𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐲 [Ratched X Reader]

1 | Red lips

━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━

1948.

My life had begun to fall apart from the very moment I'd made a fatal mistake and kissed my married history teacher Mrs. Underell that day in school during the final year.

She'd been my teacher for about two years and within this time I'd developed feelings for her - strong feelings I'd tried to understand at first as the young and verdant girl I'd been, then to frantically bury them but no matter what, there had always been this strong, strange desire to feel loved by this very woman when I observed her during class or encountered her in the hallway.

Katharina Underell, a middle-aged married woman, had had me questioning my sanity for way too long, not only because it had been a woman I'd developed feelings for but also because she'd been my teacher and I her student. Additionally, our age difference had been huge.

What a devastating feeling it had been to figure out I hadn't been like the rest of the girls my age, gushing over boys. I hadn't known my place for a very long time, I'd felt like a stranger among society, not knowing what had been wrong with me. Some had said lesbianism was a work of the devil, others had said it was a mental disease but no one had ever lost a single positive word about it. Society had inculcated us with certain standards I'd never questioned until the day I'd realized I liked women.

Once there'd been a scandal including a woman being in love with another woman who'd worked at a bakery I'd often gone to after school. She'd been a very friendly, warm-hearted person, loved by many, but when it had somehow been revealed she'd been with another woman, the news had spread quickly like a fire until everyone in town had looked at her with disgust. Eventually, she'd lost her job and left the town.

Since this incident, I hadn't dared to tell anyone what I'd been going through until I'd reached a point my secret had started to eat me up inside. The tension at home since father had died in war had been unbearable. Mother had become cold and distant towards my brother and me, there'd been so many times I'd felt worthless and drained but Mrs. Underell had been there for me. She'd sensed something had been wrong and had offered me to talk to her whenever I'd needed to. She'd been the only one who'd brightened my dark days. Maybe that's why she'd started to grow on me...

And one day at the age of 18 I hadn't been able to deny my feelings for my teacher anymore. I hadn't been able to live this lie any longer, disregarding the fact that I'd been about to put myself and her in danger.

As the headmaster had caught me kissing the completely overwhelmed Mrs. Underell a new scandal had been born and believe me when I say in this town people loved to gossip a lot. It hadn't taken long for everyone to know what had happened. Suddenly I hadn't been the invisible, shy girl anymore but a misfit of society.

Mother hadn't shot me a single glance, she'd been more than deeply ashamed of me. She'd suddenly begun to blame me for father's death and had yelled at me that I'd always been the one who'd brought misery and madness into this family.