Ambition: A BIGBANG Fanfiction

Chapter 18

Chapter 18: Look Through the Peephole

"FUCK!"

Seungri kicked the small ceramic ornament, sending it careening into the opposite wall. Someone had sent it to him, along with a "My Deepest Condolences" card. The ornament exploded with a satisfying crack, but it did little to curb his rage.

He stormed over to his bookshelf, letting out a ravaged cry as he swept his arm across the shelf, the books tumbling to the ground. He turned his attention next to his desk, becoming more pissed off when there was nothing on the surface he could damage. His eyes scanned the barren room, fuming when there wasn't something he could just rip apart with his bare hands. He needed to fucking hit something, hard.

That fucking fucktard fucking Taeyang pulled me off him. Seungri snarled at the recent memory. Never in his life had he wanted to kill someone so badly. He had wanted to hear Jiyong begging for him to stop. He wanted to see the pain in Jiyong's eyes as he mercilessly bludgeoned him. He wanted to feel Jiyong's bones snap under his boot as his life drained from him.

No you didn't.

Seungri's breaths hitched as the contradictory thought crossed his mind.

"YES I DID!" Seungri's strangled cry was met with no response.

No, you didn't.

Seungri's heaving seemed to reverberate through the room, and his eyes darted around the room before resting on the fragmented bits of ceramic. He raced over, stomping aggressively on the broken pieces until they became dust, trying to drown out the thoughts in his head. A sob racked through his chest, and before he knew it tears were streaming from his eyes.

Seungri felt his knees buckle and he collapsed onto the broken porcelain. All the emotions he subdued, all the hate and sadness he had locked away during the meeting bubbled up inside him. He sniffed loudly, as he hiccupped in attempt to get the tears to stop.

"He said he loved me," Seungri squeaked. "How could he love me if he let my mother die."

Seungri hiccupped again, his breath coming at painfully awkward intervals. He wiped the stream of tears from his cheek with the back of his hand. He didn't want to think about his mother. He couldn't. He didn't want to think about Jiyong either--he wanted it all to go away. It was shocking how GD's involvement in the events that led to his mother's death was almost as heartbreaking as his mother's death itself.

"Fucker."

Seungri pushed himself up, unwilling to succumb to the patheticness of crying over a boy.

Not just any boy. Jiyong.

He stifled another whimper as he made his way to the bathroom. He flicked on the switch, unable to prevent himself from flinching slightly at his reflection.

His blond hair was covered in bits of debris, turning it an ugly brown and matted to his forehead from the exertion of the fight. The lighting was unkind to his reflection as it highlighted his bruising jawline, the mix of Jiyong's and his own blood painting his face, as well as his slightly swollen cheekbone. The dried tears left obvious streaks down his face, carving a discernible path through the grime that had been caked on.

Seungri blew a laugh out of his nose. "You should have seen the other guy."

As he spoke, he noticed his smile falter. He leaned over the skin, opening his mouth as he examined his incisor. It was chipped slightly; he didn't even remember feeling that. Peachy.

He turned the faucet and it slowly groaned to life, sputtering out a measly stream of water. He cupped the lukewarm liquid, before splashing it on his face and giving a hard scrub. He didn't bother looking up in between the process...he knew from experience how hard it was to get blood off. He tried to avoid letting his mind wander as he focused on the methodic process of gathering water, lathering his face, rubbing, and repeating. He didn't want to see his mother's face behind his shut eyes. He didn't want to envision himself and Jiyong in another world. He didn't want to see anything. He didn't want to feel anything.

Coward, he thought to himself. You can't even admit to your own feelings.

"Argh!"

He shut the faucet off with an undesirable amount of force; the right handle came clean off.

"FUCKING...!"

Seungri gripped the handle tightly before whipping it into the mirror, causing a large fissure to split and grow outwards in a spider-web type fashion. Seungri clenched his jaw and gripped the outer edge of the sink until his knuckles turned white. He looked at up, musing at the irony of his reflection through the cracked mirror when he heard someone picking his lock.

Seungri frowned, his earlier anger boiling inside him. Without bothering to look through the peephole, he whipped the door open to find Jiyong.

"What the fuck are you-"

His sentence was cut short as he was roughly shoved inside his room. GD turned quickly to lock the door behind him before facing Seungri, pulling off the hood of his black hoodie.

"You're a liar."

Seungri narrowed his eyes. The swelling had gone down on GD's eye, but his cheek bone and nose were covered with vivid shades of deep purple and red. GD eyes roved over him in return and Seungri knew he looked just as battered.

He was mental coming here. He had a death wish.

"Excuse me?" Seungri asked incredulously.

GD took a step forward. "You heard me. You. Are. A. Fucking. Liar."

Seungri took a step back, his boot crunching against the broken ceramic. The noise caused GD's attention to be diverted briefly, frowning and focusing downwards to locate the cause. It was enough delay to allow Seungri to rip forward, sending the both of them flying against the wall. Seungri pinned the leader there, his right forearm crossing against GD's collarbones while grabbing a fistful of the hoodie. He wished he could hit him again, but his wrist was still too sore from earlier.

"Why the fuck are you here."

GD matched Seungri's heated gaze with just as much fury. He pulled his lips up slightly, but didn't reply.

"ANSWER ME!"

GD remained silent and Seungri quickly realized that GD wasn't resisting him at all. With an aggravated snort, Seungri released his grip, backing away from the angry leader. The two men locked eyes for a moment, before Seungri turned away, unable to maintain the leader's powerful gaze.

"Figures," GD muttered. "You can't even look me in the eye. Because you are a filthy. Liar."

Seungri whipped around, his gaze throwing daggers at the man. "Well, you're a fucking murderer, Jiyong."

The giant gaping hole in Seungri's chest ached with the truth of those words. He needed to focus on his anger or he would cry again, he realized, focusing back on GD's face. Seungri marveled at the emotions that crossed GD's face: anger, hurt, resentment. The words had clearly struck a chord in him too.

"Seunghyun-" GD started, moving towards him.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Seungri wailed, pushing GD back against the wall in another hold. "You don't fucking get to call me that anymore." GD was completely still as Seungri pushed him with what should have been an unbearable amount of pressure on his chest...GD was letting Seungri hurt him. This pissed him off. He needed a fight, an outlet for the pain.

GD, the perceptive fuck, seemed to comprehend Seungri's anger and decided to speak. "Fine, Seungri," GD taunted, his eyes narrowing as he pushed his chin out in defiance. "Let me just ask you this. Why did you do it? Why lie? To spite me for your mom's death?"

GD's eyes flashed with real anger and hurt similar to his own and Seungri felt a small measure of satisfaction at the leader's emotional distress. The immature side of Seungri didn't want him to be the only one whose world felt like it was crumbling to pieces.

"Revenge against me isn't going to bring your mother back," GD chewed out and Seungri further increased his pressure on GD's chest, causing him to gasp.