. I don't think I can risk her rejecting me in the middle of filming and jeopardize our dynamic and the chemistry this franchise is banking upon. I'll wait until the last day and then I can finally fuck it and tell her. I swear.